You Are My Light (Chapter 8 LAST)
Title: You Are My Light
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ian and Mitchell finally have their last encounter but over the phone, while Anthony eavesdrops on their conversation. And is Ian really up to sleeping with Anthony?
A/N: And so it's the last chapter of You Are My Light! I thank all of you guys who have been reading from the very start! Please tell me what you guys think and enjoy! <3
Disclaimer: Once upon a time, I never owned Smosh. The end. (BOO.)
Chapter Eight
"W-what?" Ian asked, astonished. A sudden question of sleeping with his best friend left him totally speechless. Sure, they've cuddled, they've kissed, they've held hands, but something about sleeping together made Ian throw off his balance for a moment. Did Anthony not remember the night he almost date raped him in bed? Well, duh, he was drunk. Anthony being forceful on him wasn't as bad as Mitchell, though. He couldn't accept Mitchell's behavior like he did with Anthony. Was it because Anthony was just drunk? Either way, almost being raped was traumatizing, no matter who the person was. And almost being killed? Yeah, like that's a different story.
"Yeah." Anthony's voice startled Ian's thought process. "Tonight."
Ian dried his eyes with another tissue. His cheeks became red and he avoided Anthony's longing brown eyes. Just like Mitchell's. "I don't know, Anthony. I can't forget about last night. Like I said at the hospital, you won't understand."
"What I understand is that that Mitch took advantage of you." Anthony said. "He drugged you and brought you into his hotel room. Yes, I know he used to be close to you but don't you realize how much he pisses me off?"
"But that's the thing, Anthony." Ian retorted. "He wanted to be close to me again. It's like his life's incomplete without me."
"So drugging you is the only way for him to get close to you." Anthony rolled his eyes. "Yeah, very smart of him."
"Look." Ian sighed. "You're making this harder than it should be."
"Dude, what the hell?!" Anthony raised his voice. "He almost fucking killed you, Ian! You're acting all calm and relaxed when I'm worried sick about you! He almost took you away from me, Ian. I just... I just can't have that, especially from a sick bastard like him!"
"And you think sleeping with you will make me feel better?!" Ian stood up from the couch. He didn't mean to make that question sound so bad. But he just felt so angry and confused. "You were being forceful on me the night you broke your promise about drinking!"
"What?" Anthony stood up from the couch, too, meeting eye to eye with Ian. "I never did anything to you."
"Yes, you did!" Ian pointed his accusing finger at him. His heart started to race. "You fought me on the bed and you said you wanted me and I told you to stop but you wouldn't..." His voice became weak and trailed off. He could feel his eyes welling up again. "You weren't even you anymore and it scared me."
Anthony didn't know what to say. He was surprised at what he was hearing. He had no memory of this happening whatsoever. He moved closer to Ian. "Ian, I--"
But Ian backed away immediately. "You're just like Mitchell! Damn!" He pushed Anthony aside with his shoulder and stormed off to his room. "You just don't understand!" After that statement, a door slamming ended the discussion.
Ian slid down against his door and held his knees against his chest, the same way he fled away from Anthony that night. He buried his face into his knees.
"I don't even understand..."
A few hours have passed and Ian has only been either lying on his bed or doing his daily routine online by checking YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and their home website. Anthony knew when to keep his distance from Ian when he was sulking. And by doing that, he went to go buy Chinese food and do some errands.
Charlie was making a lot of distracting noises from his cage, keeping Ian from napping. He took his furry friend out of his prison and held him. He petted his soft body.
"What do I do, Charlie?" Ian asked the calm creature. "I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to do."
No answer. No sarcastic, hoarse, English accent voice to respond back with. Nothing. Ian gave Charlie a comforting squeeze and placed him back in his cage to continue with his exercise on the noisy wheel. He was about to lie back in bed when the house phone rang from the computer room.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Ian."
Anthony returned home and placed the two plastic bags of Chinese food on the dinner table. He went over to the fridge to get iced tea when he noticed a yellow post-it note on the fridge door. Don't forget to call Grandma on the phone.
Anthony was about to get his iPhone out but remembered the number was saved on the home phone. He picked up the phone and was about to dial the number when he heard Ian's voice over the receiver.
"You called me instead of your parents, Mitchell?" Ian said. Anthony suddenly got interested in the conversation. "This was your only free call, too..."
"But I need to talk to you." Mitchell said. He didn't have his confident voice that Anthony was always annoyed with. "I can always ask for another phone call to my parents. But right now, it's about me and you."
"Alright." Ian said. Anthony leaned against the wall to get comfortable for this conversation. He was not going to miss this. "Shoot."
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything." Mitchell began. "I'm sorry for hurting you and telling you things you didn't want to hear and sabotaging you. Everything."
Anthony was about tell him off, but slapped a hand over his mouth instantly.
"It's just that..." Mitchell continued. He paused for a moment. It sounded like he had a list of things to say, but didn't have the guts to do so. "You and I used to be so close. But then Anthony came along and suddenly you and I just drifted apart."
You're damn right I came along. Anthony thought.
"Wait a sec." Ian said. "Are... Are you jealous of me and Anthony?"
"Yeah. I mean, who isn't?" Mitchell quietly chuckled to himself. "Ever since middle school, no lie, I had some feelings for you."
Ian's eyes widened. So did Anthony's.
"You did?" Ian asked, astonished.
"I didn't want to say anything because I thought it would ruin our friendship." Mitchell explained. "I was trying my hardest to forget these feelings. But it was hard; seeing you and Anthony happy together in your videos for years. I couldn't stand it. I was the homo hater on your YouTube comments."
Anthony wanted to yell at Mitchell so bad for causing so much stress for Smosh. But he had to keep remembering he was eavesdropping on the conversation over the phone.
"So I finally got to meet you once again." Mitchell sighed. "I regret saying you should forget about Anthony. I regret taking advantage of you. I don't even deserve to talk to you anymore."
"Mitchell." Ian said. "I will be honest, everything that has happened, I can never really forget. I want to forget it. So much. But I can never forget our friendship we've had before Smosh started. You were the only one who understood me at the time."
As he listened to Ian's words, Anthony couldn't help but feel warm inside. Ian was always dumb and slow, but when it came to serious situations like these, he really took it to heart and he knew how to handle it. It was good to remind Anthony that Ian had that special trait every now and then.
"I admit, it'll take a long time to fully forgive you after everything, Mitchell." Ian continued. His heart raced the entire time during the conversation. "But it's really not too late to start over again. On the right path this time."
"This is why I liked you, Ian." Mitchell commented. "You're such a kind person. It's hard to find people like you nowadays."
"It's hard to find people as cool as me, too." Ian laughed.
Anthony covered up a sneeze. Ian was startled by the weird noise that came from the phone and outside his room. He held the phone to his ear and slowly tip-toed to his bedroom door. He peaked through the opening and noticed Anthony leaning against the hallway wall with the other house phone to his ear.
"As much as I hate to say it," Mitchell smirked. "I think you're in good hands for now."
"You think?" Ian inquired, holding back a laugh.
"Yup." Mitchell answered. "Anthony's a good kid. I know he'll be happy with you, when I'm not around."
Anthony smirked at that correct statement.
"I guess so." Ian smiled.
"Well, my time's up." Mitchell said. "I'll see you around."
"Same." Ian hung up the phone and shot open his door.
"Oh hi, Ian." Anthony jumped.
"You were listening this whole time?" Ian deviously smiled at his best friend.
"Well, I mean, you know." Anthony said embarrassed, trying to hide the home phone behind his back. "I was about to call my Grandma on this phone, but I heard your voice and Mitch's and..."
Ian just nodded.
Anthony shrugged. "Sorry for listening on your conversation."
Ian went back into the room, insinuating Anthony to follow him. He put the phone back on the desk and sat on his computer chair. "Well, at least now you know about our past. This is better than attempting to explain to you the whole thing."
Anthony sat on his chair and played with the other house phone that was still in his possession. "I'm never going to understand that guy like you do. But just as long as you're happy, no matter whoever's in your life, I'll be happy."
Ian smiled goofy making Anthony laugh. He was more than glad to see that face after for so long. "I'm sorry, too."
"Huh?"
"Sometimes, I just expect you to understand me, since I'm stuck with you 24/7." Ian gazed at the clear blue sky outside the window. So beautiful. "And if only I knew about Mitchell's situation earlier, I would have stopped him sooner from annoying the crap out of you."
"I don't care about him annoying me, Ian." Anthony stated. "I don't care how much irritation and stress he's caused me. I don't care about any of that. I care about him treating you like crap. If anyone messes with you, I will seriously kick their ass."
Ian's goofy smile turned into a warm one. His cheeks became red and his heart pounded loud. Ian never felt so much gratefulness from Anthony. From anyone.
"And about..." Ian coughed. "...Sleeping with you... I didn't mean to shut you down like that. It's just that--"
"I know, I know." Anthony smiled. "Like I said, it was only if you wanted to."
"But." Ian said hurriedly. He clenched his fists on his lap. His face became redder. "I don't mind."
"Huh?" Anthony raised an eyebrow. "Ian..."
"If you're still up for it..." Ian was too shy to look straight at Anthony's gorgeous brown eyes. "I will."
Anthony nodded and smiled. He didn't say anything because a hint of doubt was at the pit of his stomach.
For the rest of the day, Ian and Anthony filmed yet another episode of Mailtime w/ Smosh. Boxes and boxes of mail were piling up in their garage and they didn't make a slight dent in it. After that, Ian was relaxing on the couch with his laptop, waiting for Anthony to be done in the shower. He thought hard about the upcoming events for that night. He was still tentative about sleeping with Anthony. He never did it before, all the way that is, not even with a girl. He didn't know it was going to be like. He felt like he was over thinking about this. But he remembered how much he trusted Anthony, how safe he felt with him. He thought maybe Anthony could really help him forget everything that has happened. He forced himself to believe this was right. And sooner enough, it did.
"Hey, Ian." Anthony's voice brought Ian back from his daydream. He was already in his Boxman T-shirt and basketball shorts, definitely ready for bed. He shook his wet hair like a dog. "Shower's ready."
"Okay." Ian was about to get up from the couch when Anthony spoke again.
"Wait. I need to talk to you about something first." Anthony sat down on the couch. Ian sat back down again.
"Alrighty." Ian liked the sweet fresh clean smell coming from Anthony. It made his nose tickle.
"So, I had a lot on my mind after we talked about, you know." Anthony paused. "Sleeping together." No matter what, those two words always made the boys feel awkward. "And I was thinking maybe we shouldn't."
"Huh?" Ian inquired.
"I knew you were reluctant about it." Anthony explained. "And I knew it was definitely a bad time to ask you about it. But as cliche as it sounds, Mitch did dirty things to you and I wanted to be the one who cleaned up the mess."
Ian gave him a very confused look.
"Yeah, I know, it sounds really weird." Anthony chuckled. "I'm saying he tainted your body and I wanted to heal you by doing what he did. Do you get me?"
Ian smirked, but it clicked. "Yeah, I understand."
"But I thought about it." Anthony ran a hand through his wet hair. So attractive. "And I don't think it's too good of an idea."
"What do you mean?"
"I thought sleeping with you was the right thing to do." Anthony said. "But I had a gut feeling it's not. Because I truly don't want to hurt you anymore."
"But--"
"I know, you might have thought the same thing, that we should do this." Anthony sighed. "But honestly, who knows? What happens if I accidentally do something that'll make you hate me forever?"
"I can never hate you, Anthony." Ian said. "No matter how many times I say it."
"I know." Anthony said. "But the last thing I want in the whole freaking world is to lose you. And I know you're not ready for this. I'm not, contrary to belief."
Ian couldn't really believe what he was hearing. But in actuality, everything Anthony said was completely true. He wasn't ready. He didn't know what was going to happen. He was quite surprised at how hard Anthony thought about this. And thank goodness he did or else another stupid situation would have occurred.
"Maybe when we're completely certain." Anthony smiled and squeezed Ian's knee. "And who knows? Things change. But let's just hope not by too much."
"Okay." Ian smiled warmly.
It was around 2 in the morning and Ian couldn't fall asleep. His eyes were heavy but his mind was wide awake. He was even jealous of Charlie who could fall asleep instantly. It was silent throughout the entire house and it made Ian feel uncomfortable. It was the first night since he slept in a room by himself, since it was Anthony who was in the same room in the hotel in L.A. Ian also felt scared that something was going to grab him like in a scary movie, which was weird because he hasn't seen a horror film since Halloween. He got up from his bed and walked to his door. He looked into the pitch black hallway, mentally begging for Anthony to be awake. Ian heard a creak noise from the outside of their house and immediately ran down the hall to Anthony's room.
Ian opened his door quietly and dimmed lighting emitted from Anthony's computer screen. It wasn't much light but Ian was still able to make out Anthony's body and bed. He tip-toed to him and slightly shook his broad shoulder.
"Hey, Anthony." Ian whispered. No answer but steady breathing. "Anthony!" He whispered louder.
"Hmm..." Anthony murmured. He turned over and blinked at Ian's silhouetted body several times. "...Ian?"
"Who else?" Ian joked.
Anthony rubbed his eyes. "What's up?"
"I can't sleep." Ian responded like a little boy to his daddy. "I've been trying for a couple of hours now."
"Why can't you?" Anthony asked.
"I don't know." Ian responded. "I know we talked about this but can I sleep with you?"
Anthony's eyes widened, but not so much.
"Just for the night." Ian stated. "We won't do anything. I just want to stay with you."
Anthony definitely knew why Ian wasn't able to fall asleep when he heard that last sentence. He scooted over, his back against the wall, making room for Ian. Ian climbed on to the bed next to him and made his back face him so it wouldn't be awkward. Anthony covered both of them with the blanket. Ian suddenly felt warmer and more comfortable when Anthony wrapped his arms around Ian's waist and pulled him in to his chest. He felt safer and protected to be in the arms of his best friend. He finally realized that sleeping together didn't necessarily mean to have sex, but to cuddle with someone true, to feel their breath against their skin, to feel their heartbeat. Ian felt so content and he could tell Anthony was as well.
"Goodnight, Anthony." Ian whispered.
"Night, Ian." Ian could feel Anthony smiling on his skin. Ian grinned, closed his eyes, and finally drifted off to dreamland.
No matter how scary or how deep darkness was, Anthony was always going to be Ian's light.
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A/N: So what do you guys think? Did you like it? I hope you did! Well, it's over! Or is it..? ;D But anyway, thank you all so much once again! I honestly never thought so many people would read this. Seriously! And again, this would not have happened without our lovely Smosh boys! I, also this awesome community, really encourage you guys to write some neat stuff of Smosh of your own as well if you haven't yet! It's really fun! Will I be doing another story? Hell yeah! When? We'll see. ;D Love you all! <3
P.S. Just wanted to let you know I'm SO pumped for Food Battle 2011. This is actually my first food battle, too! (I discovered them almost a year ago this Sept. xD)