Welp... It WAS a good day

[ashley13]

Oy! This morning I was 3 hours late for work cuz I thought my friend Cortnee was going to be doing my morning and I was gonna have her morning tomorrow. So instead of coming at 7 I came at 10 just to make sure she was going to be in, but she wasn't. I ended up just staying like 3 hours extra so I could help her with shoes and get the hours back. Luckily none of the managers said anything to me. So um... That wasn't good but me and Cortnee had fun when she came in, we tend to slack off sometimes but it's fun! I talked to MAXimilian, or however it's spelled. I guess he likes me or something. I ended up giving him my number. I told my friend Charlie. The thing about this is that Charlie REALLY likes me. He basically gave up everything and changed his whole life to be closer to me. We've become really good friends, but I just don't think I feel the same way has he does. He always gets really moody and depressed if I like any other guys. When I went on my first date, with this kid named Dave that works wiht my bro's friend Trey (blind date) he like freaked out and drank and smoked cigarettes (even though he was suppossed to be quitting) cuz he was stressed out so much. I don't know what to do. I told him cuz I guess he had a feeling something was up. He was like "You said you'd give me a chance and didn't" I went on a date with him but I didn't feel comfortable holding hands or anything. I meen I told him not to expect anyhthing different but he told me it's not a chance just going on one date and if that's all I was going to to it would piss him off, like i was teasing him or something. He's my best friend and I wish he didn't feel that way about me. I care a lot about him but this whole thing keeps coming up. He wants more and I'm kinda scared about dating, especially with him. I don't want to hurt him... I don't know what to do cuz he is barely talking to me now. He was like " You probably only told me cuz I said I'd be pissed if you kept stuff about this kid from me!". I was going to tell him just not then, like later that night. He's liek "What when I'm about to go to sleep, you can't do that!" I don't know. he said he wouldn't be mad, but obviously he lied. I hate hurting him. He always says it seems like I don't care how he feels or what he wants but I do, it's just something about him scares me to go out with him. Intimidating almost I guess. He's my best friend so you think it would be easier, but for some reason it seems harder. I don't know what to do! I wish my live wasn't so stressful. Everyday there is another fight with my brothers, my mom and her bf, charlie. I get along awesome with my bros' unless it involves Charlie cuz he was good friends with them until he decided to kind of... stop hanging out with them and see much of his family cuz of his feelings for me! I think he could of made it work being friends with me and them, but he says he was "following his heart". He gave me a ride over here, barely takling to me. When we talked about it at all he was like "I don't want to talk about it!... I"m driving..." Something about crashing into some building, either I dont' want to crash or maybe I want to. I don't know. I hate him being mad at me cuz he means a lot to me! I wish he'd accept how I feel too. he wants more but I love being friends! He's like family, which could be a big reason why it's so weird some times thinking about a relationship with him. I just want it to be ok. I don't want to fight with my bros anymore. I don't want anymore fights. I wish it was the way it used to be before this whole situation happend! My bro Jeremy is "feeling more negativeity against me than he ever did before". He used to "look up to me" he told me. I want things to be good again. He's at my gramas cuz he can't stand seeing Charlie. I don't know. I want to be happy too ya know? I feel misserable again. I'm sick of being stressed.

I have work in the morning. Maybe I'll eat something. My tummy kind of hurts! Esp earlier after my sandwich. It had spicy peppers and the soda might of upset it. It did last time I got those peppers. maybe I have an Ulcer???... I eat WAY too much spicey stuff. MmmmMMm Spice in EVERYTHING! Cya,

Ash.