(no subject)
Dear constant cloud that doesn't know how to fuck off,
I'd really appreciate it if you could alleviate your hold over me. even if only for 5 minutes. it's only been two days, but you're suffocating me. everytime i smile or laugh, you're there and make me question if it's ok to be smiling. just "peace out" for a little while, give me a chance to breathe, and then you can come back and visit every once in a while as natural and expected.
Thanks.
I'm so grateful for my friends. They put up with me throughout middle school, in my "i annoy everyone within 10 ft of my perimeter and color coordinate my eyeshadow to my clothes and have really fucked up eyebrows" stage, which i'm not sure I have entirely grown out of. and they are here for me now and always have been. i love them all. i'm demanding a road trip this summer. california obviously, although mexico would be fun. we'll all contribute gas money, so don't use that for an excuse! i really think the trip should be regarded as a necessity.
in the end, it's a good thing. it was inevitable. i hate the fact that such constants in life, such as distance, have the power to tear people apart. I hate that I can't control it and then it was predestined to control me. it's only natural, however, and cannot be avoided, so it's a good life experience.
i love you. i cannot tell you any other way, because it would be deemed inappropraite and backward, but i'm still very much so in love with you. i almost wish i wasn't, so it would be easier. but that's not life, and that's not truthful, so yes, i love you, and will continue to until it runs itself out. you most likely won't see this, so it doesn't make much difference anyway. wish i could tell you to your face.