All the little things
You know, Erik seems to wonder why I am so crazy about him. He can't understand or see the things that I see. I spend a lot of time asking myself the same question, but I always come up with a multitude of answers. (kc, this is going to be a girly entry to the extreme, so run while you can.)
One answer I have come up with is the sense of being at peace. When I am with him, talking to him, looking at him - whatever - I feel like nothing in my world could go wrong because he is there. Of course I know that this is a completely romantic and unrealistic concept, but I feel that way just the same. I feel like I'm breathing for the first time.
Another answer has to do with all the affection and not having to fight for it. I was talking to a friend today who was once friends with Chris, and we were discussing how amazing non-abusive relationships are. We agreed that after being treated like shit, it's so hard to accept love, and people don't understand that. Just like Erik always says, "I'm just being me." That may be so, but it doesn't change that fact that he amazes me with his kindness. Just like today, he called only to tell me that he loved me. That's it - nothing else. It floored me and left me stunned after the 30 second conversation. It made my day.
One last tangent and I'll let this go. It all has to do with a song: "The suckers lose themselves in the games they love to play. Children love to sing, but then their voices slowly fade away. People always take a step away from what is true and that's why I like you around." Something about the concept of keeping things on a real level grabs me to the core. I mean, sure we sometimes share dreams or thoughts or possibilities for the future that seem out of reach, but in all reality everything we talk about could occur. Not only that, but we spend a lot of time getting "down and dirty" as he likes to say, with the facts of our predicament and what we plan to do about absolutely everything. He keeps me grounded. He reminds me that I'm human. He keeps me focused on what is real opposed to all the worries I have about what could be. He also keeps me sane when the rest of my family is losing their minds and making exaggerations that don't need to be made.
I'm so incredibly blessed that he's come into my life. I don't know how I would have gotten through this summer without him and his love. Sorry about the constant subject, but it seems to be consuming my thoughts. I guess that missing a person so badly will do that to you.
One answer I have come up with is the sense of being at peace. When I am with him, talking to him, looking at him - whatever - I feel like nothing in my world could go wrong because he is there. Of course I know that this is a completely romantic and unrealistic concept, but I feel that way just the same. I feel like I'm breathing for the first time.
Another answer has to do with all the affection and not having to fight for it. I was talking to a friend today who was once friends with Chris, and we were discussing how amazing non-abusive relationships are. We agreed that after being treated like shit, it's so hard to accept love, and people don't understand that. Just like Erik always says, "I'm just being me." That may be so, but it doesn't change that fact that he amazes me with his kindness. Just like today, he called only to tell me that he loved me. That's it - nothing else. It floored me and left me stunned after the 30 second conversation. It made my day.
One last tangent and I'll let this go. It all has to do with a song: "The suckers lose themselves in the games they love to play. Children love to sing, but then their voices slowly fade away. People always take a step away from what is true and that's why I like you around." Something about the concept of keeping things on a real level grabs me to the core. I mean, sure we sometimes share dreams or thoughts or possibilities for the future that seem out of reach, but in all reality everything we talk about could occur. Not only that, but we spend a lot of time getting "down and dirty" as he likes to say, with the facts of our predicament and what we plan to do about absolutely everything. He keeps me grounded. He reminds me that I'm human. He keeps me focused on what is real opposed to all the worries I have about what could be. He also keeps me sane when the rest of my family is losing their minds and making exaggerations that don't need to be made.
I'm so incredibly blessed that he's come into my life. I don't know how I would have gotten through this summer without him and his love. Sorry about the constant subject, but it seems to be consuming my thoughts. I guess that missing a person so badly will do that to you.