Am i okay
I find myself asking myself that question all of the time for some weird reason, "am i okay" because i really dont feel okay. I'm so tired of being so indecesisive when it comes to everything and i am really tired of just about everything. I have two reasons i even get up everyday and that is Ashley and my band....I mean ashley is the greatest thing that has ever happend to me and sometimes i treat her like shit, and i hate myself for it and i dont know why i do it....I always hurt the people i care about the most, and idont know why....I love my grandparents if it wasnt for them i would be homeless pretty much but sometimes i treat them like shit and i dont know why....I have good friends but sometimes they act like they dont want to have anything to do with me, and that really makes me wonder....Are they really my friends? would they care if something happend to me? would they come to my funeral if i died? those are the kind of idiotic questions i ask my self everyday....Ive always been one of those people who like to make everyone i know like me and want to be around me, but it seems lately to just come crashing down on me....You know i find out that people i thought that like me just dont and people that i consider friends arent....its just a really hard time for me right now in general i guess....im still looking for a job to no avail....but im not as concerned as much with that as i should be i guess ive been putting the most in to the band im in....I think this might actually be the one for me that might take me somewhere....we are going to record a demo pretty soon we hope to in the next couple of months....we want to get on with playing shows before summer so anyone that reads this is welcome to message me asking in the future when and where we are going to play....i hope its soon that we can begin playing gigs, we are just doing a lot of writing right now....but anyways leave a comment or two if you want it would be appreciated....to ashley i love you to all my real friends thanks you know who you are....