(no subject)
Biking off into the darkness with his umbrella blocking the rain. Maybe it was then that I fell in love with late night bike rides. He seemingly has a knack for creating the perfect image, again, and again, and again.
I saw him again today. After a year away. Still beautiful as ever. I just wanted to hold him, touch him, run my fingers over his scars. Oh, the stories. How I wish he were mine. Mine forever. But it isn't meant to be. As much as it hurts to tear myself away from him, he's not what I'm looking for. I can do better, and I will.
haha, oh cryptic livejournal. it sounds so much more scandalous with vague pronouns. too bad I'm not talking about a boy but about a violin.
I went to look for a new violin today. I'd spent a lot of time at the shop last year, but hadn't really been back since. There was one, a dark, oddly thick violin with lots of scars, that I fell in love with. Or maybe lust, rather. It never actually sounded that great, it just looked absolutely gorgeous. I would love to own it. I always kept coming back to play it again in hopes that maybe it would somehow sound better. It never did. Today it was still there, and I still loved it. Still just wanted to hold it, to touch it, to notice it's every detail. Still just couldn't quite let it alone. But still, it's just not everything I need.
I started a love affair, though, with another one. That's what the shop owner said to me after I told him I wanted to take it home to play for a week. "Are you starting a love affair with that violin, then?" I answer, "Yes. I think I am." Maybe...maybe this one is the one.
We joked that our violins are our boyfriends but it's really quite true. The guilt I feel getting ready to leave the one that's been mine for so many years. I know it's time to move on. I know he's not good for me anymore, but i'll miss him. It feels like betrayal, letting him go. I'll miss him, I'll miss everything he's meant to me for so long. But now I'm dating. I'm searching for a new violin. Failure after failure. Sometimes it seems just easier to give up. Sometimes it seems like there are no options. Or like there are endless options, but none of them really seem possible. The one I find though will probably be mine for life. This time it's marriage. I'm scared of the commitment.
I saw him again today. After a year away. Still beautiful as ever. I just wanted to hold him, touch him, run my fingers over his scars. Oh, the stories. How I wish he were mine. Mine forever. But it isn't meant to be. As much as it hurts to tear myself away from him, he's not what I'm looking for. I can do better, and I will.
haha, oh cryptic livejournal. it sounds so much more scandalous with vague pronouns. too bad I'm not talking about a boy but about a violin.
I went to look for a new violin today. I'd spent a lot of time at the shop last year, but hadn't really been back since. There was one, a dark, oddly thick violin with lots of scars, that I fell in love with. Or maybe lust, rather. It never actually sounded that great, it just looked absolutely gorgeous. I would love to own it. I always kept coming back to play it again in hopes that maybe it would somehow sound better. It never did. Today it was still there, and I still loved it. Still just wanted to hold it, to touch it, to notice it's every detail. Still just couldn't quite let it alone. But still, it's just not everything I need.
I started a love affair, though, with another one. That's what the shop owner said to me after I told him I wanted to take it home to play for a week. "Are you starting a love affair with that violin, then?" I answer, "Yes. I think I am." Maybe...maybe this one is the one.
We joked that our violins are our boyfriends but it's really quite true. The guilt I feel getting ready to leave the one that's been mine for so many years. I know it's time to move on. I know he's not good for me anymore, but i'll miss him. It feels like betrayal, letting him go. I'll miss him, I'll miss everything he's meant to me for so long. But now I'm dating. I'm searching for a new violin. Failure after failure. Sometimes it seems just easier to give up. Sometimes it seems like there are no options. Or like there are endless options, but none of them really seem possible. The one I find though will probably be mine for life. This time it's marriage. I'm scared of the commitment.