Stupid stupid stupid
What is god's name was i thinking? Shit! Yesterday at work I ate cheese fries! CHEESE FRIES! Shit! I might as well just lie down and have someone pump the fat into me by machine. It's the same self desruction as eating cheese fries. Why am I such a goddamed failure? A fucking disaster. Oh to make things SOO much better, I ate 3/4 a veggie club too. With all my coleslaw. SICK! I couldn't vomit it up either. I didn't have time. So I had to have that shit in my body all night. And then I went to my boy's place so I couldn't do it then either. SHIT SHIT SHIT. That crap is still in me. Eww!
Then this morning I ate 2 bowls of cereal. TWO damned bowls! 320 calories! Maybe more. Shit piss fuck hell. I took a metabolite but I doubt it will help. I am just too damned fat. I am going to reward myself today if I don't eat with sleep. I haven't sleep in days. My boy likes to stay up late touching me. I love his touch but damn, even fatty girls need rest. Or maybe i just don't deserve that kind of release. I bet that's it. I don't deserve to sleep. Shit. Why am I so goddamned useless? Just drain my blood and call it done.
Then this morning I ate 2 bowls of cereal. TWO damned bowls! 320 calories! Maybe more. Shit piss fuck hell. I took a metabolite but I doubt it will help. I am just too damned fat. I am going to reward myself today if I don't eat with sleep. I haven't sleep in days. My boy likes to stay up late touching me. I love his touch but damn, even fatty girls need rest. Or maybe i just don't deserve that kind of release. I bet that's it. I don't deserve to sleep. Shit. Why am I so goddamned useless? Just drain my blood and call it done.