(no subject)
Like an old photograph
Time can make a feeling fade
But the memory of a first love
Never fades away
oo.. memories... i honestly miss when we were better friends.. i hate disliking you, i hate it!! but you take this friendship for granted and after everything you put me through some would say you dont even deserve it... but i cared that much.. i love you that much (as a friend) to not sacrafice it... you dont even get it, when you do and say certain things it breaks my heart, and when you dont do certain things it hurts even more.. you make false promises that you cant keep, you say things will get better but they never do.. sure we stay friends, but what kinda friends are we... ? we hang once every month or so... thats what makes me think its fake.. i dont want to lose you, you are seriously the LAST person in the world im willing to lose right now because no matter how bad things got with us, when i seriously needed you the most you were there... i just wish that things could be better... but its foolish to talk about this, things have never changed with you, and they never will... i guess i gutta deal with it as is... even tho we have this talk whenever i see you, i doubt that youll know this is about you... you just dont care enough... ...
well ive basically come to terms with the fact that friends suck, and friends die, friends blow you off, friends lie.. friends arent even friends at all... not even in the littlest bit... only a few have remained there and not completely forgotten ive existed cuz they have a fucking boyfriend... i swear you date for all of 2 weeks b4 you start inviting him everywhere with us, and hanging with him instead of me.,. like ive known you since i was 12, youre my best friend,, fucking be there.. or what about the AWESOME friends that come back around after a 2 year hiatus and think everythings gunna be the same... like him, we were best of friends when i was sophomore... summer came and we spent almost everyday together, junior year started and he was gone from my life, i started seeing him again in september of this year and once again hes already gone.. what about the friends i have from when i was 5 she only calls me to see if i wanna get high and because its the only time i know ill see her i say yes.. or what about the friends i went to elementary school with, we always swore wed be there for each other and we dont even talk anymore, just a friendly hey in the halls... it sucks... sometimes i feel like this best friend ive had for a few months just uses me for my car.. but w/e.. and then theres the guys who swear that theyre your friends and theyll be there no matter what, but in reality they just want to try to have sex with you... friends dont do that.. friends are actually there on the circumstances when its not just him and you watching movies.. friends want to hang out in public.. you cant be friends...
then theres the few solids... theres Katrina, sure weve had our ups and downs but all and all shes still there for me when i need her, and i love her .. she was my first friend in highschool. like the first person i ever really hung out with.. i honestly dont think shes going anywhere, sure we all have other friends but we still make enough time for each other.. and thats what i really appreciate... <3 thanks Kat.. i love you :)---- theres Jamie, shes always there when i need her even tho we dont see each other as much as we used to there are always times when were together.. and those times are fun .. weve both gone through the same shit in the heart department and we know how each other feels... and i love her a lot for being there and i dont think well ever stop being friends but if we do ill be heartbroken.. <3--- then theres Lorna, yea we took some time apart for awhile while we both made new friends.. and i consider her a sister to me and her boyfriend a brother to me, i was one of her first friends when she moved here.. and im never gunna walk away from her.. i loveher a lot..her family is like a 2nd one of mine.. sure we do some stupid things when were together, but hey what are best friends for.. :). a little trouble never hurt anyone... love you Min Chow :)
now there are a few pple i never mentioned .. its not that i dont think of you as my best friends anymore, but youre never there... if i didnt mention you in the above paragraph and you think youre one of my best friends, read the paragraph above that and find which one of those is your flaws.. because chances are, one of those people is you, and you should SERIOUSLY rethink whatever the stupid thing is that you do...
ive been rethinking a lot of friendships lately.. and just because i didnt mention you in the good paragraph doesnt mean im gunna stop being your friend, it either means youve fucked up lately, or i seriously just forgot about you.... so dont go on a pissed rampage..
idk.. times have been hard lately.. ive been a depressed case for years now.. and im finalyl fuckign sick of it.. im not doing it anymroe.. sure there are a few things i cant get rid of like my mood swings, or temper tantrums,, but im finally sick of fucking hurting myself and wanting to die... sure its gunna happen again at some point.. but not this bad, i dont need it every day like i do now..
thats it...