Thinkin...
Today has been all about thinkin. Thinkin about what I'm doing, what I should be doing, and what I really want to be doing. The past few days I've just been wondering how and why I ended up here. Don't get me wrong, I live living up here...but things aren't what I thought they were going to be. I love the people I have met and the opportunities I have had...but I still feel like I'm searching for something. Something is still missing in my life.
I was sittin here thinkin about how I am about to be 22. I know what I am capable of, but I have yet to prove any of that to myself or anyone around me. I'm living 200 miles away from my family, I'm a college dropout, I'm working a job that I know I'm completely over-qualified for, and there is still about a million other things I am not happy with when it comes to my life.
I'm tired of living today in hope that tommorrow will be better. I want some stability and a future to look forward to. Right now all I have is a job I know is barely paying my bills and an intellect that reminds me of how much better I can do for myself. But what are my options when the money just isn't there?
I want to start my life. I want to get married and start having babies. I want a family that I can be proud of and know that I am needed in that sense. Obviously, its not so much the career that I am after right now...I know that will all come when the time is right. And I guess if I'm being logical...the rest will come when the time is right for that too.
It might seem that I am wishing my life away and in a lot of ways I am forcing myself to grow up but I don't see the problem with that anymore. I've done what I've done and been through what I've been through and I'm finished living that kind of life. I'm ready for something permanent. I'm so tired of the easy-come, easy-go life...I want something that challenges me to make the best of every situation.
If only I had learned to trust my own decisions when I was younger, choosing a path to lead my life might not be as difficult as I make it out to be. If there wasn't someone always criticizing my every move, I might have learned to do that. I know that my life is mine to live, but it seems like I always need someone's approval... just so I know that at least one person thinks I'm doing the right thing, even if its totally wrong.
If only I could say what I really mean...
Love always, Ashley Rae<3
I was sittin here thinkin about how I am about to be 22. I know what I am capable of, but I have yet to prove any of that to myself or anyone around me. I'm living 200 miles away from my family, I'm a college dropout, I'm working a job that I know I'm completely over-qualified for, and there is still about a million other things I am not happy with when it comes to my life.
I'm tired of living today in hope that tommorrow will be better. I want some stability and a future to look forward to. Right now all I have is a job I know is barely paying my bills and an intellect that reminds me of how much better I can do for myself. But what are my options when the money just isn't there?
I want to start my life. I want to get married and start having babies. I want a family that I can be proud of and know that I am needed in that sense. Obviously, its not so much the career that I am after right now...I know that will all come when the time is right. And I guess if I'm being logical...the rest will come when the time is right for that too.
It might seem that I am wishing my life away and in a lot of ways I am forcing myself to grow up but I don't see the problem with that anymore. I've done what I've done and been through what I've been through and I'm finished living that kind of life. I'm ready for something permanent. I'm so tired of the easy-come, easy-go life...I want something that challenges me to make the best of every situation.
If only I had learned to trust my own decisions when I was younger, choosing a path to lead my life might not be as difficult as I make it out to be. If there wasn't someone always criticizing my every move, I might have learned to do that. I know that my life is mine to live, but it seems like I always need someone's approval... just so I know that at least one person thinks I'm doing the right thing, even if its totally wrong.
If only I could say what I really mean...
Love always, Ashley Rae<3