Journal Entry - Lily Evans - Private
Lily Evans
Private Journal Entry
Written after leaving the town hall; some facts may be changed if events in the unfinished post warrants
I don't understand what I did wrong.
No, that's a lie. I know what I did wrong, and I apologized for it. I know that doesn't erase it or make it right, but ... really, did he have to do that, in the middle of the party?
It was a lie, anyway. I would have slept with him. I wanted to. I was going to last night. I would have sooner, if he'd seemed at all inclined.
Severus is sleeping with Ice. Irony is being in the body that your ex lover is currently with. We haven't done anything intimate, of course - that would be wrong, and more disturbing than simply being in her body is.
I almost asked him if he loved her, but I didn't think I could handle it if he said yes. If he did love her. If he'd replaced me so quickly.
Though I wonder why I should care. He isn't with me, and I broke up with him for James. For Harry. To ensure a future in which my son is born.
I don't know where that stands now.
I can't face James. I can't. Not after everything he said. Not if that's what he believes of me. It hurts. I never thought words could cut so deep, but his did. This hurts worse even than Severus ignoring me after we were invaded and I'd been turned to a statue.
Part of me hopes that when we go back, we forget about all of this. I can't face James here; would it be any easier to face him back at Hogwarts? I don't think it will be.
And I find myself wondering now, how badly we're going to change the future.
- Lily
Private Journal Entry
Written after leaving the town hall; some facts may be changed if events in the unfinished post warrants
I don't understand what I did wrong.
No, that's a lie. I know what I did wrong, and I apologized for it. I know that doesn't erase it or make it right, but ... really, did he have to do that, in the middle of the party?
It was a lie, anyway. I would have slept with him. I wanted to. I was going to last night. I would have sooner, if he'd seemed at all inclined.
Severus is sleeping with Ice. Irony is being in the body that your ex lover is currently with. We haven't done anything intimate, of course - that would be wrong, and more disturbing than simply being in her body is.
I almost asked him if he loved her, but I didn't think I could handle it if he said yes. If he did love her. If he'd replaced me so quickly.
Though I wonder why I should care. He isn't with me, and I broke up with him for James. For Harry. To ensure a future in which my son is born.
I don't know where that stands now.
I can't face James. I can't. Not after everything he said. Not if that's what he believes of me. It hurts. I never thought words could cut so deep, but his did. This hurts worse even than Severus ignoring me after we were invaded and I'd been turned to a statue.
Part of me hopes that when we go back, we forget about all of this. I can't face James here; would it be any easier to face him back at Hogwarts? I don't think it will be.
And I find myself wondering now, how badly we're going to change the future.
- Lily