Enjoyable so far, and I want to know what happens next!
Agree that you need a proof-reader, but there might be some stuff (punctuation) that you can do yourself. For instance, have you tried reading it aloud to yourself? I find that useful to see where some punctuation might be missing. For instance, me reading your line "Just a second we are checking" out loud, transforms it into either: 1) "Just a second. We are checking." 2) "Just a second, we're checking."
The downside is that you have to lock the story away in a drawer for a couple of weeks before you do this. Otherwise most of what you're reading will still be in your head, not on the actual page!
Also - to make it easier on the reader - could you perhaps put some symbols to indicate scene breaks in? A row of ### or ~~~ or *** or something like that.
And finally, I haven't read The Rowan since it was originally published, so I've no idea if having children on mining ships is normal or not. And if it is normal, why that it happens. It would be nice to have a sentence or two of explanation.
Okay, I'll use something more noticeable. Then "...." I know that a lot of explaining is going to have to happen as logically Lessa and everybody else on Pern is going to have a lot of questions. The deep space asteroid mining was not mentioned in The Rowen books ( could be something gleamed from the ship books but the point of this story is to tie together two or more of her worlds) but I had to have a reason for her to travel threw the area and a mining ship that spends decades far from the main lines would have to be generational - she will also explain what happened to the ship /colony she was born on. I will also explain that she has never experienced more then- .6 or - .7 gravity and most likely is used to about _ .5 G's. space stations and ships would keep low gravity for a lot of reasons - mainly because it is harder and takes more energy to have earth normal gravity.
I also have plans to have F'lessan to find her thou as you can expect she is not in good shape at this point in the story - right side all broken up.
Agree that you need a proof-reader, but there might be some stuff (punctuation) that you can do yourself. For instance, have you tried reading it aloud to yourself? I find that useful to see where some punctuation might be missing. For instance, me reading your line "Just a second we are checking" out loud, transforms it into either:
1) "Just a second. We are checking."
2) "Just a second, we're checking."
The downside is that you have to lock the story away in a drawer for a couple of weeks before you do this. Otherwise most of what you're reading will still be in your head, not on the actual page!
Also - to make it easier on the reader - could you perhaps put some symbols to indicate scene breaks in? A row of ### or ~~~ or *** or something like that.
And finally, I haven't read The Rowan since it was originally published, so I've no idea if having children on mining ships is normal or not. And if it is normal, why that it happens. It would be nice to have a sentence or two of explanation.
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I know that a lot of explaining is going to have to happen as logically Lessa and everybody else on Pern is going to have a lot of questions. The deep space asteroid mining was not mentioned in The Rowen books ( could be something gleamed from the ship books but the point of this story is to tie together two or more of her worlds) but I had to have a reason for her to travel threw the area and a mining ship that spends decades far from the main lines would have to be generational - she will also explain what happened to the ship /colony she was born on.
I will also explain that she has never experienced more then- .6 or - .7 gravity and most likely is used to about _ .5 G's.
space stations and ships would keep low gravity for a lot of reasons - mainly because it is harder and takes more energy to have earth normal gravity.
I also have plans to have F'lessan to find her thou as you can expect she is not in good shape at this point in the story - right side all broken up.
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