(no subject)

[ashadowsembrace]

Is there an unconcius self defense mechanism that made me do this? Was it the urge to not go through any poor pain because of these people? Was what they did that terrible? Was I overreacting? Am I going insane? Why did I do this? Was it worse to hold in the hate and never tell me, or was it worse to outright tell the person and have a painful occurnce of feelings for a while but etleast I would know the truth.....I don't believe that I was protecting myself from my friends by alienating myself from them....I still hold a friendship with Andrew ,and Justin and they are to leave very soon. This simple fast seems to disprove that...but at the same time I've ben trying to re-forged and/or strengthen friendships with people staying here.....so this makes it seem so... these are just the questions I've been mulling over today...that and if I relized my mistake would they ever actually let me be among them anymore....most people to read all of this may not know what I'm talking about so sorry about the long read for nothing.

May your way be green and golden.