could i be any more emo in this moment...
i think not.
like i always say -
... living life as a gamma may not be too terrible.
.... right now i feel like a bad weight on whatever scale it is that balances the universe. without bad, no good right? some weights soar and fly merrily through life untouched, and others stay grounded and do the best they can to overcome whatever horrible things are thrown their way... sometimes these bad weights can soar on happiness... but eventually their strings are cut and whatever force was holding those strings.. whatever cut them... laughs.. and the bad weight crashes to the ground, shatters, and tries to piece itself back together until that asshole of a force lifts them up again on false hopes and imaginary happiness and another cruel joke is played. i keep hearing that happiness is a choice. i suppose it is... but... i;m doing my best to stroll through life peacefully, but no matter where i go or where i turn, there is some ugly monster taking up space in my path. or some brick wall that i inevitably run into. don't get me wrong.. there has been some good in my life, but i;ve noticed that for the most part it usually takes something awful to cause any of that good. and usually the bad still outweighs whatever small good is brought. i'm an extraordinarily unlucky person and perhaps i am destined to wander alone. which.. i mean.. is fine with me... i love alone time. i just wish that life or karma or whatever would quit pulling my leg by sending me false hopes of warmth or care. if i;m meant to be alone... then just leave me be... no need to pour salt into the wounds.
maybe this is all just pms.
maybe i'm depressed.
maybe i'm bitter about a life spent doing my best to care for others and never having the favor returned.
or maybe, as rilo kiley (yeah... the emo-est livejournal entry of all time, right?) so gracefully put it :
".... and i say there's trouble when everything is fine.
the need to destroy things creeps up on me everytime.
and just as love's sillhouette appears i close my eyes and disappear tonight"
sigh. i'm sure i'll feel better in the morning and realize just how ridiculous this entry is... but for now... i'm not feelin' so joyous OK
like i always say -
... living life as a gamma may not be too terrible.
.... right now i feel like a bad weight on whatever scale it is that balances the universe. without bad, no good right? some weights soar and fly merrily through life untouched, and others stay grounded and do the best they can to overcome whatever horrible things are thrown their way... sometimes these bad weights can soar on happiness... but eventually their strings are cut and whatever force was holding those strings.. whatever cut them... laughs.. and the bad weight crashes to the ground, shatters, and tries to piece itself back together until that asshole of a force lifts them up again on false hopes and imaginary happiness and another cruel joke is played. i keep hearing that happiness is a choice. i suppose it is... but... i;m doing my best to stroll through life peacefully, but no matter where i go or where i turn, there is some ugly monster taking up space in my path. or some brick wall that i inevitably run into. don't get me wrong.. there has been some good in my life, but i;ve noticed that for the most part it usually takes something awful to cause any of that good. and usually the bad still outweighs whatever small good is brought. i'm an extraordinarily unlucky person and perhaps i am destined to wander alone. which.. i mean.. is fine with me... i love alone time. i just wish that life or karma or whatever would quit pulling my leg by sending me false hopes of warmth or care. if i;m meant to be alone... then just leave me be... no need to pour salt into the wounds.
maybe this is all just pms.
maybe i'm depressed.
maybe i'm bitter about a life spent doing my best to care for others and never having the favor returned.
or maybe, as rilo kiley (yeah... the emo-est livejournal entry of all time, right?) so gracefully put it :
".... and i say there's trouble when everything is fine.
the need to destroy things creeps up on me everytime.
and just as love's sillhouette appears i close my eyes and disappear tonight"
sigh. i'm sure i'll feel better in the morning and realize just how ridiculous this entry is... but for now... i'm not feelin' so joyous OK