Pregnancy
Some women love their pregnant bodies. I really wish that I could.
I'm not saying that I don't like being pregnant, or the bond I share with my daughter in the womb, because I do, I love that bit. It's the physical aspect that I so detest.
I weigh 176 pounds right now. That, in my opinion, is mind-blowing. I understand that a good portion of that weight is all the fluids and crap in the uterus, and Iris herself (she's about five or six pounds now) But really? I was 130 before I was pregnant. Svelte as a whistle last summer, best shape of my life. Now I have extra hip baggage, and I'm noticing weight gain in my arms. My legs are okay, thank the gods, because I walk everyplace. But my body has changed so radically that I can't help but not like what I see in the mirror. I know that now is not the time for me to concern myself with how I look, but I can't help it. It's making me really, really anxious.
I went to the beach on memorial day and for the first time in my life was uncomfortable in a bikini. I felt like people were staring at me. Maybe I was just judging myself, but I felt judged, and I couldn't relax. All I could think about was how I look.
I'm anxious to have her so that I can get back into my exercise regime, even if I'm only working out at home. It's possible. And I can have Colin watch her while I go for a run or something. I can't slack, I have to get right back in shape. September is gonna be crunch time. I have to work hard all winter.
My breasts are also a concern. I think I'm in the DDs now. They've gotten ridiculously big. I only have a few bras that fit me. If I start working the muscle 'round that area, I think that they'll get smaller or at least more manageable.
Also, here's something that may help my friends who are smokers quit smoking, if they so desire. I didn't have as much trouble with giving up cigarettes as I thought I would, but this is what I've done that helps me.
I know I say that cigarettes are gross and I can't stand the smell anymore, even (and I can't, honestly) but every now and then, especially if I am stressed out or angry or sad, I want one. The craving strikes and it's really, really hard to resist the temptation to light up.
So, I have an "emergency" cigarette. I keep it in my room where it cannot be seen, hidden away. I know this seems stupid, like why would I have a cigarette around, I'm just going to smoke it if I want to. But I don't want to smoke it! I know it makes no sense. Every time I think I need it, I have to make the decision to light up, you see? I have to go get it out of its secret little hiding place, and think "I'm not going to have an emergency cigarette if I smoke this. Do I REALLY need to smoke this right now? Is this an emergency? Is my daughter's health worth lighting this cigarette right now?" and I'm forced to evaluate the situation, and usually go get a glass of water and a piece of chocolate instead.
I'm not saying that I don't like being pregnant, or the bond I share with my daughter in the womb, because I do, I love that bit. It's the physical aspect that I so detest.
I weigh 176 pounds right now. That, in my opinion, is mind-blowing. I understand that a good portion of that weight is all the fluids and crap in the uterus, and Iris herself (she's about five or six pounds now) But really? I was 130 before I was pregnant. Svelte as a whistle last summer, best shape of my life. Now I have extra hip baggage, and I'm noticing weight gain in my arms. My legs are okay, thank the gods, because I walk everyplace. But my body has changed so radically that I can't help but not like what I see in the mirror. I know that now is not the time for me to concern myself with how I look, but I can't help it. It's making me really, really anxious.
I went to the beach on memorial day and for the first time in my life was uncomfortable in a bikini. I felt like people were staring at me. Maybe I was just judging myself, but I felt judged, and I couldn't relax. All I could think about was how I look.
I'm anxious to have her so that I can get back into my exercise regime, even if I'm only working out at home. It's possible. And I can have Colin watch her while I go for a run or something. I can't slack, I have to get right back in shape. September is gonna be crunch time. I have to work hard all winter.
My breasts are also a concern. I think I'm in the DDs now. They've gotten ridiculously big. I only have a few bras that fit me. If I start working the muscle 'round that area, I think that they'll get smaller or at least more manageable.
Also, here's something that may help my friends who are smokers quit smoking, if they so desire. I didn't have as much trouble with giving up cigarettes as I thought I would, but this is what I've done that helps me.
I know I say that cigarettes are gross and I can't stand the smell anymore, even (and I can't, honestly) but every now and then, especially if I am stressed out or angry or sad, I want one. The craving strikes and it's really, really hard to resist the temptation to light up.
So, I have an "emergency" cigarette. I keep it in my room where it cannot be seen, hidden away. I know this seems stupid, like why would I have a cigarette around, I'm just going to smoke it if I want to. But I don't want to smoke it! I know it makes no sense. Every time I think I need it, I have to make the decision to light up, you see? I have to go get it out of its secret little hiding place, and think "I'm not going to have an emergency cigarette if I smoke this. Do I REALLY need to smoke this right now? Is this an emergency? Is my daughter's health worth lighting this cigarette right now?" and I'm forced to evaluate the situation, and usually go get a glass of water and a piece of chocolate instead.