Men....
Well it has been almost 2 years since my last post and im sad to say that my love life isnt much better. Sure I have dated men here and there but it doesnt last. I end up breaking up with them because they annoy me or whatever. Part of me still loves Jimmy and wish he would come back to me but I'm pretty sure that will never happen. I am FINALLY in nursing school and that is going awesome! My job has upgraded me from being a CNA to a Med tech and I'm making way more money but it never seems good enough when you dont have a special someone to share that with. I have my awesome friends and family who are with me all the way but I need that love and support from another person... another person who can't get enough of me and loves me unconditionally. I dont want to have to worry about them cheating on me or leaving me for someone better... i had that with jimmy but it was taking away from me. The Jimmy I dated and fell in love with is gone.. He is dead to me. in his place is a Jimmy that I barely recognize.. A jimmy that lies to me and gives me false hope only to run to other women who are 10 times worse than i am. I dont want him back, but I want someone to take his place and fill that void I have. Most of the time I am completely happy with my life but i have days where it just hits me and i realize that almost everyone around me has someone. Parts of me are starting to think that it may never happen for me.. I know im only 21 but, lets face it, if i met someone tomorrow and we dated for a year before getting engaged, then a year before the wedding and then at least a year before children, that puts me at 24 years old... I want to be a mother and have a beautiful family and home but i cant wait forever. I need someone to hold me when I've had a rough day... someone to listen to me bitch about my problems. WHO KNOWS!!
I have been hanging out with a guy, Kyle, who is pretty cool. he is 245lbs of pure muscle, easy on the eyes and very sweet. We knew eachother a while back and are now getting to re-know eachother. We hung out at the bar the other night and ended up going back to his place for an after bar ; ) he gave me his number and we have been talking ever since, but its really hard for me to get a good read on him, I cant tell if he wants to date me or not. Most of the time guys just fall head over heels for me and do what i want when i want, but he isnt like that and it frustrates me!! i dont want to waste my time getting to know him if, in a month or so, he will say that we should just be friends. Then i will just know what im missing out on....like always. He came over tonight to bring back some things i left at his place and we ended up talking for a few hours which was really nice. He didn't kiss me goodbye but gave me a hug... maybe he doesn't want to rush things but its almost a little late for that haha. I just wish that he would tell me that he wants to date me or just be friends or im going to go nuts!! I like that feeling of getting to know someone and the newness of it all but not knowing is hard. I always get my hopes up and then they get let down. It would just be easier if i could catch a glimps of my future and see who im meant to be with so i can start looking for that person and cut out all the bullshit. I know life isnt easy but its sure easy for my friends to find decent men! haha. I dont want to have to be the persuer in the relationship... I want a guy to want me enough to persue me!! kyle doesnt do that. he is always the first to text me, but doesnt make plans to hang out or anything (but its also only been like 3 days since our bar night together).. We are both kinda sick so we might just hang out and watch a movie tomorrow so I guess we'll see!!
I have been hanging out with a guy, Kyle, who is pretty cool. he is 245lbs of pure muscle, easy on the eyes and very sweet. We knew eachother a while back and are now getting to re-know eachother. We hung out at the bar the other night and ended up going back to his place for an after bar ; ) he gave me his number and we have been talking ever since, but its really hard for me to get a good read on him, I cant tell if he wants to date me or not. Most of the time guys just fall head over heels for me and do what i want when i want, but he isnt like that and it frustrates me!! i dont want to waste my time getting to know him if, in a month or so, he will say that we should just be friends. Then i will just know what im missing out on....like always. He came over tonight to bring back some things i left at his place and we ended up talking for a few hours which was really nice. He didn't kiss me goodbye but gave me a hug... maybe he doesn't want to rush things but its almost a little late for that haha. I just wish that he would tell me that he wants to date me or just be friends or im going to go nuts!! I like that feeling of getting to know someone and the newness of it all but not knowing is hard. I always get my hopes up and then they get let down. It would just be easier if i could catch a glimps of my future and see who im meant to be with so i can start looking for that person and cut out all the bullshit. I know life isnt easy but its sure easy for my friends to find decent men! haha. I dont want to have to be the persuer in the relationship... I want a guy to want me enough to persue me!! kyle doesnt do that. he is always the first to text me, but doesnt make plans to hang out or anything (but its also only been like 3 days since our bar night together).. We are both kinda sick so we might just hang out and watch a movie tomorrow so I guess we'll see!!