(no subject)

[ashadowsembrace]

I'm a very....well scared person....I'd say cowerdly but I know that, that isn't true. I get scared of things yet to come so often that I nearly back out, and some times I do only to miss out on something great. I'm afraid of the future right now. I'm afraid like hell that I'm going to be some bumb loser not making it in life. I'm afraid of being a leach, of living on someone elses success, this is probably my greatest fear in life. I'm afraid that I won't make it for some reason, that I'll drop out of the army or something stupid like that, and end up worthless. I'm afraid that I'll be to lazy to actually make something of myself and I'm afraid that I won't really get anything in life done. I try not to think about this for it is very unreasonable, but at the same time it seems completely plosable...But all I can do about it now is work hard at what I'm doing (which is only school), plan for the future, and try not to dwell on this fear.
That and is there something wrong with me? For I'm about to have my licence (not that I really care[My parents will pay the insurance]), I have a car, and I'll have alot of freetime after school, but I don't see the need in haveing a job. Money just isn't very appealing for me, and I don't see the need to have the job....Does this make me lazy? Am I already foreshadowing my shity future by not getting a job? Or is it ok to enjoy my last year before I enter the real world? I'm confused, someone give me answers, and make them painful if need be.