For he's a sexy good fellow...

[ashendi]

It has come to the attention of my mammoth space brain that this coming wednesday is the Christmas in february! Yes, my friends, it is the 21st anniversary of the day that my partner in many heinous crimes against the quivering pink Scions of Adam was expelled into this world! He emerged, hirsute and leering, from his mother's vagina, clutching a fatty boombattey in one grasping, foetal claw and a bottle of jaeger in the other, shouting "ACE of SPADES!" and stabbing to doctor who tried give him a breathing spank to death with a corkscrew. Yes, it is the birthday of Sam Rosenblum! I'd buy him something, but he's currently spending the year in Japan, where anything you desire is instantly made manifest by the telepathically activated matter compilers, appearing in a flash of soothing pink light out of pure platinum, where it gives you a polite bow as befits your station.

Hey, female friends! You should totally jump all over this guy. Seriously!  He's:

-Hairy! Like, lycanthrope hairy!
-In possesion of basically my exact sense of humor and personality, but he's prettier than me! So it's like, a net gain!
-Probably has some other nice traits!

There, Sam. I gave you the gift of western hemnisphere trim for whenever you get back. Many happy returns, because I swear to my dark kinky tentacle god that if you die before I do I am raising your goddamn corpse SO FAST.

Wait, Jews go in for cremation, don't they? No, wait, that's the Japanese. Don't die in Japan, Rosenblum! Don't die in Japan!