bad weekend!

[ashle292]

Ok so Friday wasn't toooo bad. I had class, didn't do horribly on my quiz, drove home, went out to dinner with my mom and then went to bed. THEN, saturday rolled around and I already knew it was gonna pretty much suck... but whatever. Got up early so I could get new tires on my car which was AWESOME!!! My car drives great now! Then I got my nails done which is always nice..... then I got a phone call while I was still getting that done from him.... he had this attitude too... and I don't even know why! He asked me when I was coming over and I said well I don't know I'm almost finished and then I'll be on my way. I asked him if he was going to be there or if he had somewhere to be and he said Yeah I have plans, so that of course made me mad and I said , fine don't be there I don't care! Well then I was upset and almost to the point where I would have been crying had I not been watching this crazy tv show called Love Connection from the 80s. So then she finishes and I pay her and I'm on my way to his house and every flippin song that comes on the radio is a love song, but especailly about missing you and loving you and ugh!!! Kenny Rogers, I can't unlove you, Faith and Tim, Mariah Carey, Don't forget about us, Keith Urban.... one after another, on different stations too!!! That was slightly frustrating..... Anyways, I'm making my way through the town and I pull in the driveway as I had so many times before. Get the box of stuff out of my backseat and go up to the door, no one answers... So I go inside the garage and knock on that door. His mom answers and I'm just standing there thinking, what do I do? Am I even welcome to come it? She invites me in and then tells him I'm there.... So then he comes up and goes to get my stuff....of course he didn't have it all together in a pile like he told me, well he told me it was all together. I probably wasn't there but ten minutes, if that. I gave him back the one ring he gave me that was his grandpas and then i tried to give him back the ring he bought me.... But he wouldn't take it. So I sat it on the stove... then i put it on the counter and he put it back in my pocket.. so I put it back on the counter and told him I can't keep it and by this time I'm shaking and almost crying so I walk out the door with my stuff and get my shoes. I should have walked outside without putting my shoes on but I didn't and then he followed me into the garage and dropped it in my purse!!! Oh and while I was standing in the kitchen his g/f decided to take a trip to the bathroom.... she's cute but she looks young. Guys tend to go for the younger ones! but whatever!!!! So he went back inside and I was kind of crushed because I don't think I'll ever see him again, and He OBVIOUSLY doesn't understand that. So I went to my car and drove away as quickly as I could.... ;( I'm really sad! And of course since I still have the ring, I'm wearing it! That's stupid I know... I guess I have to give up one thing at a time.... first I gave him up as my b/f... then as my friend.... then stuff he gave me.... lastly I'll have to give up this ring.. but it's more than just a ring to me. It represents our life we had planned on having together.... wedding, kids, family, life...our life, that for now is just a memory. And this ring, well, I guess when I can part with it, I can part with that hope of having him be the man I want him to be and know he can be... then man of my dreams. ;(;( This really sucks!

Then of course my mom tells me I just have to let go of him and HA! that's much easier said than done! Just like I told him, I don't know how to get my heart back from him. And until I do, he has it and I can't give it to anyone else! I can't love someone else when I'm still in love with him.... it just doesn't work that way! Not for me!

Ok I need to stop this and study!!! Good night!