IVF & TTC
Sheldyn and I have been talking for a while about TTC - and IVF - we have decided we are going to stop actively TTC - Last night we talked for a while about it - and i just get so tired of taking pills upon pills and nothing working. Yes I know it doesnt happen overnight but to take over 30 pills a day with no results seems like a waste.
We decided that if after I am done with college if we still have not fallen pregnant that we will do IVF as well as look into adoption. We decided we would like to adopt a child with down syndrome - as well as a "normal" one.
While sheldyn and I still do want a child of our own if IVF does not take.. we will just proceed with adoption. Either way I will be a mother and he will be a daddy, whether I gave birth or not. I have finally began to come with terms that even though people with PCOS can have children.. it is a very long drawn out and tiring road - and while I have been trying - it just seems like everyday and every month I get more and more depressed as I know I am not pregnant and nothing is seeming to work.
Also I am no longer going to acupuncture - i was dropped as a patient because i had an appointment on the day I was in seattle and since i couldnt get ahold of them they dropped me.
I may in the upcoming months go back on the BC pill just to help with shrinking my cysts - and to give me a period... but this time I am not letting them push me around - I will CHOOSE the pill.. not them. I am sick of having doctors push me around and put me on these random pills that have evil side effects. It's getting rediculous.
I have also decided that after we can get both sheldyn and I checked - depending on what the results are - we might look into donor sperm/eggs - depending on the results. Even though I am not too keen on the idea - I am not going to rule it out.
While it does hurt me that I cant just be normal and get knocked up like its nothing - it is time to face facts. While being off and on BC for 3 yrs - and now being off of it for almost a year.. i see that this will be a very hard road...
Sheldyn & I spoke about it last night.. and about how a shot may have ruined our chance of ever having a child. And i do on some levels place blame on myself for letting a doctor put that crap into my body - but also I place blame on an ex friend who convinced me to go on it.. saying how it was a miracle drug with no periods... They didnt know how right they were...
We have also decided that even though we love the name Nicholas Alexander that since the passing of Sheldyn's grandpa that we would like to name our son: Willis Duane - Willis for his gpa and Duane for his dad.
My feelings on this whole TTC are torn.. while I would love to have a child now.. it kills me that I cant. All my friends can see how it just tears me up inside - and so can my husband. My family on the other hand is full of dipwads who like to fight with me about MY BODY and TTC... This stopping of the TTC has pulled at my heartstrings - but I know it is truly for the best.... TTC has consumed my thoughts, my body, and my soul and its just drained me both physically and emotionally.
So we are still basically TTC yet not.. we are not using precautions *until maybe when i get back on BC pills for PCOS issues* - but thats about it. We are not going to focus on TTC - we are just going to take it one day as a time... We are just TTC while moving forward with IVF & Adoption.