I don't know why it matters to Roman that I'm "talking shit" about Sam in my journal. Fuck you, Roman. At least I'm not the one stealing shit from people. Fuck you, Sam. At least I can believe in my friends. Fuck you, Aubrey. At least I'm not completely lame. Fuck you, Reno. I thought we were friends. Fuck you.
Much later:
I wrote something earlier
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reno, you have this problem with being there for someone emotionally because i think you're blocked off for whatever reason or are just trying to not get attached. you were never really present with me, reno. think how you want, i can't care anymore about you.
oh yes and just because you don't reach out that much i'm supposed to do all the fucking work? fuck that, reno. i couldn't be around you last time because of too much work. you know what it's like to get good grades and want to keep them up. i won't compromise my grades because of you. my grades will effect my life longer than you ever will, reno.
you wanna fucking hang out? GIMME A FUCKING DAY. i dunno when you're free. look, i'm busy every fucking wednesday. i'm busy every fucking tuesday. thursdays are good.
to be quite honest, i don't want to be friends with you anymore, but i want to get some shit straightened out.
and what the fuck is this? is everyone enjoying the fucking public hate-gen forum? fuck you, i'll delete this fucking thing as soon as i can fucking figure out how. there you FUCKING go.
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Fine. Don't care about me anymore. If you can just drop a friend like that, maybe it's good I didn't try.
Gen...You've done it more than just in the last few months. You've ditched me many times, now I'm finally telling you that it annoys the fuck out of me. I don't know what to tell you.
I've told you so many times, I'm free anyday. I have commitments, but I was willing to drop them for a day. I guess I didn't mean that much too you.
You don't want to be friends? We haven't been. But if we're not going to figure this crap out, can I have all my shit back? I would really appreciate it.
This isn't a fucking hate-Gen forum. I'm not going to talk about other people, but you brought this conversation from me on yourself. I wasn't not going to respond.
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i can't keep caring about some ice bitch who never really opened up to me. i had attachment to you, but now there's practically nothing holding us together. i guess that's why we failed.
i don't mean to fucking ditch you, reno, sometimes shit just happens. my life isn't exactly as cookie cutter predictable as yours. i can't drop anything, some things i have to do and i don't have a choice. you don't mean enough to me to drop whatever i have to do for a damn day and risk my dad getting pissed and trying to take my mom to court AGAIN. fuck that shit, reno. FUCK that.
you want your shit? i dunno whats yours. come and fucking get it.
from you, yes, this is what i wanted. i'm used to you sitting still and saying nothing when i bare my teeth. it's like the rumor you spread about teddy. at least i could fucking make you feel something.
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Tell me if it's something really major. I always understood about your parents, but you never told me why you decided we weren't hanging out. You just said, we're not hanging out. What am I supposed to think?
Honestly. If we're not really friends, I wouldn't feel comfortable going through your stuff.
You know that rumor wasn't really a rumor. You want me to feel something, I feel everything. I just don't show it to everyone if I can. I'm sorry that I don't like having my emotions readily avaiable.
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