(no subject)
So I really haven't written in awhile... mainly because I really haven't had anything interesting to write about. And basically I still don't have anything very amusing. But I just realized something about myself. Actually I think in a way my brain is working like Jill's right now- analyzing and thinking and rethinking and analyzing a little more (i <3 you jillie!) Anyway, heres my thoughts for the moment:
For some reason I almost always look for the best in people and hold that to be true. I honestly have a hard time looking at somebody and beleiving anything negative about them. Actually its mostly about trust... I always put so much trust into people- even when its people that I have no reason to trust or people that don't deserve my trust at all. I always just make myself think that I have no reason not to trust them, and then I feel like I just have to believe them. Then they will go do some asshole thing to prove that I should have never trusted them in the first place, and what do I do? I start making excuses for them, forgive, forget, and move on. I never actually recognize that they might possibly have some messed up qualities about them- I just make excuses. I realized that I think thats just how my mind works. Maybe its just my way of protecting myself from getting hurt again... because there was no person more capable of breaking my heart and completely destroying my ability to honestly have trust in people than you. ..... I guess that if not facing reality is what I have to do in order to keep going strong and not getting hurt, then so be it. Because I wouldn't change anything in order to feel that pain again and I can't see any way in which reality has the advantage over fantasy. Call me crazy, but I think I'm just gonna keep living in my own little fantasy world.
Now that I've bored you to death, I'm gonna go bore myself to death and do some homework ... <3
still a little bit of your taste in my mouth, still a little bit of you laced with my doubt, still a little hard to say whats going on. still a little bit of your ghost your witness, still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed, you step a little closer each day, still I can't say whats going on. STONES TAUGHT ME TO FLY, LOVE TAUGHT ME TO LIE, LIFE TAUGHT ME TO DIE, SO ITS NOT HARD TO FALL WHEN YOU FLOAT LIKE A CANNONBALL. still a little bit of your song in my ear, still a little bit of your words i long to hear, you step a little closer to me, so close that i cant see whats going on. STONES TAUGHT ME TO FLY, LOVE TAUGHT ME TO CRY, SO COME ON COURAGE- TEACH ME TO BE SHY, CAUSE ITS NOT HARD TO FALL, AND I DONT WANNA SCARE HER, ITS NOT HARD TO FALL, AND I DONT WANNA LOSE, ITS NOT HARD TO GROW WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU JUST DONT KNOW.