these dreams are going to kill me

[ashen_romance]

It's funny how most of the time when I get what I wish for it turns out totally different than how I had imagined or wanted it. I remember saying for the longest time "I wish I could remember my dreams more often." What happens when I do? More than half of them turn out to be sex dreams. Aaargh. Most of them are about girls, some that I recognize, others I don't. I even had one about an ex boyfriend, and woke up sorely missing him, but only in one way, which later made me feel a bit guilty. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me I'm frustrated...but I honestly didn't need to be reminded. That's not to say I'm not getting enough, quite the opposite. I guess I'm just not satisfied, which makes me sound a lot like my biological father (which sounds like a Prince song, ha!). Is it in the genes? I've pretty much always been this way...things will be fine for the longest time, and then out of the blue I'll just start craving something new, different, better. Or is it ground into me from all those constant moves throughout my childhood? I think that's what it really is, the environment I grew up in. I'm not sure what to do about it, I'm trying not to think about it above all else, but apparently what I don't think about while I'm awake likes to overwhelm me while I'm asleep.

I think I'm going to drink before bed tonight...I've noticed that I usually don't remember my dreams if I get drunk or even just buzzed before sleeping.

Now if I could just come up with a solution for when I'm awake.