(no subject)
I slept all day today, i must have woken up around 1pm, looked about and saw no-one home. I was gratefull.
I sat staring out the crack of the curtains in bed looking out into the clear sky, it was a good day, a day that i would have to spend sleeping through. Normally i would sleep until 4pm after working nights, and although i felt awake, i still felt drained.
I sat whispering to myself, in prayer almost for clarity. My head has been full of so much crap recently that i needed to talk it out with myself to affirm where i was in the world. Recent times have assured me that i am still the person i thought i was, it seems mad to think that someone would talk to himself in the morning, but i guess thats down to personal opinion on whether your talking to be heard, or talking to something that you know is listening. Priests and worshipers do it, so why cant i? i have no icons or trinkets to pray to, i dont need them.
I was woken up again about 8:45pm, after someone told me the time i though i had missed a day out somewhere, my son was lying on top of me, he looked so tired and estranged. The poor guy has some sort of tummy bug, but he relentlessly keeps his chin up (Good wee man) and suffers quietly by himself, i notice that others want to pick him up and play with him, much to his distress, but no-body can understand him, except maybe me? My sons eyes tell more than a thousand stories of emotion when i look at him. I can see his frustration with others, and his methods of frustrating them back..he has a cheeky look that he gives me when he succeeds, something me and him have grown to share with listening eyes.
I got up, and made a coffee and smoked a cigerette outside the kitchen door. My son was bathing with his mother. Somehow i sensed from her that something was either said to her today by my sister, or something else. I have been under the weather of late, finances have always been a burden to me, not soley for my own spending but *other* people lack of self control, if i can put it that way. The conversation of cars came up, and my lack of interest pretty much showed. I prompted the reminder that £400 was needed for May and how every one was in chipping in for the whole familly to fly together, the car subject was droppped....fun thing that.
AMA Superbikes came onto the TV, so i sat watching that, there was comapny in the room, but for the most part i sat in silence, making small talk, my head wasnt quite with it.
My drive to work was too quick, but the journeyto work was a long one, if that makes sense?
What thoughts i had in that car on the way up i cannot remember, the memory of it is pretty vague, but i arrived at work completely alive. Someone once said to me that what ever i do on journey/rides i should do more of...and if i dont, then that suffocates you! Curious, i must get my bike back on the road
I sat staring out the crack of the curtains in bed looking out into the clear sky, it was a good day, a day that i would have to spend sleeping through. Normally i would sleep until 4pm after working nights, and although i felt awake, i still felt drained.
I sat whispering to myself, in prayer almost for clarity. My head has been full of so much crap recently that i needed to talk it out with myself to affirm where i was in the world. Recent times have assured me that i am still the person i thought i was, it seems mad to think that someone would talk to himself in the morning, but i guess thats down to personal opinion on whether your talking to be heard, or talking to something that you know is listening. Priests and worshipers do it, so why cant i? i have no icons or trinkets to pray to, i dont need them.
I was woken up again about 8:45pm, after someone told me the time i though i had missed a day out somewhere, my son was lying on top of me, he looked so tired and estranged. The poor guy has some sort of tummy bug, but he relentlessly keeps his chin up (Good wee man) and suffers quietly by himself, i notice that others want to pick him up and play with him, much to his distress, but no-body can understand him, except maybe me? My sons eyes tell more than a thousand stories of emotion when i look at him. I can see his frustration with others, and his methods of frustrating them back..he has a cheeky look that he gives me when he succeeds, something me and him have grown to share with listening eyes.
I got up, and made a coffee and smoked a cigerette outside the kitchen door. My son was bathing with his mother. Somehow i sensed from her that something was either said to her today by my sister, or something else. I have been under the weather of late, finances have always been a burden to me, not soley for my own spending but *other* people lack of self control, if i can put it that way. The conversation of cars came up, and my lack of interest pretty much showed. I prompted the reminder that £400 was needed for May and how every one was in chipping in for the whole familly to fly together, the car subject was droppped....fun thing that.
AMA Superbikes came onto the TV, so i sat watching that, there was comapny in the room, but for the most part i sat in silence, making small talk, my head wasnt quite with it.
My drive to work was too quick, but the journeyto work was a long one, if that makes sense?
What thoughts i had in that car on the way up i cannot remember, the memory of it is pretty vague, but i arrived at work completely alive. Someone once said to me that what ever i do on journey/rides i should do more of...and if i dont, then that suffocates you! Curious, i must get my bike back on the road