typical shit.
I decided to do the same old "10 things you've always wanted to say to people, but you won't, so you post it anonymously on the internet instead to let it all out while avoiding direct confrontation." GROOOOL.
1. I know. I read what you wrote to her so long ago, and I thought I recognized it then, but I couldn't be sure. I told myself I was making it up in my head. I told myself things only seemed this way because I wanted it to be true. Not so that you would have to deal with it, but so that I wouldn't be alone. Now I know its true. I wish I could've said something to you then, and I can't believe I won't say anything to you now. I want to. I want you to know. I want to be there for you and let you know you're not alone. But I just can't do it, because what if I'm wrong? I know I'm not, but what if? Then I would have let you in for free. I wish that you could read this and just know. I know that won't happen but I'm still going to keep wishing that you someday understand and that you'll ask me about it, because God knows I won't ask you.
2. I miss you a lot. I miss the way things were when we were friends. Not that we're enemies now or anything, but we've grown so far apart that I can't even pretend that the bond is still there. I wish it was, but I've accepted the fact that things change, not just between people, but people themselves change. Neither of us are the same people we were when we knew eachother but I wouldn't hate it if you called me once in a while to let me know that you care and just want to hang out. Just once. Have you ever? No. But I haven't either, and I guess that's just the way things have to be.
3. I will never forgive myself for the way I hurt you. What I did was the most horrible thing anyone could have done and I want to apologize and let you know just how sorry I am, but after so long, is it really even worth it? What would I say and would you even know why? It eats me alive and I think you've let it go, but I still haven't. I often imagine how I would have felt if I were you and maybe I should have done things differently... because I will never forgive myself, now. But I hope you can forgive me.
4. I can't say I'm sorry we've grown apart. It's not that didn't I enjoy our time together, but there was just so much wrong, we simply didn't match. We didn't clash, either... but we surely didn't match. I hate(d) the way you would act like you knew all about things I know you have no fucking clue about. Things that real fucking people suffer from everyday, but you, for some twisted reason, seemed to wish you would suffer from, too. I hate(d) how stubborn you were. No, you're not always right, so deflate your huge ego and allow yourself to be corrected when the time is right. Again, now that we've grown apart, I can see that you've become a different person. Maybe even a better person, but how should I know? You weren't what I was looking for before, and maybe you aren't what I'm looking for now, since we haven't found each other again. But even if it doesn't benefit me, I'm glad to see that you're different now.
5. The one fucking person I thought I could always count on to be there for me. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. Even when you actually are there, you still fucking aren't. You're never there. Just like I have with everyone else, I've accepted that, but for some reason I almost want for you to not be there. I want you to miss out on my life. I don't want you to be out of it in body, just in mind. I almost dread seeing you these days. It just doesn't feel right anymore.
6. I really want to write something about you but I can't, because it would be way too obvious that I was talking about you.
7. I hate how much I care about you. I hate how I let everything you do get to me. I know I probably shouldn't take your shit to the butt, but I do. I feel terribly unappreciated, and as though you don't treat me the way a friend should be treated. I often feel that while I'm joking around with you, you're being dead serious and it's more hurtful than you know. Then again, I suppose it's very possible you feel the same way about the things I say, and I know I'm not perfect (in fact I'm far from it), but it was never, and will never be, my intention to hurt you. I wish I knew what actually went through that big head of yours. I wish I knew anything. Are we really even friends? Am I the girl you are forced to put up with because you'll never be able to get rid of me? Some days I'm not sure. You're so hard to read. I just want to know the truth. But you're so good at hiding that. I wrote this a couple weeks ago and now I have so much more to add. I don't exactly know why you're doing this to me. I've lost the connection with the majoriy of people in my life and it was nice to know you were there. I wanted to hold onto you because I felt like you were the one person that nobody in this world could take away from me. But as the days go on, it becomes more and more obvious that I never even had the slightest grasp on you. I don't even matter to you. And that hurts more than anything.
8. You're an asshole. While I've heard you say a few respectable things, about 97% of what comes out of your mouth is just you being a pretentious asshole. It's funny how you think you're the shit. You're not. You probably just smell like it. Honestly, why you're always right, why you always have the better story or have been through harder shit, and why your rude fucking opinion is the only thing that matters, I'll never know. Well, I do have one potential reason in my mind that would explain why you're so mad at the world: BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MAN.
9. It's crazy how much credit I don't give you. When I think about it, you are the person who listens to me and respects me and everything else that no one, aside from you, does. Even when I know you couldn't care less, you can find a way to pretend that you do in a manner that's both convincing and delightful. Everyone should have you in their lives. You're quite unexpected, a pleasant little surprise. I enjoy your presence.
10. You thought you left your weed at my place and I assured you it was nowhere to be found. I lied. Sorry.
1. I know. I read what you wrote to her so long ago, and I thought I recognized it then, but I couldn't be sure. I told myself I was making it up in my head. I told myself things only seemed this way because I wanted it to be true. Not so that you would have to deal with it, but so that I wouldn't be alone. Now I know its true. I wish I could've said something to you then, and I can't believe I won't say anything to you now. I want to. I want you to know. I want to be there for you and let you know you're not alone. But I just can't do it, because what if I'm wrong? I know I'm not, but what if? Then I would have let you in for free. I wish that you could read this and just know. I know that won't happen but I'm still going to keep wishing that you someday understand and that you'll ask me about it, because God knows I won't ask you.
2. I miss you a lot. I miss the way things were when we were friends. Not that we're enemies now or anything, but we've grown so far apart that I can't even pretend that the bond is still there. I wish it was, but I've accepted the fact that things change, not just between people, but people themselves change. Neither of us are the same people we were when we knew eachother but I wouldn't hate it if you called me once in a while to let me know that you care and just want to hang out. Just once. Have you ever? No. But I haven't either, and I guess that's just the way things have to be.
3. I will never forgive myself for the way I hurt you. What I did was the most horrible thing anyone could have done and I want to apologize and let you know just how sorry I am, but after so long, is it really even worth it? What would I say and would you even know why? It eats me alive and I think you've let it go, but I still haven't. I often imagine how I would have felt if I were you and maybe I should have done things differently... because I will never forgive myself, now. But I hope you can forgive me.
4. I can't say I'm sorry we've grown apart. It's not that didn't I enjoy our time together, but there was just so much wrong, we simply didn't match. We didn't clash, either... but we surely didn't match. I hate(d) the way you would act like you knew all about things I know you have no fucking clue about. Things that real fucking people suffer from everyday, but you, for some twisted reason, seemed to wish you would suffer from, too. I hate(d) how stubborn you were. No, you're not always right, so deflate your huge ego and allow yourself to be corrected when the time is right. Again, now that we've grown apart, I can see that you've become a different person. Maybe even a better person, but how should I know? You weren't what I was looking for before, and maybe you aren't what I'm looking for now, since we haven't found each other again. But even if it doesn't benefit me, I'm glad to see that you're different now.
5. The one fucking person I thought I could always count on to be there for me. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. Even when you actually are there, you still fucking aren't. You're never there. Just like I have with everyone else, I've accepted that, but for some reason I almost want for you to not be there. I want you to miss out on my life. I don't want you to be out of it in body, just in mind. I almost dread seeing you these days. It just doesn't feel right anymore.
6. I really want to write something about you but I can't, because it would be way too obvious that I was talking about you.
7. I hate how much I care about you. I hate how I let everything you do get to me. I know I probably shouldn't take your shit to the butt, but I do. I feel terribly unappreciated, and as though you don't treat me the way a friend should be treated. I often feel that while I'm joking around with you, you're being dead serious and it's more hurtful than you know. Then again, I suppose it's very possible you feel the same way about the things I say, and I know I'm not perfect (in fact I'm far from it), but it was never, and will never be, my intention to hurt you. I wish I knew what actually went through that big head of yours. I wish I knew anything. Are we really even friends? Am I the girl you are forced to put up with because you'll never be able to get rid of me? Some days I'm not sure. You're so hard to read. I just want to know the truth. But you're so good at hiding that. I wrote this a couple weeks ago and now I have so much more to add. I don't exactly know why you're doing this to me. I've lost the connection with the majoriy of people in my life and it was nice to know you were there. I wanted to hold onto you because I felt like you were the one person that nobody in this world could take away from me. But as the days go on, it becomes more and more obvious that I never even had the slightest grasp on you. I don't even matter to you. And that hurts more than anything.
8. You're an asshole. While I've heard you say a few respectable things, about 97% of what comes out of your mouth is just you being a pretentious asshole. It's funny how you think you're the shit. You're not. You probably just smell like it. Honestly, why you're always right, why you always have the better story or have been through harder shit, and why your rude fucking opinion is the only thing that matters, I'll never know. Well, I do have one potential reason in my mind that would explain why you're so mad at the world: BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MAN.
9. It's crazy how much credit I don't give you. When I think about it, you are the person who listens to me and respects me and everything else that no one, aside from you, does. Even when I know you couldn't care less, you can find a way to pretend that you do in a manner that's both convincing and delightful. Everyone should have you in their lives. You're quite unexpected, a pleasant little surprise. I enjoy your presence.
10. You thought you left your weed at my place and I assured you it was nowhere to be found. I lied. Sorry.