Rrrggghhh
Well I only have a week left until I can go home for Christmas break. I am really stoked about it. The only problem is that I have finals next week. I will really have to work hard to do well on them. I have a chemistry test tomorrow. I am hoping that I will manage alright. This weekend will be devoted to getting ready for finals and typing up a paper. I just got off the phone with RJ. I am disapointed in him. It is like he gets these good streaks and everything is great, then he slips back to what he used to do. Don't get me wrong, our relationship is doing GREAT over all. It's just that he sleeps WAY TOO MUCH. I feel like I compete with his sleep more then anything else.
He says that he is sorry, and I am sure that he is, but you know... I just don't care about the apologies anymore. I know he doesn't mean to do it on purpose, so I am learning to live with it. I still get upset, but I try to tell myself that he "needs" his sleep. He really does have a sleeping problem though. He needs help waking up all the time. I feel bad for him actually. I often wonder if I will have to wake him up when I live with him or marry him. I don't know. He says that life is really hectic right now. So I will give him the benefit of the doubt. All I know is that I have a hectic life right now, and I am struggling to hold myself together.
I just need to decide between two things about RJ and myself. I know he has a sleeping problem, and that he can't really help it. The question is can I live with it? Or am I one to not put up with it in the long run. The only problem is I do love RJ. That is one thing I am sure of in this world. There was a point where I questioned whether I was in love with him, and that will always stick in my mind. We had it so hard for a while. It was like we were dancing around a breakup every single day. Luckily, we loved each other enough to work it out. There were so many times where I would have rather given up and just quit. The only thing keeping me there was the love I had for him.
I would have agreed to break up with him if he suggested it, but I myself couldn't bring myself to end a relationship that I enjoyed as much as I did at one point in my life. I used to smile whenever I saw him or heard his voice. He used to be able to make me laugh constantly. Then it all dissapeared... luckily IT IS BACK. We are still fixing our problems. I mean they don't just fix themselves overnight or anything. I think we are just moving up a step that's all. We have learned how to communicate better as well. The only problem I have with him is that I get upset when he doesn't call or e mail me.
I have to learn how to deal with this. I always give him the benefit of the doubt until I hear his story, and then that is when I get upset. The fact is, that I should be happy that he even called me at all. Tonight he called work to say he would be 10 minutes late so he could talk to me. What did I do? I was upset the entire time because he never wrote or called me in a few days. I guess I was hurt and dissapointed. I was checking my e mail several times a day, checking my cell phone for calls, as well as my dorm phone.
I think sometimes I expect too much out of him. Maybe my standards for him are too high. At the same time, I don't want to lower them either. I don't know what to do. I just hope that things keep going the way they are. As much as he can aggravate me on the phone, and upset me. As soon as I put the phone down I can't help but smile and say to myself 'he did call.' Of course, I can't really tell him this though. I mean, I am upset, but I want him to know that. I don't want to just let it go like my feelings are nothing.
I have been thinking lately about just how strongly I feel for him. I think it is very hard for someone who has fell out of love with someone to be in love again. I also think a person who is questioning their love also has a chance of not falling again. I am just glad that I gave our relationship another chance. I love him so much. At least, if it doesn't work out in the long haul, we can say that we TRULY did give it our best shot. He is the love of my life, and if he can treat me right, I would like for him to be there forever......
He says that he is sorry, and I am sure that he is, but you know... I just don't care about the apologies anymore. I know he doesn't mean to do it on purpose, so I am learning to live with it. I still get upset, but I try to tell myself that he "needs" his sleep. He really does have a sleeping problem though. He needs help waking up all the time. I feel bad for him actually. I often wonder if I will have to wake him up when I live with him or marry him. I don't know. He says that life is really hectic right now. So I will give him the benefit of the doubt. All I know is that I have a hectic life right now, and I am struggling to hold myself together.
I just need to decide between two things about RJ and myself. I know he has a sleeping problem, and that he can't really help it. The question is can I live with it? Or am I one to not put up with it in the long run. The only problem is I do love RJ. That is one thing I am sure of in this world. There was a point where I questioned whether I was in love with him, and that will always stick in my mind. We had it so hard for a while. It was like we were dancing around a breakup every single day. Luckily, we loved each other enough to work it out. There were so many times where I would have rather given up and just quit. The only thing keeping me there was the love I had for him.
I would have agreed to break up with him if he suggested it, but I myself couldn't bring myself to end a relationship that I enjoyed as much as I did at one point in my life. I used to smile whenever I saw him or heard his voice. He used to be able to make me laugh constantly. Then it all dissapeared... luckily IT IS BACK. We are still fixing our problems. I mean they don't just fix themselves overnight or anything. I think we are just moving up a step that's all. We have learned how to communicate better as well. The only problem I have with him is that I get upset when he doesn't call or e mail me.
I have to learn how to deal with this. I always give him the benefit of the doubt until I hear his story, and then that is when I get upset. The fact is, that I should be happy that he even called me at all. Tonight he called work to say he would be 10 minutes late so he could talk to me. What did I do? I was upset the entire time because he never wrote or called me in a few days. I guess I was hurt and dissapointed. I was checking my e mail several times a day, checking my cell phone for calls, as well as my dorm phone.
I think sometimes I expect too much out of him. Maybe my standards for him are too high. At the same time, I don't want to lower them either. I don't know what to do. I just hope that things keep going the way they are. As much as he can aggravate me on the phone, and upset me. As soon as I put the phone down I can't help but smile and say to myself 'he did call.' Of course, I can't really tell him this though. I mean, I am upset, but I want him to know that. I don't want to just let it go like my feelings are nothing.
I have been thinking lately about just how strongly I feel for him. I think it is very hard for someone who has fell out of love with someone to be in love again. I also think a person who is questioning their love also has a chance of not falling again. I am just glad that I gave our relationship another chance. I love him so much. At least, if it doesn't work out in the long haul, we can say that we TRULY did give it our best shot. He is the love of my life, and if he can treat me right, I would like for him to be there forever......