Just hold me close, don't patronize me.
Decided to stay here at school and now I'm having a rough time deciding what I want...idk I just need to make more new "friends". I have fun hanging out with lots of people and it's not like I only know four people or something - haha I know alot of people and say hi around campus but there are only a few I hang out with constantly and I'm working on making more friends...I just hate it I feel like I'm in elementary again.
Not to mention I'm having a rough time without Simon - we talked about it tonight and about how Im going through withdrawl...and trying to fill some void where he should be, with other males and male attention. And of course I had my own opinion on things but...you can ask me about it. Anyways being so used to being friends with more guys in high school and not girls...is rough coming to college - not to mention you can never tell with them. They say girls are complicated...at least a girl will tell you what she thinks, if you honestly care to ask. However, guys for some reason feel the need to be..well..if there were any other word..."sketch".
So basically I'm suffering the slings and arrows of college and idk I'm enjoying myself, and I love college...however at the same time I'm still so overwhelmed with everything that I dont know what to do. Plus..my mom thinks I'm a prozac baby - and I think so too. There's some sort of emotional hormonal imbalance that I'm suffering because I'm too damn sensitive and I get easily angered...blah...and I want to be a psychologist..psh.
Speaking of Psych yeah I think I'm changing my major to Bio once and for all. Anatomy is going to be damn near impossible next semester and I'm going to freakin' fail.
There are so many songs that Erica and I have been listening to like over and over...just a few to name
"Can't make you love me" - Bonnie Raitt
"True" - Ryan Cabrera
"Since you've been gone" - Kelly Clarkson
"Broken" - Seether
"Name" - Goo Goo Dolls
But which one to make my song of the day...
See a pattern? Yeah we're depressed or some shit. BLAH - I need to be saved. Is it true that Jesus lovers are always happy? They seem that way..unless that permanent smile on their face is fake...then sign me up Jesus.
UGHHHHHHHH - today Erica and I went shopping and bought new shirts...to make ourselves happier. Because everyone seems to be incredibly sketch - making things into things they are not.
Today at the game Shane told me he was "telling" on me to Simon, because he heard I'd been going out on double dates with Erica Mike and Wilson apparently...well sweet wonder where he heard that one. This is getting just about ridiculous. The only reason they seem like double dates is because other people are seperating themselves to make them look like double dates. Man that pissed me off. Ri-god-damn-diculous.
Anyways, today I also went and worked at Girls Inc. with Erica for Community Service (for University Experience), and the fact that little girls are as under privaleged as they may be...they still want you to love them and they still cling to you for every ounce of attention and it made me feel good about myself. I wasn't there all but 5 minutes and I had three girls clinging to me and fighting for mine and Erica's attention and even referring to us as their mommy...I told them that had to stop however..I'm only 18 haha. Anyways, there were these two little girls, Kathryn and Automne, and Kathryn was a little Italian girl, very pretty long beautiful brown hair who came and clung to me the whole time, and asked me to read her a story and she kept getting books and books and books for me to read to her...and the fact that I made her happy, it made my happy. Then she sat on my lap as we looked for words in the crossword puzzle. Then Automne and I played Jenga and she colored me pictures of Clifford the big red dog..they're going on my wall lol. And another little black girl named Uniqua...crazy...asked me to help her with her homework and I just felt really awesome about helping those girls out. You can tell they come from bad homes and aren't neglected but dont get as much attention as they should, and the fact that I could provide that to them..and at the same time get some attention myself *not in the conceded way, but the attention of being loved* felt awesome and I could potentially go back there again.
Blah..tonight at the game I told Erica I missed high school - isn't that sad? I love living here and being away from my sister and my family most of the time, but Simon it's so hard with out you. You just need to transfer to BWG DHL and things would rock haha. Anyways...I've had enough "stress" if it's even that...probably just my raging hormones..I'm going to bed.
Not to mention I'm having a rough time without Simon - we talked about it tonight and about how Im going through withdrawl...and trying to fill some void where he should be, with other males and male attention. And of course I had my own opinion on things but...you can ask me about it. Anyways being so used to being friends with more guys in high school and not girls...is rough coming to college - not to mention you can never tell with them. They say girls are complicated...at least a girl will tell you what she thinks, if you honestly care to ask. However, guys for some reason feel the need to be..well..if there were any other word..."sketch".
So basically I'm suffering the slings and arrows of college and idk I'm enjoying myself, and I love college...however at the same time I'm still so overwhelmed with everything that I dont know what to do. Plus..my mom thinks I'm a prozac baby - and I think so too. There's some sort of emotional hormonal imbalance that I'm suffering because I'm too damn sensitive and I get easily angered...blah...and I want to be a psychologist..psh.
Speaking of Psych yeah I think I'm changing my major to Bio once and for all. Anatomy is going to be damn near impossible next semester and I'm going to freakin' fail.
There are so many songs that Erica and I have been listening to like over and over...just a few to name
"Can't make you love me" - Bonnie Raitt
"True" - Ryan Cabrera
"Since you've been gone" - Kelly Clarkson
"Broken" - Seether
"Name" - Goo Goo Dolls
But which one to make my song of the day...
See a pattern? Yeah we're depressed or some shit. BLAH - I need to be saved. Is it true that Jesus lovers are always happy? They seem that way..unless that permanent smile on their face is fake...then sign me up Jesus.
UGHHHHHHHH - today Erica and I went shopping and bought new shirts...to make ourselves happier. Because everyone seems to be incredibly sketch - making things into things they are not.
Today at the game Shane told me he was "telling" on me to Simon, because he heard I'd been going out on double dates with Erica Mike and Wilson apparently...well sweet wonder where he heard that one. This is getting just about ridiculous. The only reason they seem like double dates is because other people are seperating themselves to make them look like double dates. Man that pissed me off. Ri-god-damn-diculous.
Anyways, today I also went and worked at Girls Inc. with Erica for Community Service (for University Experience), and the fact that little girls are as under privaleged as they may be...they still want you to love them and they still cling to you for every ounce of attention and it made me feel good about myself. I wasn't there all but 5 minutes and I had three girls clinging to me and fighting for mine and Erica's attention and even referring to us as their mommy...I told them that had to stop however..I'm only 18 haha. Anyways, there were these two little girls, Kathryn and Automne, and Kathryn was a little Italian girl, very pretty long beautiful brown hair who came and clung to me the whole time, and asked me to read her a story and she kept getting books and books and books for me to read to her...and the fact that I made her happy, it made my happy. Then she sat on my lap as we looked for words in the crossword puzzle. Then Automne and I played Jenga and she colored me pictures of Clifford the big red dog..they're going on my wall lol. And another little black girl named Uniqua...crazy...asked me to help her with her homework and I just felt really awesome about helping those girls out. You can tell they come from bad homes and aren't neglected but dont get as much attention as they should, and the fact that I could provide that to them..and at the same time get some attention myself *not in the conceded way, but the attention of being loved* felt awesome and I could potentially go back there again.
Blah..tonight at the game I told Erica I missed high school - isn't that sad? I love living here and being away from my sister and my family most of the time, but Simon it's so hard with out you. You just need to transfer to BWG DHL and things would rock haha. Anyways...I've had enough "stress" if it's even that...probably just my raging hormones..I'm going to bed.