there was nothing she could do until after...

[ashcoloredsky]

why is everything that matters so inevitable?

i hate knowing that it will happen sometime soon.

i hate having to worry and feel guilty when i don't get on my bike. that is so not important compared to other things...yet, i still worry and make myself upset over it.

i hate knowing that it's too late for so many people.

i hate summer for giving me so much time to think.

i hate myself for not crying when it matters.

i hate myself for knowing that i have no right to hate myself, and shouldn't.

i hate being away from them, because i feel like they are the only sane people, and i love them so much.

i hate my dad being away for such long periods of time.

i hate that my parents are going away.

i hate knowing that my mom wants me to go with them, but also wants to be alone and knowing that if i'm upset, it makes her upset.

i hate making my parents worry or making them upset.

i hate the look on my moms face when she isn't mad, she's sad about something i did.

i hate cancer for taking so many lives away without discrimination.

on the other hand...

i love having people ask if me, tiffany, stephanie, and paulina are all lisa's daughters.

i love that she says yes and smiles.

i love spending time with my mom ((but i wish my dad were around more)).

i'm done.