Pot
well things have been pretty crazy for me lately. I work at the Hemet store now and its fucking awesome. I get paid to smoke weed w/my best friend. i smoke on the way to work, Ginnie calls it getting prepared/ready for work, me and ginniw take a 10 and smoke, then i go on my break and we smoke, then we'll take like more 10's throughout the night and just be stoned. its awesome. the Hemet store is so slow that its easy to get away w/too. ive been working 6 days a week while going to school so its really starting to wear me down. my body scheduel is all messed up again. my sleeping and eating patterns and shit are all fucked up. oh well.
ive been getting really depressed agian lately too. Ginnie said something the otehr night at work that really got to me. she told me how shes finally starting to feel like herself again and no longer has to pretend. Feel like myself? how the fuck can i feel like my self if its been so long since ive felt normal that i havw no fucking clue how i used to feel when i was happy. i cut my leg up at work after that one. its just that things have been so bad lately that all i ever feel is stoned and sedated. seems like thats all that keeps me alive cause when im stoned i dont give a fuck about anything. Ginnie calls it my chill mode. i just dont know what to do w/myself anymore. all ive ever wanted is to be happy and loved. is that so hard?
ive been getting really depressed agian lately too. Ginnie said something the otehr night at work that really got to me. she told me how shes finally starting to feel like herself again and no longer has to pretend. Feel like myself? how the fuck can i feel like my self if its been so long since ive felt normal that i havw no fucking clue how i used to feel when i was happy. i cut my leg up at work after that one. its just that things have been so bad lately that all i ever feel is stoned and sedated. seems like thats all that keeps me alive cause when im stoned i dont give a fuck about anything. Ginnie calls it my chill mode. i just dont know what to do w/myself anymore. all ive ever wanted is to be happy and loved. is that so hard?