As I was reading an order back to a woman today at work, I concluded a moderately long list with "a bagel with shmear". This struck me as particually poetic, while not out of the ordinary. I puzzled as to why for a bit, and then it dawned on me that it was in iambic pentameter. Half a line, but still. Then I realized that there wasn't a single ( Read more... )

"Wait, you know that Neil Diamond did not write Beowolf, right ( Read more... )

Dedication for this freaking art project had me up and using a utility kniife while completely out of my mind on narcotics. The glue's drying, but again I think I'm at yet another standstill. It's due tonight or I'm screwed. Needless to say, it's feces ( Read more... )

I need both my wisdom teeth and my tonsils out in the immediate future. These are two seperate surgeries, but still, this is crude. This holiday season will be one of pain and suffering ( Read more... )

Bagged milk is a wily thing. It once reminded me of a water balloon yet was too durable to burst on my victim two stories below. The whole situation was messy and I had to mop the porch because of it ( Read more... )

Remember how Albert Einstein and Bill Gates and people got terrible grades in school but were really geniuses? I'm going to be like that... except I'm going to get super grades this semester ( Read more... )

Midterms are imminent and all is surly in the world. Study tip: wear boxers in lieu of pants and you will be less likely to leave your house a) because it is very cold and b) because it is kind of indecent and therefore you will be more likely to spend your time at home, studying. It works, you know. I also have an instrumental (Boards of Canada ( Read more... )

"Is this Christian music?"
"Yes."
"Good. That almost makes up for how illegal what we're doing is."

I'm exhausted. I wish I was at art school. ( Maybe if I spew a tirade I'll feel better )