Overheard Lately: The End of 2014 Roundup
Fyre: [watching Captain America 2] I want Sam and Maria to hook up, because then you could call it "What in the Sam Hill?"
Ash: [reading a maternity newsletter] "It's possible your baby can see now"...see what? It's dark in there. "Will you photograph your birth?" Dear holy God, no! Next question! "Dilemna: what can you do if strangers want to touch your bump?" Punch them in the nose!
Fyre: How to tell someone is a superspy: they get a USB in its port *the very first time*.
Ash, Chris, and Ru: [pretty much unanimously] ...that's a really good definition.
Chris: [attempts to break open a chocolate orange on his knee; winces in agony]
Ash: I shouldn't laugh at your pain, but your pain is funny.
Ash: We'll never get Robin to calm down. On the other hand, she'll probably sleep like a rock. ...how do rocks sleep?
Chris: The question isn't how they sleep. The question is, what would happen if they woke up?
Ash: Welp, there's half a book in my head now.
Ash: And so sayeth the penguin.
Fyre: Context. Who needs it?
Robin: [runs into the kitchen squeaking]
Chris: Aww, are they being mean to you?
Fyre: She's trying to beat me to death with a foam ball!
Chris: Oh? In that case, get back to it!
Fyre: ...happy new year?
Chris: Ahh, butternut squash, my old nemesis...we meet again.
Ash: If your lifelong nemesis is butternut squash, you really don't have much to worry about.
Chris: Butternut squash is not a trivial thing!
Ash: The Doctor Who special is called Last Christmas? Does he enter the Wham video and fix the relationship?
Chris: Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but it's okay because I have one left!
Ash: Can I share a minor complaint that few people but you would actually sympathize with?
Chris: That's the whole point of marriage!
Ash: I bought the new Neil Gaiman book.
Chris: What's it called again?
Ash: The Ocean at the End of the Lane.
Chris: What?? ...oh, I thought you said "Oh Shit, the End of the Line!"
Chris: [reads Caps For Sale to Robin]
Chris: His son was smarter and instead of trying to sell caps, set up a business to rent them out for a penny a day. He changed his name to match the business: Capulet.
Ash: That one was beautiful.
Ash: The one in Cameron Toll isn't a Royal Bank of Scotland?
Chris: No, it's just a plebian Bank of Scotland.
Ash: Behold, the sky itself doth smile upon this donut!
Ash: I like these socks. I don't want to give up on them just because this one has a hole.
Chris: Darn it.
Ash: I hate you.
Chris: Sew what?
Ash: Arrrrrgh! Stop needling me!!
Chris: I think I've lost the thread of this conversation.
Ash: No, Chris. There will be no bat and ball games inside the house, not even with a squid.
Ash: Is it terrible that I'm teaching Robin colors using the buttons on an Xbox controller?
Chris: If you made a Philip K. Dick cake, would it be Icing the Body Electric?
[after the internet tells us we had the wrong author]
Chris: Awww. A Ray Bradbury cake just isn't as funny, somehow.
Ash: A Walt Whitman cake would be pretty cool, though.
Ash: [to Robin] Not the glasses, love, we've had this conversation.
Chris: A conversation requires that both parties understand what's being said.
Ash: Allow me the illusion that I have some control here.
Chris: No. No, that's a dangerous illusion.
Ash: There there.
Chris: Thanks.
Ash: Would you like me to be more condescending?
Chris: No, that was sufficient.
Robin: [not wanting her diaper changed]
Ash: You cannot escape your fate. It is your destiny to have a drier butt than you currently possess.
[Background: When I was two, my family was in a restaurant and I dropped a plate of spaghetti all over the floor. I've never been allowed to live this down. Today...]
Robin: [dropping spaghetti everywhere, mostly on herself and me]
Ash: Please stop putting pasta in my cleavage, kid.
Mom: This is intensely karmically satisfying.
Chris: If someone designed a scale just for young children, would be a scale of one to ten?
Ash: The tests finally came back, and astonishingly the bug that sent me back to the hospital was NOT Mothra. Mothra is dead after all; this was its evil cousin Moraxella out for revenge. Personally I think moraxella sounds like an evil pizza topping.
Ash: Kid, you've got to eat more than just cheese for dinner.
Chris: She had two pieces of pasta.
Ash: How does that mitigate the problem?
Chris: In a purely mathematical sense. She *has* had more than just cheese. Technically.
Ash: She's eating shredded cheese with a nutmeg grinder.
Ash: Saw Robin today, after three days apart, the first we've ever been separated overnight. Her reaction? "What's that? Oh, it's just Mom. Back to this really important truck thing I'm playing with."
Ash: The only thing more astonishing than the fact that I cooked dinner is the fact that Robin is eating it with almost no protest.
Ash: Is there time for tea before we need to go?
Chris: If there's not time for tea, the terrorists have won.
Ash: What if the terrorists drink tea?
Chris: Then they aren't terrorists.
[Dragon Age: Inquisition quotes (no spoilers, for those concerned)]
Chris: Hmm, there's a bear following me...
[mucks about in a cave, which contains a very silly map]
Chris: Aaaaah, bear!!!
Ash: Why is this a surprise? You just said one was following you.
Chris: I didn't think it'd follow me all the way into the cave!
Ash: Maybe it lives there.
Chris: I doubt it.
Ash: Why, because you don't think it could have drawn that map?
Chris: That's one reason, yes.
Ash: The bear is pissed that you're maligning its artistic abilities.
Chris: What can I say. I'm a harsh critic. [sets bear on fire] Ash: No kidding!
Chris: Where'd that bear come from?
Ash: It's a bear. It's in the woods. What it was doing should be obvious.
Ash: Orlais is very, very French.
Chris: Mais oui.
Ash: I refuse to admit that you speaking French is sexy.
Chris: Quelle dommage.
Ash: You're just milking it now.
Chris: It would be more appropriate to say that I'm 'lait'ing it on thick...
[DAI character]: Convince them that you are not a demon to be feared!
Chris: I'm seven feet tall with horns. That's going to be difficult.
Ash: [about Chris' Qunari character, who is Tall] Chris, everyone's face is at your breasts!
Chris: [happily] I know!
Ash: I already have a lot of headcanon for this character.
Chris: ...oh, headcanon with one N! I though you meant head *cannon* and it was the strangest helmet enhancement ever.
Chris: It's just occurred to me that Josephine is carrying a clipboard with a candle attached. It's a primative Kindle!
Chris: Damn it, stop killing my people!
Ash: I think you misunderstand the concept of "video game opponents".
Chris: "The Desolate Bank."
Ash: Yes, that's not depressing at all.
Chris: Maybe it means desolate as in alone. Bank? A loan?
Ash: ...that one physically hurt me.
Chris: Excellent. You know my criterion for a good pun.
Chris: Why are there demons around here?
Ash: It's Dragon Age. There are demons around everywhere.
Ash: Where did all these giants come from?
Chris: Other giants.
Ash: All right, now we're even.
Ash: [examines a monster] It's called a Gurn, apparently.
Chris: And it's vulnerable to fire. Which means happiness is a warm Gurn.
Ash: ...you thought of that ages ago and have just been waiting for a setup, haven't you?
Chris: I've been sitting on it for TWO WEEKS. It was worth it. It was so worth it.
Ash: I'm about to ride this deer over the edge of a canyon. I hope you're right about them not dying in the game.
Chris: Don't worry. Harts are difficult to break.
[Hobbit quotes (mild spoilers)]
Bilbo: The eagles have come!
Ash: I don't think Don Henley is going to be very useful in this scenario.
Mom: I only count four armies. What's the fifth one?
Ash: It's supposed to be the eagles. But as far as this film is concerned, it's Legolas.
Ash: Batgirl is kicking *really* enthusiastically. I think she's saying "Lemme outta here! I wanna kick orc butt!"