"Last night I wrote a short letter, and it went this way..."
Ok. The past couple of days haven't been very good in the friends dept. I'm going to use lj for exactly what it's meant to be used for...venting, I suppose.
I told Laurel I hated her the other night sort of randomly. There were other things going on...Daniel things. I had been trying to call her for days, and she never answers or calls me back. Tonight I called her from someone else's cell phone, and she answered, sure enough. I love her to death...or maybe I used to? I don't know what it is. Maybe I should've listened to a good friend of mine when they told me that she wasn't really a friend after all that stuff happened last year and she only talked to me when she thought I was in harm's way. I don't hate her. I don't suppose I could ever hate her. I just don't feel the same way that I used to. I guess that's all a part of growing older and apart.
Nikki W. and I have been hanging out a lot lately. We went out today. She didn't want ice cream, and I cried. Yes, you read that right. I cried all the way home and when I got home and took my sunglasses off, I looked like I had two very black eyes. I love Nikki to death too. But she isn't a friend that I can talk to about serious things. That's fine. Not everyone is. It doesn't make her any less than a friend, just a different kind of friend. I love you, Nikki.
I went out with Todd and Regan today/tonight. First we went to Cooper's...the new restaurant Brad is working at. Yum + cheap. Then we went to AP's house, who I haven't seen in a long time. She didn't seem to want to see me until she found out I was with Todd though. Then Todd, Regan, and I came back here. I dyed my hair! It's a dark blonde color with bleached-ish streaks. It's pretty. I like it, and I did it all by my lonesome. Well, Todd cut and held the aluminum foil. I hadn't hung out with Regan in a very very long time. I wasn't really sure where our frienship stood or if much of one remained. Now I know ---> :-D
I absolutely love and miss my two Erin's (Kesler and Pinnix). Why on earth aren't you going to school this semester, Kesler?
I've been talkin to Heather online more lately! I like that. I do miss my Heather with her super-cute new haircut!
I think a huge part of this mental breakdown stuff I have going on right now has to do with leaving for college. That isn't all...it's that I'm leaving for college, and my mom isn't here. She should be here, sending me off, being proud, being the amazing inspiration that she always was and still is even though she is gone. I don't know, I don't feel as though anyone wants to hear that. I tried talking to Daniel, but with his dad being gone now, I think it just upsets him. I think later on, he'll understand. I want my mom to tell me she is proud. I'd give anything just to hear it from her. Hell, I'd give anything to hear it from my dad...and he lives less than an hour away.
School starts in a week (since it's now past mid-night).
Time...it's said that our lives are just a grain of sand on the beach when in comparison to time. But I've come to the conclusion that each grain of sand on the beach matters. Together they make up the entire beach...all of time...what we do with each minute in our possession will eventually become our beach...our life... I want to make my life something different than it is now. I want a completely different beach. Lately, I feel like I don't want a beach anymore at all :-X
I feel so reckless.
Someone should start calling me Demolition Woman because I destroy everything.
Just a few special moments are holding me together.
I feel like my insides are being eaten away.
I told Laurel I hated her the other night sort of randomly. There were other things going on...Daniel things. I had been trying to call her for days, and she never answers or calls me back. Tonight I called her from someone else's cell phone, and she answered, sure enough. I love her to death...or maybe I used to? I don't know what it is. Maybe I should've listened to a good friend of mine when they told me that she wasn't really a friend after all that stuff happened last year and she only talked to me when she thought I was in harm's way. I don't hate her. I don't suppose I could ever hate her. I just don't feel the same way that I used to. I guess that's all a part of growing older and apart.
Nikki W. and I have been hanging out a lot lately. We went out today. She didn't want ice cream, and I cried. Yes, you read that right. I cried all the way home and when I got home and took my sunglasses off, I looked like I had two very black eyes. I love Nikki to death too. But she isn't a friend that I can talk to about serious things. That's fine. Not everyone is. It doesn't make her any less than a friend, just a different kind of friend. I love you, Nikki.
I went out with Todd and Regan today/tonight. First we went to Cooper's...the new restaurant Brad is working at. Yum + cheap. Then we went to AP's house, who I haven't seen in a long time. She didn't seem to want to see me until she found out I was with Todd though. Then Todd, Regan, and I came back here. I dyed my hair! It's a dark blonde color with bleached-ish streaks. It's pretty. I like it, and I did it all by my lonesome. Well, Todd cut and held the aluminum foil. I hadn't hung out with Regan in a very very long time. I wasn't really sure where our frienship stood or if much of one remained. Now I know ---> :-D
I absolutely love and miss my two Erin's (Kesler and Pinnix). Why on earth aren't you going to school this semester, Kesler?
I've been talkin to Heather online more lately! I like that. I do miss my Heather with her super-cute new haircut!
I think a huge part of this mental breakdown stuff I have going on right now has to do with leaving for college. That isn't all...it's that I'm leaving for college, and my mom isn't here. She should be here, sending me off, being proud, being the amazing inspiration that she always was and still is even though she is gone. I don't know, I don't feel as though anyone wants to hear that. I tried talking to Daniel, but with his dad being gone now, I think it just upsets him. I think later on, he'll understand. I want my mom to tell me she is proud. I'd give anything just to hear it from her. Hell, I'd give anything to hear it from my dad...and he lives less than an hour away.
School starts in a week (since it's now past mid-night).
Time...it's said that our lives are just a grain of sand on the beach when in comparison to time. But I've come to the conclusion that each grain of sand on the beach matters. Together they make up the entire beach...all of time...what we do with each minute in our possession will eventually become our beach...our life... I want to make my life something different than it is now. I want a completely different beach. Lately, I feel like I don't want a beach anymore at all :-X
I feel so reckless.
Someone should start calling me Demolition Woman because I destroy everything.
Just a few special moments are holding me together.
I feel like my insides are being eaten away.