when he closes a door, he opens a window...
well there are terrible storms going on here in Cheshire county, and so my run is going to be delayed...this humidity is doing a number on my waistline or it could be just because I am able to consume solid food again. Since my last post, life is getting better. Jared and I are better than ever, he means so much to me. However, the distance we had that week helped me to get back in touch with a few friends. Abbey as usual has been there for more through this whole thing. I knew I could call her up, even if I was drunk, alone in my room without any roommates and she wasn't going to think less of me, why because she has been there before. I know if she wasn't teaching in CT she would have driven down to see me with no questions asked. She of course worried about me, just because she hated to see me so upset but she didn't judge though which is more than I can say about a few of my other friends. It's getting more and more difficult to accept things these days, and more difficult to put into place who exactly my friends are. Jared is my best guy friend I have, he knows everything about me, even more than lots of my female friends because I need to justify certain parts of me with reason. Nevertheless, he forgives and loves me for exactly who I am.
Some people wonder who exactly I am, well I am someone who is deathly afraid of thunderstorms, I am constantly scared another friend is going to die, I worry about everything, I like to dance in the rain, I need to say "I love you" exactly when I feel it. I like to play in the mud, but I hate bugs. I am a huge science geek, but I have to study just to make the grade. I am destined to be a poor teacher. I can cry almost instantly when I feel bad. I blame myself for so many things, my past is my fault and I can't erase the memories. I like to be open, but I internalize everything. I like to think I know everything and will argue about it even when I know I am wrong. I sing in the shower, in the bedroom, in the car, on my way to class, while I am running. I love my family, but it doesn't stop me from getting mad sometimes. I can be spoiled but I appreciate everything. I will always be a little fat. This is me, I can't change it nor do I want to.
I do know that distance is hard, I am only an hour away and no one comes to visit me, or even asks if I want company, other than Jared. He'll come up on his day off even if I am in class, just that I am not alone when I get back. I'd do the same for my friends as well. When you love people, you'd do anything for them. When I make a friend I will do anything for them. I guess I just need to sit back and figure out just what I need. Maybe I am selfish, but I am tired of being friends to others and not having it returned.
I wish I could see Brianne more! I miss her like crazy, I don't laugh as much as I do when her and I are together. Partners in Crime to the MAX!!! I miss Steph too, we go through these phases where we're friends then we're not. However, it'll be nice to see her when she gets back from Germany, perhaps we can double date again. I miss my friend Jess, well ex friend is what I should say, we don't talk anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't think about her. I miss lots of people, I guess that's another problem I have. I miss people but I am afraid they don't miss me as well so if I was contact them, I'd risk looking like an ass.
Well I've babbled on enough in this entry, the lightening stopped so I am going to try to get at least a mile of running in. I'll write more later. Leave the Love
Some people wonder who exactly I am, well I am someone who is deathly afraid of thunderstorms, I am constantly scared another friend is going to die, I worry about everything, I like to dance in the rain, I need to say "I love you" exactly when I feel it. I like to play in the mud, but I hate bugs. I am a huge science geek, but I have to study just to make the grade. I am destined to be a poor teacher. I can cry almost instantly when I feel bad. I blame myself for so many things, my past is my fault and I can't erase the memories. I like to be open, but I internalize everything. I like to think I know everything and will argue about it even when I know I am wrong. I sing in the shower, in the bedroom, in the car, on my way to class, while I am running. I love my family, but it doesn't stop me from getting mad sometimes. I can be spoiled but I appreciate everything. I will always be a little fat. This is me, I can't change it nor do I want to.
I do know that distance is hard, I am only an hour away and no one comes to visit me, or even asks if I want company, other than Jared. He'll come up on his day off even if I am in class, just that I am not alone when I get back. I'd do the same for my friends as well. When you love people, you'd do anything for them. When I make a friend I will do anything for them. I guess I just need to sit back and figure out just what I need. Maybe I am selfish, but I am tired of being friends to others and not having it returned.
I wish I could see Brianne more! I miss her like crazy, I don't laugh as much as I do when her and I are together. Partners in Crime to the MAX!!! I miss Steph too, we go through these phases where we're friends then we're not. However, it'll be nice to see her when she gets back from Germany, perhaps we can double date again. I miss my friend Jess, well ex friend is what I should say, we don't talk anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't think about her. I miss lots of people, I guess that's another problem I have. I miss people but I am afraid they don't miss me as well so if I was contact them, I'd risk looking like an ass.
Well I've babbled on enough in this entry, the lightening stopped so I am going to try to get at least a mile of running in. I'll write more later. Leave the Love