Always Shout Fire - A Glee Fanfic, Chapter 12/?

[ashtakra]

Title: Always Shout Fire
Chapter: 12/?

Author: AshtakRa

Fandom: Glee

Pairing: Kurt/Puck

Warnings: Adult themes, language and set in season 2

Spoilers: Spoilers for up to Duets

Summary: Kurt decides further investigation is needed regarding the Puckerman situation.  He is both surprised and shocked to find his former nemesis brought low and how it changes them from team mates, to friends and perhaps...

Previous Chapters:

I must give yet another apology for the time it took, but believe me, this time there is reason.  I live in Brisbane, Australia and if you watch the news then you may know we have suffered significant flooding.  Thankfully my home is high and safe but people only four streets away were flooded, as was my workplace.  Between power out and lending a hand where I could, writing took a back seat, but I had some time today and here we are.  Can I add what a delight it was to see many links and sites up in support of the victims - it brought tears to my eyes.  In this country we pride ourselves on lending a hand to those in need, to our friends, family and strangers alike, but it is still surprising and a little humbling to see volunteers, estimated in the tens of thousands, getting out and helping flood victims.    Thank you to everyone for your kind words, deeds and thoughts during this disaster.

now, the chapter:


Chapter 12

Hearing the surgery was successful was one thing, seeing Puck with a multitude of tubes snaking in and out of him, with machines humming and his head swathed in bandages, was quite another.

The monitor’s steady rhythm proved Puck’s heart was beating but it was hard to believe he was actually going to be okay.  Kurt avoided looking too closely at Puck’s face, the bruising around his eyes, the little he could see of them beneath the bandages, was terrible and his lips were dry and cracked around the respirator tube.  His skin was probably the worst.  So pale and with a truly unhealthy grey tinge - the nurse had said it was the special meds he was on mixed with the fluorescent lights.

Kurt did not want to use the word corpse but that is what he felt he was looking at.  He glanced guiltily at Mrs P but she had eyes only for her son.  A shaking hand holding a lime green handkerchief was her only real tell that this may be her breaking point, except for the tears glistening in her eyes.  Carol, standing by Kurt, must have noticed too and quickly enveloped the other woman in a hug and led her to a chair.

They whispered and Kurt could only hear a word here and there.

Words like: my baby, shouldn’t be, can’t lose him.

Slightly different words but Kurt had heard them before.

People bemoaning the unfairness of it all, muttering their prayers and trying to not mention the word death in front of a young Kurt Hummel.

She had died anyway, no matter how unfair it was, nor how many loved ones she left behind.

That was the first time, but not the last, that Kurt had realised that life was not necessarily beautiful or cruel, good or bad.  It just was and those bad things could happen just as easily as the good.   He did not think it made him a pessimist.  Maybe he just tried to be a realist.  This time however he had something he had not with his mother - hope.

When his Dad had been in hospital it had happened so quickly he’d had no time to ponder the how and why, he’d had to work hard at doing something, anything, to help his Dad that hope and anything like it had been like a far off land.  Reachable but not really attainable.

Puck’s illness was not sudden, it had happened pretty quickly once they all knew but not overnight.  His Mother had known her chances were next to non-existent and being the woman she was she had prepared her young son for the worst, even if no-one else at the time had thought to do so.  Kurt did not want to keep comparing this with the loss of his Mom but how could he not?

He also knew there was little more he could do now than he could back then, or with his Dad.

All he could do was be here.

KPKPKPKPKPKP

Watching Kurt flick through the magazine Finn sighed and absently picked at a fingernail.  It had been three days and still Puck showed no sign of waking up.  Nor should he, since the doctors had said they were purposely keeping him under to help with the healing.  His body had been through an incredible amount of trauma, what with the operation and actually being dead for a few minutes, that they were worried his system may crash if they woke him.

Finn knew all this but still worried that Puck was not looking any better.  The bruising had lessened and his skin was now only pale instead of grey but he looked so strange buried amongst the tubes and machines.  Kurt had said it earlier, so small.

It was true.

Puck, the scourge of McKinley (yes he had used the term himself), was just a gaunt looking pale boy needing a machine to help him breath and never moving, not even a finger.  If this was a TV show Finn knew that at some point, probably if they asked him with tears in their eyes, Puck would move his pinkie and open his eyes.

Not so however, the doctors had been quite clear to expect nothing while they had him pumped full of so many drugs.

So much as he was worried about Puck there was a part of Finn that considered Kurt and wondered what was going on.  Kurt had been friendly, in a remote kind of way, but was definitely giving him the cold shoulder.  Not quite at the level of Faggy-gate, but something was up.  So Finn did what he did best.

“What have I done Kurt?”  No need to work up to it, he knew Kurt well enough by now to just hit the issue head on.

His response was to slowly turn the page of whatever gossip magazine he was reading and recross his legs, only sparing Finn a cursory glance.

“Kurt?”

There was a pause.  “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Getting up to sit next to him Finn forced the magazine shut.  “Yes you do.”

Kurt sighed loudly.  “I don’t think this is the time or place.”  He looked straight at Puck as he spoke and Finn nodded, then shook his head.

“Whatever it is Puck must be involved, this is the perfect place.”

A giggle caught him off guard as Kurt turned to him.  “Why Finn Hudson, you notice more than you let on.”

“I’m not stupid you know.”

“Well not all the time.”

“We’re brothers now, you have to be nicer to me, its like in the rule book or something.”

“Actually,” Kurt smiled.  “I think siblings are destined to fight, something about survival of the fittest.”

“Can we be serious?”

“Fine.”

“…”

“Well?”

“I already said it Kurt, what’s up?”

“Between you and me you mean?”

“Yeah,” answered Finn, and waved between them.  “Something’s not right and since I’m pretty sure I’ve done nothing wrong lately you’ll have to tell me - I mean I’ve even been cool about you and Puck.”

He saw the ice-queen persona settle over Kurt.

“And why shouldn’t you be?  Are you saying there’s a reason there can’t be a me and Puck?”

“No, that’s not what I mean and you know it.”

Kurt’s lips twitched in consternation and he stared at Puck for a half a minute.

“I think Finn, that you may have to tell me.”

“Tell you what?”  This was so frustrating, Finn was almost certain dealing with a Rachel freak-out was preferable to a Kurt heart-to-heart.

Kurt got up and paced in front of Finn, his hands expressive as he spoke.  “Tell me why you think it is your place to be the arbiter of what can and cannot be for the people around you?  Tell me why you think you have the right to decide on behalf of others… what makes you entitled to be a ‘leader’ when all I have ever seen you do is follow?”

Finn knew his jaw may have been hanging open.  He thought he and Kurt were past all this, that such problems had been dealt with.  Obviously being related to Kurt was going to be a lot harder than just being friends with him.

“I have to be a leader,” Finn said hesitantly.  “Its my thing.”

“Pfffft,” Kurt shook his head.  “You’re always too worried about what other people think to make command decisions, a leader,” he paused and Finn noticed his eyes flicked to Puck again.  “Is not afraid to follow his heart, to do what is right no matter the consequences.”

Finn laughed, knowing it was inappropriate in this room but couldn’t stop himself.  “You think Puck is that?  He never cared what happened to others, only himself.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

Rubbing his face in frustration, mostly because he knew Kurt was right, Finn hissed in frustration.  “Okay, wait… what was the question again?”

Kurt stopped pacing and frowned, he seemed to be pondering what to say - and Finn knew by his expression he may regret asking it.

“What did you say to Puck to turn him against you?”

KPKPKPKPKPKPKP

Kurt would swear that time stood still for a few seconds as he asked the question.

Finn visibly tensed then shrugged.  “What are you talking about?”

Although he knew Finn must know what he meant Kurt played the game and began to explain.  “You and Puck were inseparable before he slept with Quinn; best of friends, bros… yet suddenly he ups and sleeps with his best mate’s girlfriend.”  Kurt walked closer to Finn, giving him his best raised eyebrow.  “Puck may be a sex shark, well most of the time, but I’m betting even he wouldn’t do that unless something drove him to it.”

“They were both drunk, it was just a stupid mistake,” Finn tried to sound like he actually believed that and failed.

“No,” said Kurt flatly and poked Fin’s chest.  “Maybe before all this I wouldn’t have given a damn but since Puck and I are… something - this concerns me now.”

“It doesn’t matter Kurt, we got past all that.”

“All this time,” Kurt went on as Finn had said nothing.  “We’ve all seen you as the victim, Puck the aggressor.  He betrayed you, Quinn betrayed you and then they conspired to keep it secret... but what did Puck have to gain by saying nothing all that time?”

“He didn’t want to hurt me?” suggested Finn lamely.

“He’d already done that by being with her,” explained Kurt.  “Yet he continued to support you both, when everyone thought you were the baby daddy, getting all the attention and sympathy - why would he do that?”

He watched as Finn stared hard at his best friend, probably willing him to suddenly wake up and answer on his behalf.  “Puck is complicated, who knows why he does the things he does.”

“True,” Kurt acknowledged.  He wasn’t stupid enough to think Puck was innocent in all this and consistent enough to either be the good guy, or bad.  What was important for Kurt, was to try and understand what led to Puck stabbing his best friend in the back, then deciding not to gloat about it.  If sleeping with Quinn had been intended to hurt Finn for something said then why not tell the world the instant it happened?  Maybe he had really loved Quinn.  Pondering this Kurt did not realise Finn had gone to the bed and was laying a hand on Puck’s arm.

“There was a time when nothing could come between us, not girls, parents, teachers - anything,” Finn whispered, loud enough for Kurt to hear.  “He was my one constant, the person that was always there for me.”

Saying nothing Kurt joined him, holding Puck’s hand.  It was cool and his fingers felt too thin; there was no answering squeeze - Puck was too far under.

“He changed things, I didn’t,” muttered Finn, locking eyes with Kurt.  “You have to believe me, I don’t blame him anymore, or hate him for it - but I was confused and didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me.”

Finn’s homophobia, his concern over reputations and his constant pressure for Kurt to not ‘gay’ up others suddenly slid into place.

Kurt stepped back and glared at Finn.  “He came out to you didn’t he?” Kurt almost hissed.  “He tried to open up to you, the one person he thought he could trust with his greatest secret - and you slammed him back in that closet so hard he did the one thing to show himself he could be the ‘man’ you expected him to be... he slept with your girlfriend.”

“Kurt please,” said Finn, tears in his eyes.  “I’m not that kid anymore, scared and frightened - don’t you think I regret doing that to him?”

“Don’t you at least know how much you mean to him?” asked Kurt.  “You were so important to him that to keep you as his best friend he denied who he was, he became this monster who bullied others, destroyed girl’s reputations and became the number one bad-ass in school - virtually guaranteed to prevent him getting into any college.”  Kurt shook his head.  “I’m not angry Finn, funnily enough I kind of understand, but... if you had wanted to be a leader there was your perfect opportunity.  You could have led by example, by supporting your best friend.”

Watching as Finn almost broke at hearing his words Kurt took pity on him.  Nobody was perfect and its not as if Finn wasn’t trying.  Walking forward he patted Finn’s shoulder.  “Thank you for telling me Finn, it means a lot.  You’re here for him now, I think that makes up for the past.”

Finn hung his head but gave a little grin.  “Thanks Kurt.”

KPKPKPKPKPKP

He managed to remain conscious for five minutes the first time.  Long enough to be told the surgery was successful, that he would be in hospital for several weeks and to not worry.

Everything was going to be okay.

He hoped so but that dream he’d had, or vision or whatever.  It stuck with him and Puck worried every time he saw Kurt, wanting to warn him, to tell him to be careful.  He also knew how strange that would sound, and they’d probably give him a psych assessment - and spending any more time than necessary in these rooms was unacceptable.

Every day Puck managed more time awake.  Have an hour became two hours, becoming four and after a week he could remain up for most of the daylight hours.  The doctors were very happy with his recovery and mentioned the constant visits from his friends and family were quite obviously a good thing.

After the first week he waited until it was only Kurt in the room and took the boy’s hand.

“Hey.”

Kurt grinned.  “Eloquent as always Puckerman.”

“I think as my boyfriend you should call me Noah.”  He almost hesitated on the ‘b’ word, not because he didn’t want it but because he was frightened how Kurt might react.

“Huh,” was his response.

Puck raised an eyebrow.

“What I meant to say,” said Kurt a little huskily, he said nothing else but leant down and kissed him.  Puck returned the kiss as much as possible.  His lips were still a little cracked, his mouth dry and thoughts of intimacy too far off.

It was still one of the best kisses he’d ever had.

Finally after all this time he could say that he had someone, someone that he truly wanted to be with.  It must have shown in his face.

“Don’t look so cocky Noah,” whispered Kurt.  “You have no idea what having me as a boyfriend will entail.”

“And you me,” he countered.  “I’ve been kind of unwell this whole time, you have not been able to experience the full Puckperience.”

“Oh dear,” sighed Kurt dramatically.  “Is there anything you won’t turn your nickname into?”

“Shut it,” ordered Puck.  “And get my Mom in here.”

“Why?”

He smiled and drew Kurt in for a quick kiss.  “Because a lot of things have to change and number one is telling my Mom, and so I can introduce her to my boy... properly.”

Tbc...

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