(no subject)
havent upadated in forever because nothing had really changed...life was just the same thing everday, feel like i have no friends,go to work,come home and do nothing with justin. but lately he didnt wanna see me or something like that because out of no where he sprung on me through a txt while i was working that he wanted to break...i was devistated, i felt so helpless,like i had no one to talk to or to help me, and i was just so upset. i called him as soon as i got out and was just crying and we had plans to do dinner and see each other but he decided to go to dinner with his parents which is cool he said he would txt me after he said one thing then didnt respond, i thought he just didnt wanna talk to me or anything but i needed to know what was going on so i called him, he answered sayin what i asked what was going on he said he was going to bed and would talk to me tomorrow...i asked if we could get together to talk but he thought sleep was more important. i was like begging for ten minutes just to see him and talk but he then said i dont want to see you i dont want to talk to you im done with this. those words killed me how could someone who loved me so much hurt me so much? i then talked to his mom and she knew i needed someone to talk to so she met me at panera and we talked in the parking lot for an hour. i gained so much respect for her in that night and lost so much for justin. i came home went to bed cuddling with his clothes and had my phone on the last txt he sent me that said i loved you and just cried because i thought i lost one of the most important people in my life. i tried to sleep but i had to be at tops at 8 so i basically didnt. he txt me and we barely talked because we knew it just wasnt right, so im standing there cashing someone out and he walks up to me and says " hi mama" like nothing was wrong and i just started balling, he goes i guess i should go...like really? but after that i took a break and he saw me so came to sit, but i couldnt even talk because i was so hurt i didnt even wanna look him in the face. i went back to work and he would txt me a little bit, but when i got out of work he asked if we could talk for a little when he was done and i said ya. he came over at like 10 and we talked for like 2 hours, i told him everything i felt about how hurt i was and everything. he said he doesnt wanna take a break from us but from seeing each other everday so we need it more and dont get annoyed. i agreed but why couldnt we have gotten together and you just said that to me why did you have to put me through all of that hurt and pain? i told him i feel like i dont even know who he is anymore, i feel like i cant trust him to be there for me when i need him, etc. but he said he wants to change and fix it so i hope it does because i love him so much. i also said he has a lot of work to do for things to go back to normal with us to prove to me that he does love me, i hope it works out i really do. we are supposed to go to the italian fest today and to our friends so i hope it doesnt rain so i can see what happens. but one of the things that hurt me the most through this whole thing is that some of the people i expected to be there for me the most werent and one of the things that showed me that no matter what happens, they will always be there for me, someone i havent talked to in months was txting me,talking to me and just helping me through it, it meant so much to me that i cant even explain it.