Overheard lately in the Ash-Chris Household...
Ash: Which part of "Don't munch on the baby" do you not grasp?
Chris: I'm not swallowing!
Chris: [as Robin, who has learned to munch her fingers] This hand is not as tasty as previous hands I've nommed on.
Ash: How many hands has she eaten?!?!
Ash: You've been doing a great job in the bedroom.
Chris: *raised eyebrow*
Ash: ...I meant *cleaning!*
Ash: First we use olive oil to help with her dry skin. Now we put salt on her belly button to fix a problem there. If we're next told to wrap her in bacon for some reason I'm going to start getting suspicious.
Chris: [to Robin] We will, we will rock you!
Ash: Let's loom over the baby!
Chris and Ash: [bending over Robin and speaking in tandem] .....loooooooooooom!
[pause]
Chris and Ash: .....loooooooooooom!!!
[pause]
Chris and Ash: .....LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
[laughter]
Ash: Do you think we're insane?
Chris: Yes.
[pause]
Chris and Ash: .....LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Robin: [grumpy expression which clearly states "Why are you playing this stupid game instead of feeding me?"]
(be glad you weren't there for the Thus Spoke Zarathustra game. That one I don't think can be chronicled. This is probably a good thing)
Ash: Coming soon, an album of songs improvised by Ash and Chris to sing to the baby. Included: "The Tuba Song" complete with the trumpet, viola, and superhero verses, "Hey Little Girl", and the new hit single "The Bending Down Game (It's Hell For the Parents But It's Lots of Fun For the Kid)".
Chris: As calypso versions of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star go, this isn't bad.
Ash: And how many calypso versions of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have you heard?
Chris: One. But it isn't bad.
Ash: I almost feel bad about how she's learned to punch that toucan.
Chris: Don't worry, toucan play at that game.
Chris: Punch the toucan sounds like a euphamism for something.
Ash: *Everything* sounds like a euphamism. X the Y; insert any verb for X and any noun for Y and you have a euphamism.
Ash: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of an iron suit with rocket boots.
Ash: I could have said that with less vocabulary.
Chris: Yes, it turned out rather anticlimatic.
Chris: [struggling with getting baby limbs in clothes] One more arm...
Ash: No, two arms is enough.
Chris: No, there should be two more arms. Then she'd have four, and forearmed is forewarned.
Ash: [singing to Robin in bath] Rubber ducky, you're the one, you make bathtime lots of fun, rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you...rubber ducky, you're the best, I'll get a tattoo of you on my chest, rubber ducky I'm inventing the lyrics now...he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, I don't remember the real bridge so this one will have to do...rubber ducky, you're kind of sick, let's get this bath over quick, rubber ducky Mom had better learn the real words!
Chris: [to Robin in bath] Wrinkly, prune-y baby! We shall turn you into a raisin!
Ash: And when you're done, I can put you in my oatmeal!
Chris: Why do we always end up joking about eating the baby?
Ash: [as Robin] I'm high on milk! It's like being high on life but with way more spacing out.
Chris: Actually, for her milk is life, sort of.
Ash: "The milk is the life"? I don't think this slogan will work for vampire babies.
Ash: Shiny happy baby grinning huge, shiny happy baby...on the luge...damn, should've picked an easier rhyme.
Ash: Chris, I'm sure you're not allowed to sing "Libera Me" as a lullaby.
Chris: [starts singing "Space Oddity" instead"]
Ash: Much better.
Chris: [improvies jazz into the tune]
Ash: ...well, Bowie probably won't mind...
Chris: [is holding baby]
Ash: [hugs Chris from behind] Yay, Chris sandwich. ...maybe an open-face sandwich, with a sprout on top.
Chris: No.
Ash: I can't call her a sprout? Why not?
Chris: Because sprouts are small and cabbage-like and green, and she's only one of these.
Ash: I could fix that.
Chris: No turning her into a cabbage!
Ash: I just wanted to paint her green.
Chris: No doing that either.
Ash: Oh well, at least this conversation didn't turn into another one about eating the baby.
Ash: If Prufrock had measured out his life with Nutella spoons, he'd have been a lot happier.
Ash: Baby, when you're with me, *every* night is Burns Night.
Ash: I think Robin's life ambition may be to become a Tetris L-block.
Ash: What band is this?
Chris: Placebo.
Ash: Ah, that explains why I like it. [penny drops] ...I wish that had been deliberate.
Chris: I'm not swallowing!
Chris: [as Robin, who has learned to munch her fingers] This hand is not as tasty as previous hands I've nommed on.
Ash: How many hands has she eaten?!?!
Ash: You've been doing a great job in the bedroom.
Chris: *raised eyebrow*
Ash: ...I meant *cleaning!*
Ash: First we use olive oil to help with her dry skin. Now we put salt on her belly button to fix a problem there. If we're next told to wrap her in bacon for some reason I'm going to start getting suspicious.
Chris: [to Robin] We will, we will rock you!
Ash: Let's loom over the baby!
Chris and Ash: [bending over Robin and speaking in tandem] .....loooooooooooom!
[pause]
Chris and Ash: .....loooooooooooom!!!
[pause]
Chris and Ash: .....LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
[laughter]
Ash: Do you think we're insane?
Chris: Yes.
[pause]
Chris and Ash: .....LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Robin: [grumpy expression which clearly states "Why are you playing this stupid game instead of feeding me?"]
(be glad you weren't there for the Thus Spoke Zarathustra game. That one I don't think can be chronicled. This is probably a good thing)
Ash: Coming soon, an album of songs improvised by Ash and Chris to sing to the baby. Included: "The Tuba Song" complete with the trumpet, viola, and superhero verses, "Hey Little Girl", and the new hit single "The Bending Down Game (It's Hell For the Parents But It's Lots of Fun For the Kid)".
Chris: As calypso versions of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star go, this isn't bad.
Ash: And how many calypso versions of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have you heard?
Chris: One. But it isn't bad.
Ash: I almost feel bad about how she's learned to punch that toucan.
Chris: Don't worry, toucan play at that game.
Chris: Punch the toucan sounds like a euphamism for something.
Ash: *Everything* sounds like a euphamism. X the Y; insert any verb for X and any noun for Y and you have a euphamism.
Ash: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of an iron suit with rocket boots.
Ash: I could have said that with less vocabulary.
Chris: Yes, it turned out rather anticlimatic.
Chris: [struggling with getting baby limbs in clothes] One more arm...
Ash: No, two arms is enough.
Chris: No, there should be two more arms. Then she'd have four, and forearmed is forewarned.
Ash: [singing to Robin in bath] Rubber ducky, you're the one, you make bathtime lots of fun, rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you...rubber ducky, you're the best, I'll get a tattoo of you on my chest, rubber ducky I'm inventing the lyrics now...he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, I don't remember the real bridge so this one will have to do...rubber ducky, you're kind of sick, let's get this bath over quick, rubber ducky Mom had better learn the real words!
Chris: [to Robin in bath] Wrinkly, prune-y baby! We shall turn you into a raisin!
Ash: And when you're done, I can put you in my oatmeal!
Chris: Why do we always end up joking about eating the baby?
Ash: [as Robin] I'm high on milk! It's like being high on life but with way more spacing out.
Chris: Actually, for her milk is life, sort of.
Ash: "The milk is the life"? I don't think this slogan will work for vampire babies.
Ash: Shiny happy baby grinning huge, shiny happy baby...on the luge...damn, should've picked an easier rhyme.
Ash: Chris, I'm sure you're not allowed to sing "Libera Me" as a lullaby.
Chris: [starts singing "Space Oddity" instead"]
Ash: Much better.
Chris: [improvies jazz into the tune]
Ash: ...well, Bowie probably won't mind...
Chris: [is holding baby]
Ash: [hugs Chris from behind] Yay, Chris sandwich. ...maybe an open-face sandwich, with a sprout on top.
Chris: No.
Ash: I can't call her a sprout? Why not?
Chris: Because sprouts are small and cabbage-like and green, and she's only one of these.
Ash: I could fix that.
Chris: No turning her into a cabbage!
Ash: I just wanted to paint her green.
Chris: No doing that either.
Ash: Oh well, at least this conversation didn't turn into another one about eating the baby.
Ash: If Prufrock had measured out his life with Nutella spoons, he'd have been a lot happier.
Ash: Baby, when you're with me, *every* night is Burns Night.
Ash: I think Robin's life ambition may be to become a Tetris L-block.
Ash: What band is this?
Chris: Placebo.
Ash: Ah, that explains why I like it. [penny drops] ...I wish that had been deliberate.