I new found power!
So yesterday I had to face my little problem head on and it sucked but not quite as bad as I thought. I still have some denial to clean up but that broom is slowly sweeping through the thoughts in my head and it is almost clear. I do not know, I guess it just took hanging out with a good friend and the 50 cent movie to put some fire back into me. I do not know if it is exactly the best kind of fire to have but it feels a hell of a lot better than feeling pathetic and not in control. I do not know where this is going to take me. I do not know if by the end of the day I am going to revert back to feeling defeated or if this is a lasting feeling that will take me through this. I realized that people who are not used to dealing with their own feeling do not know how to deal with others; so how can you get mad at them when they can not do for you what you'd do for them. I have a lot of respect for 50 cent after that movie. For going through most of that shit and still make it through! That is someone I can have respect for. On top of that he never let go of his dream. It is a lot easier to let go of something inside yourself than to fight for it. At first that movie made me want to deal with my situation with violence but by the end of the movie it was brought to my attention that that would not be in my best interest. Now, someone not feeling the way I have felt for the past week or not knowing what situation in particular I am talking about, may not understand how this might not have easily seemed like the senseable (I do not know if I spelled that right) thing to do in the first place. For those of you, remember, denial along with feelings of hurt, fear, worthlessness and despair are thought cloggers. They take the place of all logic. Anyway, I realize something last night! The funny thing is I can not explain or maybe I just do not want to explain what that is , but all I know is that I feel different. Last time I went through something traumatic it took me forever to get over it. This time it seems like it is not going totake as long.