For the Love of a Baboon.
So...I'm part of this community called writers_closet, and they have these prompt thingys so I did one today. This story makes me laugh hysterically. Of course, it's probably way more funny in my head, but I can't help that.
Sometime I'll update about important things, I promise. But until then, I love you all :)
Prompt: You get a phone call from a strange number. The voice on the other end says he can reunite you with a lost love forever. In return he will take the life of someone close to you. He proves his power by giving you a full day with your lost love. Describe the day and your decision.
Title: For the Love of a Baboon
Rating: R, for language and crude humor.
Word Count: 1850
Author's Notes: This was fun to write. I really had no idea where I was going with it until I got done. There’s quite a bit of language in this piece, so be warned. I don’t know if I’ll ever edit it or turn it into something bigger. Either way, it really was fun doing this exercise! It is written in first person, since that seems to be what the prompt demanded.
I stretched a little, slowly surfacing from my dreams. What a crazy night. I scrubbed my hands over my face roughly. It was hot in my room. Why was it hot? I knew I had set the air conditioner before I went to sleep. Stupid thing. Muttering under my breath, I sat up a little, glancing to my left. I almost fell off of the bed. Trent was burrowed under my red blanket, curled on his side. He was watching me with his deep green eyes.
“Dammit, Trent! Where the hell did you come from?” I glared at him, not bothering to be angry at the fact that he had clearly broken into my house in the middle of the night. It wasn’t the first time he’d done that.
He laughed at me. I hated it when he laughed at me, like I was just a cute little kid and he was so much smarter. “Now what kind of a welcome home is that?”
“This isn’t your home, asshole. You left, remember?”
“Sure, I remember.” He shrugged. “It’s not like this was my idea. I was supposed to work today, you know. My boss is going to be pissed.”
I snorted. “Like you care if he’s pissed or not. And what the hell do you mean by this wasn’t your idea?”
“I didn’t have a choice. Some crazy guy called me last night and told me I was going to be here in the morning. Something about he was proving something to you and you had a decision to make. I thought he was insane. Guess not.”
I stared at him, a sick feeling in my stomach. So my crazy night wasn’t just an effect of that awful pizza after all. “Shit...” I grumbled. “I was really hoping that was just a dream.”
“Want to tell me when I’m going home?”
“Tonight. You can go tonight. He’ll send you back to wherever you came from, and we’ll both be happy again. You’ll just have to suffer through one day with me.” I sighed. Just a few hours. Then he’d be gone and everything would go back to normal. Why did that stupid crazy guy have to call me, anyway? I didn’t want my lost love back! I was fine. Just fine.
His voice was quiet. “Are you happy, Kris?”
The question made me mad. “Of course I’m happy! Why wouldn’t I be happy? My life is great, no thanks to you.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m an asshole. But I’m pretty sure you used to like that.”
“Used to. Not anymore. Now I hate it.”
“Love you too, darling.”
He was laughing at me again. I felt like smothering him with my pillow. No, that would be too childish. He was burrowing out of the covers. I couldn’t help but stare. All that sandy hair and rippling muscle. No wonder I had fallen in love with him. He was dressed in blue Dickies and work boots, with no shirt. I pointed it out, of course. “You’re missing half your wardrobe, cowboy.”
“Your crazy friend couldn’t wait until I got dressed.” He flexed his sculpted arms and chest. “What, you don’t like me without a shirt anymore?”
I rolled my eyes. “Would it hurt your fragile ego if I said no?”
“Nope. I’m a sexy beast. Besides, you’d be lying.”
“So what? I’ve done worse things.” I kicked the covers off and stood up, tossing my mane of tangled black hair over my shoulder. I could hear his sharp intake of breath, then a low whistle.
“Shit, Kristy. You trying to kill me?”
“Trust me, I’ve thought about it.” I spat the words before I realized what he meant. I wasn’t wearing a shred of clothing. It was a habit he’d gotten me into, and I’d just never started back. Sleep’s more comfy when I’m naked. I raised my chin, planting my hands on my hips. He was still staring at me like a fat kid stares at McDonalds. “What? Geez, you look like you just got hit with a stupid stick.”
He spoke slowly, almost as if he couldn’t find words. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? He wasn’t supposed to be nice to me! He took a step forward, but I stopped him with a hiss. “Don’t, Trent.”
“Why not?”
“Because I said so, that’s why! Just don’t!” I couldn’t handle it if he touched me. There was no way. I needed to be angry, to hate him. Otherwise I’d just turn into the blubbering slob that I was for so long after he left. I didn’t want to like him again. I sure didn’t want to love him again.
“Convinced yourself you don’t love me anymore, babe?”
“I don’t love you. I don’t have to convince myself of that.” Even as I was grinding the words out I knew they were lies. He knew they were lies.
“Now, now. Didn’t your mother teach you to tell the truth?” He smirked, then grabbed me so fast I couldn’t react. Somehow I ended up flat on my back on my bed, with his heavy body on top of mine.
“Dammit, Trent! Get off!” I fought wildly, but he held me down easily. He always could. I could swear he was laughing at me again. I sunk my teeth hard into his shoulder. “Get off of me you big baboon!”
He growled, putting a pillow between my chest and his. “No biting. And that’s not a nice name. Asshole I can handle, but baboon is just taking it too far.” There was a wicked glint in his eye. It was all too much.
Suddenly we were laughing hysterically. He rolled off of me to let me breathe. We lay there helpless for ten minutes. It felt good. I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed like that. When we finally got quiet, he propped himself up on his elbow and looked at me. “You know, Kris, I’ve never laughed with anyone the way I laugh with you.”
Yeah. Sure. He was just saying that because I was naked and it turned him on. Stupid man. “Well I’ve never fought with anyone the way I fight with you.”
“And I’ve never had makeup sex be as awesome with anyone as it is with you.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
I couldn’t laugh at that. It was too close to everything I hadn’t thought about in a year. I closed my eyes for a long moment. When I opened them, he was still looking at me. His eyes were suspiciously shiny. “Are you crying?”
“Nope. I’m relaxing my tear ducts for a minute.”
“You’re crying!” I couldn’t believe it. Never had I seen him cry before. He was always one of those macho men. Tears were something that needy women had.
He flopped onto his back, putting his hands behind his head. “Fine. But I’m tearing, not crying. There’s a difference.”
“Homo.” I couldn’t bring myself to ask him why.
“Didn’t I just say something about name-calling?”
I smirked. “You’re a dumb homo baboon.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“What are we, in fourth grade now?”
“No. We’re certainly not.” He turned, wrapping his arms around me too quickly for me to react. With a little tug, I was tight against him, my face just inches from his.
“Trent. I can’t do this. We can’t do this. I won’t.”
He pressed his lips onto my forehead with infinite tenderness. “Shut up.”
I shut up. I mean, what was I supposed to do? The thought of his strong arms around me had been invading my dreams for months. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. We stayed exactly like that for hours, occasionally shifting positions, but never did he move his arms. He didn’t kiss me once. He didn’t even touch me like he used to. He never used to be able to lie next to me without starting something, sex or otherwise. Eventually we got hungry and got up.
He feigned starvation. “What’s on the menu, chef?”
“Cheese sandwiches.”
“Really? Gourmet, aren’t you.”
“Can it, bucko. I was going to go to the store today, before you interrupted me.” I trudged to the kitchen and got the sandwich fixings out, banging the refrigerator door closed. He leaned against the counter, watching me. I didn’t want to talk, but I knew that wouldn’t matter to him.
“Gonna tell me what the big decision is?”
I sighed. Of course. He couldn’t just let me be. “No.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t like talking to baboons.”
“I have a right to know, Kris. Why am I here?”
I slapped mayonnaise on bread and threw the knife in the sink angrily. “I can keep you forever and let someone close to me die, or send you back to wherever the hell you ran off to and keep everything around here perfect.” He was quiet, and I went back to making sandwiches.
“I’m sorry, Kristy. I know that doesn’t mean anything, but I’m sorry.” He shrugged. “I know I was an asshole. Still am, probably. I haven’t changed much.”
I chewed on my lip nervously, handing him his dinner. “Liar. So far you’ve cried, cuddled, and apologized. Are you sure you’re not a homo?”
He smiled, and it made my stomach flip over. “You got me. I take it up the butt.” He took a dramatic bite out of his sandwich, making obscene gestures with his free hand. Suddenly serious, he swallowed and set his plate down. “I’m not going to ask you to keep me. I can’t put that on you.”
Before I could respond, a black explosion of smoke appeared in my kitchen and a man stepped out of it. “Ready to make your decision?”
I chucked my sandwich at him. “First of all, it hasn’t been a whole day yet. Second, can’t you knock? And what the hell is all that smoke for? Now I have to clean!”
The man merely smiled sardonically and repeated his question. “Ready to make your decision?”
My stomach twisted painfully. I hate moments like that. The weird man was staring at me; Trent was staring at me. I felt like throwing up, screaming, and running back upstairs to hide under my covers. Maybe I would wake up and it would be tomorrow and none of this would have happened. Everyone was still staring at me. I chewed on my nails. This wasn’t fair! Finally I squished my eyes shut and pointed wildly in Trent’s direction. I heard a bang, but couldn’t force myself to look.
Familiar hands settled on my shoulders. “Kris.”
I cracked one eye. “Hm?”
“Why did you do that? You know what that means. You know how much we’re going to have to work at this.”
I smiled, one of those rare genuine smiles that light up a room, and yanked him against me for a kiss. “Guess I just must like assholes after all.”
Sometime I'll update about important things, I promise. But until then, I love you all :)
Prompt: You get a phone call from a strange number. The voice on the other end says he can reunite you with a lost love forever. In return he will take the life of someone close to you. He proves his power by giving you a full day with your lost love. Describe the day and your decision.
Title: For the Love of a Baboon
Rating: R, for language and crude humor.
Word Count: 1850
Author's Notes: This was fun to write. I really had no idea where I was going with it until I got done. There’s quite a bit of language in this piece, so be warned. I don’t know if I’ll ever edit it or turn it into something bigger. Either way, it really was fun doing this exercise! It is written in first person, since that seems to be what the prompt demanded.
I stretched a little, slowly surfacing from my dreams. What a crazy night. I scrubbed my hands over my face roughly. It was hot in my room. Why was it hot? I knew I had set the air conditioner before I went to sleep. Stupid thing. Muttering under my breath, I sat up a little, glancing to my left. I almost fell off of the bed. Trent was burrowed under my red blanket, curled on his side. He was watching me with his deep green eyes.
“Dammit, Trent! Where the hell did you come from?” I glared at him, not bothering to be angry at the fact that he had clearly broken into my house in the middle of the night. It wasn’t the first time he’d done that.
He laughed at me. I hated it when he laughed at me, like I was just a cute little kid and he was so much smarter. “Now what kind of a welcome home is that?”
“This isn’t your home, asshole. You left, remember?”
“Sure, I remember.” He shrugged. “It’s not like this was my idea. I was supposed to work today, you know. My boss is going to be pissed.”
I snorted. “Like you care if he’s pissed or not. And what the hell do you mean by this wasn’t your idea?”
“I didn’t have a choice. Some crazy guy called me last night and told me I was going to be here in the morning. Something about he was proving something to you and you had a decision to make. I thought he was insane. Guess not.”
I stared at him, a sick feeling in my stomach. So my crazy night wasn’t just an effect of that awful pizza after all. “Shit...” I grumbled. “I was really hoping that was just a dream.”
“Want to tell me when I’m going home?”
“Tonight. You can go tonight. He’ll send you back to wherever you came from, and we’ll both be happy again. You’ll just have to suffer through one day with me.” I sighed. Just a few hours. Then he’d be gone and everything would go back to normal. Why did that stupid crazy guy have to call me, anyway? I didn’t want my lost love back! I was fine. Just fine.
His voice was quiet. “Are you happy, Kris?”
The question made me mad. “Of course I’m happy! Why wouldn’t I be happy? My life is great, no thanks to you.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m an asshole. But I’m pretty sure you used to like that.”
“Used to. Not anymore. Now I hate it.”
“Love you too, darling.”
He was laughing at me again. I felt like smothering him with my pillow. No, that would be too childish. He was burrowing out of the covers. I couldn’t help but stare. All that sandy hair and rippling muscle. No wonder I had fallen in love with him. He was dressed in blue Dickies and work boots, with no shirt. I pointed it out, of course. “You’re missing half your wardrobe, cowboy.”
“Your crazy friend couldn’t wait until I got dressed.” He flexed his sculpted arms and chest. “What, you don’t like me without a shirt anymore?”
I rolled my eyes. “Would it hurt your fragile ego if I said no?”
“Nope. I’m a sexy beast. Besides, you’d be lying.”
“So what? I’ve done worse things.” I kicked the covers off and stood up, tossing my mane of tangled black hair over my shoulder. I could hear his sharp intake of breath, then a low whistle.
“Shit, Kristy. You trying to kill me?”
“Trust me, I’ve thought about it.” I spat the words before I realized what he meant. I wasn’t wearing a shred of clothing. It was a habit he’d gotten me into, and I’d just never started back. Sleep’s more comfy when I’m naked. I raised my chin, planting my hands on my hips. He was still staring at me like a fat kid stares at McDonalds. “What? Geez, you look like you just got hit with a stupid stick.”
He spoke slowly, almost as if he couldn’t find words. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? He wasn’t supposed to be nice to me! He took a step forward, but I stopped him with a hiss. “Don’t, Trent.”
“Why not?”
“Because I said so, that’s why! Just don’t!” I couldn’t handle it if he touched me. There was no way. I needed to be angry, to hate him. Otherwise I’d just turn into the blubbering slob that I was for so long after he left. I didn’t want to like him again. I sure didn’t want to love him again.
“Convinced yourself you don’t love me anymore, babe?”
“I don’t love you. I don’t have to convince myself of that.” Even as I was grinding the words out I knew they were lies. He knew they were lies.
“Now, now. Didn’t your mother teach you to tell the truth?” He smirked, then grabbed me so fast I couldn’t react. Somehow I ended up flat on my back on my bed, with his heavy body on top of mine.
“Dammit, Trent! Get off!” I fought wildly, but he held me down easily. He always could. I could swear he was laughing at me again. I sunk my teeth hard into his shoulder. “Get off of me you big baboon!”
He growled, putting a pillow between my chest and his. “No biting. And that’s not a nice name. Asshole I can handle, but baboon is just taking it too far.” There was a wicked glint in his eye. It was all too much.
Suddenly we were laughing hysterically. He rolled off of me to let me breathe. We lay there helpless for ten minutes. It felt good. I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed like that. When we finally got quiet, he propped himself up on his elbow and looked at me. “You know, Kris, I’ve never laughed with anyone the way I laugh with you.”
Yeah. Sure. He was just saying that because I was naked and it turned him on. Stupid man. “Well I’ve never fought with anyone the way I fight with you.”
“And I’ve never had makeup sex be as awesome with anyone as it is with you.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
I couldn’t laugh at that. It was too close to everything I hadn’t thought about in a year. I closed my eyes for a long moment. When I opened them, he was still looking at me. His eyes were suspiciously shiny. “Are you crying?”
“Nope. I’m relaxing my tear ducts for a minute.”
“You’re crying!” I couldn’t believe it. Never had I seen him cry before. He was always one of those macho men. Tears were something that needy women had.
He flopped onto his back, putting his hands behind his head. “Fine. But I’m tearing, not crying. There’s a difference.”
“Homo.” I couldn’t bring myself to ask him why.
“Didn’t I just say something about name-calling?”
I smirked. “You’re a dumb homo baboon.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“What are we, in fourth grade now?”
“No. We’re certainly not.” He turned, wrapping his arms around me too quickly for me to react. With a little tug, I was tight against him, my face just inches from his.
“Trent. I can’t do this. We can’t do this. I won’t.”
He pressed his lips onto my forehead with infinite tenderness. “Shut up.”
I shut up. I mean, what was I supposed to do? The thought of his strong arms around me had been invading my dreams for months. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. We stayed exactly like that for hours, occasionally shifting positions, but never did he move his arms. He didn’t kiss me once. He didn’t even touch me like he used to. He never used to be able to lie next to me without starting something, sex or otherwise. Eventually we got hungry and got up.
He feigned starvation. “What’s on the menu, chef?”
“Cheese sandwiches.”
“Really? Gourmet, aren’t you.”
“Can it, bucko. I was going to go to the store today, before you interrupted me.” I trudged to the kitchen and got the sandwich fixings out, banging the refrigerator door closed. He leaned against the counter, watching me. I didn’t want to talk, but I knew that wouldn’t matter to him.
“Gonna tell me what the big decision is?”
I sighed. Of course. He couldn’t just let me be. “No.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t like talking to baboons.”
“I have a right to know, Kris. Why am I here?”
I slapped mayonnaise on bread and threw the knife in the sink angrily. “I can keep you forever and let someone close to me die, or send you back to wherever the hell you ran off to and keep everything around here perfect.” He was quiet, and I went back to making sandwiches.
“I’m sorry, Kristy. I know that doesn’t mean anything, but I’m sorry.” He shrugged. “I know I was an asshole. Still am, probably. I haven’t changed much.”
I chewed on my lip nervously, handing him his dinner. “Liar. So far you’ve cried, cuddled, and apologized. Are you sure you’re not a homo?”
He smiled, and it made my stomach flip over. “You got me. I take it up the butt.” He took a dramatic bite out of his sandwich, making obscene gestures with his free hand. Suddenly serious, he swallowed and set his plate down. “I’m not going to ask you to keep me. I can’t put that on you.”
Before I could respond, a black explosion of smoke appeared in my kitchen and a man stepped out of it. “Ready to make your decision?”
I chucked my sandwich at him. “First of all, it hasn’t been a whole day yet. Second, can’t you knock? And what the hell is all that smoke for? Now I have to clean!”
The man merely smiled sardonically and repeated his question. “Ready to make your decision?”
My stomach twisted painfully. I hate moments like that. The weird man was staring at me; Trent was staring at me. I felt like throwing up, screaming, and running back upstairs to hide under my covers. Maybe I would wake up and it would be tomorrow and none of this would have happened. Everyone was still staring at me. I chewed on my nails. This wasn’t fair! Finally I squished my eyes shut and pointed wildly in Trent’s direction. I heard a bang, but couldn’t force myself to look.
Familiar hands settled on my shoulders. “Kris.”
I cracked one eye. “Hm?”
“Why did you do that? You know what that means. You know how much we’re going to have to work at this.”
I smiled, one of those rare genuine smiles that light up a room, and yanked him against me for a kiss. “Guess I just must like assholes after all.”