(no subject)
homecoming is this weekend... i'm excited for the game and the dance and everything, but i'm not really looking forward to anything after the dance... i was gonna go to taryn's, but i know everyone will be drinking and puking everywhere and i don't know if i really wanna be around all that... but i don't know what else to do or where else to go... i don't wanna just go home... sarah said i could hang out with her and scott if they decide not to go to taryn's (and matt too if he wants, but i don't think he's interested)... but i know she really wants some alone time with scott... trust me i totally understand... and i don't wanna interrupt... i'll probably stop by taryn's just to see what's up, but i don't think i'm gonna stay all night... i'm definitely not drinking, so mom shouldn't really have a problem with me driving as long as i'm careful... i dunno... i'm just kind of upset that i don't have anything to do afterwards... but i can't really think of anything that sounds like fun for me, so i guess no one else is really gonna think of it either... it's just another one of those times when i feel like the biggest loser ever... and like i'm never gonna have any fun because no matter what i'm doing, i never seem to be having fun...
the college fair is tonight... i'm going with sarah... of course i'm stressed out about colleges and scholarships... i'm glad sarah kinda knows how i feel... for once someone does... i really just wanna sit down and talk with my mom about everything... what colleges she thinks i should look at/apply to... and i wish she could help me think of topics for my essays and i wish she would sit and talk to me about scholarships and help me figure out what to do... but she's always so busy... it seems like she always has a settlement or something that she needs to do for work, it's like we never really have time to talk about this stuff... i know i can do it on my own... i always do... i always figure out a way to get things done... but i guess it might be easier if i had some help or some type of guidance... i dunno... i'm so upset that i don't know what i want to do with my life... everyone else has it all figured out... they wanna be a doctor or a nurse or an engineer or whatever... and i have no clue... how am i supposed to know what i want to do with the rest of my life at the age of sixteen? i mean how can people really expect me to have it all figured out? i kind of want to have an undeclared major for the first semester or year of college or whatever and just take the general classes that i'm gonna need... until i figure out what i want to do... but i kind of feel like it's a waste of time... here i am just taking all kinds of general classes instead of focusing on whatever it is that i'm gonna end up doing and learning all about it... but i don't know what else to do... i'm just really confused... i know a few things i'm interested in... graphic design, psychology, english... and i think i want to do something with english... like writing and reading... for a magazine or a newspaper or books or something, but i don't really have the confidence in myself... i can't ever think of anything to write about... i dunno really, i guess i'll figure something out...
well sarah's here and we're about to leave... more later maybe?
the college fair is tonight... i'm going with sarah... of course i'm stressed out about colleges and scholarships... i'm glad sarah kinda knows how i feel... for once someone does... i really just wanna sit down and talk with my mom about everything... what colleges she thinks i should look at/apply to... and i wish she could help me think of topics for my essays and i wish she would sit and talk to me about scholarships and help me figure out what to do... but she's always so busy... it seems like she always has a settlement or something that she needs to do for work, it's like we never really have time to talk about this stuff... i know i can do it on my own... i always do... i always figure out a way to get things done... but i guess it might be easier if i had some help or some type of guidance... i dunno... i'm so upset that i don't know what i want to do with my life... everyone else has it all figured out... they wanna be a doctor or a nurse or an engineer or whatever... and i have no clue... how am i supposed to know what i want to do with the rest of my life at the age of sixteen? i mean how can people really expect me to have it all figured out? i kind of want to have an undeclared major for the first semester or year of college or whatever and just take the general classes that i'm gonna need... until i figure out what i want to do... but i kind of feel like it's a waste of time... here i am just taking all kinds of general classes instead of focusing on whatever it is that i'm gonna end up doing and learning all about it... but i don't know what else to do... i'm just really confused... i know a few things i'm interested in... graphic design, psychology, english... and i think i want to do something with english... like writing and reading... for a magazine or a newspaper or books or something, but i don't really have the confidence in myself... i can't ever think of anything to write about... i dunno really, i guess i'll figure something out...
well sarah's here and we're about to leave... more later maybe?