(no subject)
i'm thinking shit, i told her. i don't know HOW. or WHY. we were in the car, driving, we'd just been talking about friends, and last year. and how neither of us were happy. and she mentions it..."did you ever...you know...ever think about...ending it all?"
"suicide"-the word i utter as it sticks in my throat and hardly murmers itself out. yes...suicide. and suddenly i nod yes, i tell her i almost killed myself. confess just how CLOSE i was to doing it. and all i remember is her looking for a parking space and suddenly i blurt out "i used to cut myself...it got really bad. i was so fucked up". and she doesn't really know what to say, but there's sympathy and care. which ususally i hate. but i think she's my best friend, and i didn't mind her being sympathetic. she cares. she said it hurt her so much to know i was hurting enough to do that to myself. and i tell her i HATE to know she was contemptlating suicide last year. because she is such an amazing best friend. and we're completley like sisters now. practically like twins what with all our similarities. i've never had a friend in real life who's so much like a sister.
but i keep thinking about how i told her...the cutting. i'm thinking shit shit shit. PLEASE don't let her tell her parents. i'm over that now. i'm not cutting anymore. i dont want anyone to worry. and the LAST thing i want is my parents finding out. that would kill me. *shudders* i don't know what to think. i just hope she keeps all this between us. its freaking me out immesnsly.
"suicide"-the word i utter as it sticks in my throat and hardly murmers itself out. yes...suicide. and suddenly i nod yes, i tell her i almost killed myself. confess just how CLOSE i was to doing it. and all i remember is her looking for a parking space and suddenly i blurt out "i used to cut myself...it got really bad. i was so fucked up". and she doesn't really know what to say, but there's sympathy and care. which ususally i hate. but i think she's my best friend, and i didn't mind her being sympathetic. she cares. she said it hurt her so much to know i was hurting enough to do that to myself. and i tell her i HATE to know she was contemptlating suicide last year. because she is such an amazing best friend. and we're completley like sisters now. practically like twins what with all our similarities. i've never had a friend in real life who's so much like a sister.
but i keep thinking about how i told her...the cutting. i'm thinking shit shit shit. PLEASE don't let her tell her parents. i'm over that now. i'm not cutting anymore. i dont want anyone to worry. and the LAST thing i want is my parents finding out. that would kill me. *shudders* i don't know what to think. i just hope she keeps all this between us. its freaking me out immesnsly.