I don't know
It's 8:40 in the morning. I have to be to work by 10. I hope Jared gets on. I promised him I'd try not to cry last night, but I did.
You, see, what happened was, my parents went away for the weekend with my little sister, and my brother and I stayed home alone. I was outside when they got home yesterday afternoon, so I ran up to my mom and I was like "Mom! I missed you!!" and I gave her a hug and she goes "Get off me." and pushed me away. I was so hurt. I honestly thought that things with my mom and I were getting better. We were fighting much at all, and we were actually doing stuff together some, and talking more. And then she did that. I almost cried right then and there, but I've trying to be stronger (emotionally) and not just cry everytime something bothers me.
Right before I went to bed last night though, I started thinking about how much I miss Dezy already, and how much I miss her hugs, and I got thinking about Mom, and I could barely keep myself from crying. I told Jared and he gave me a hug (the best he could over the computer. :-P) and I guess it made me feel better.
I know this might sound really clingy and overly emotional, but I thrive on affection. Sometimes I have to hear that I'm loved and appreciated a lot, or I start to think that I'm not. When Dezy's around, she tells me. And even though it's just a best friend/sisterly affection, it still makes me feel special. At home, I never get that. Ever. They hardly even ever say good night anymore. Occasionally I'll throw an "I love you" in at the end of a phone conversation, but I can not remember the last time they actually said it back. ...And now I'm crying again...
It's gonna be a long summer.
I hate all this damn drama. Why can't I just not let things bother me at all? And just be like, completely emotionless? Things would be so much easier that way...
Though I supposed there are some emotions worth having.
Love is evil.
Funny how it can make you feel so good, and at the very same time (in a different situation) make you feel SO BAD.