...back again
this is my third entry today lol...gotta tell you something there...lol...i have absolutely nothing to do besides sit here on my bum and type on this computer...what a life i have huh...lol...i wish i were with friends...that's when im myself and that's when im happy...and i can't see them until monday because im with my mom this weekend, as u guys prolly already figured out from the previous entries...lol...
i have no idea what time im here til tonight but im not coming back tomorrow...my mom has the day off so we are prolly goin to go shoe shoppin for the weddin...my mom told us that we have to find dresses from someone else because she prolly doesn't have enough money for the dresses too...figures huh...
and oh yeah about the party, i've heard absolutely nothing about the party my mom was suppose to throw me...im still lookin for it, even if it doesn't happen...i shouldve figured that i wouldn't have a party for my 16th birthday..what was i thinkin when i thought i would...i thought maybe just maybe i would be thought of and not let down, but it looks like i was wrong...and it makes me feel awful...i just wanted one night for me and my friends celebratin my 16th...i don't know i just thought it was a big deal...well it is a big deal for me, but obviously my mom doesn't agree...why did she have to bring it up if it was never goin to happen, i seriously don't get it...maybe my dad will throw me one during the summer, i don't know, but we are goin to have to find out now aren't we...lol...i can just hope...
okay enough of that topic...parties are just full of drama anyway lol that's what happens when u get a bunch of gurls all in one room lol...some people aren't like that but i know a bunch taht are lol...okay onto a good subject...hmmm have to think of something
im hungry...what have i eaten today...rice...good meal huh...lol why the heck am i talking about my food...lol im wicked bored...yeah i prolly shouldn't have said anything like i've only eaten rice today, my friends will prolly kill me, look at what i get myself into...lol...oh yeah, i had some starbursts too...can't leave those out lol..im kind of hyper because i drank some coca cola...good stuff when u have to stay awake lol...
hmm what now what now...im tryin to occupy myself, must be pretty boring for u people to read this huh...i don't knwo why u would anyway...i suck so why bother...god why do i think about myself like that, it really bugs me...i never have anything good to say about myself, it's always bad stuff...am i the only person that is like this, or do other people feel the same way about themselves, sometimes there is good things about me, but that is very few...i mean the only time when i think good about myself is like 1 day out of a month...not good, and it bugs me i don't know i think theres something wrong with me...::sighs:: man i wish there was something that i could do to make me stop thinkin like that but i honestly think that there is absolutely nothing i can do...is it soemthing my parents did or is it something that only i do..i don't get it...maybe im one messed up person...
seems like i have a lot of mixed feelings goin through me...sometimes im hyper and other times, im just upset and can't stop thinking...and it just happens...one second im fine and the next second im confused and can't stop thinking and stuff...i don't get it...i need someone to talk to but its 10:00 and noone is on...well theres people on but noone i feel comfortable talking to about any of this...i mean i wish one of my best friends were there to help me but everyone is prolly out having a blast while im stuck here feelin bad for myself...and wishing things were better...why do i get so upset when i have so many good things in my life...i have awesome friends...a great boyfriend...and an understanding family...i have so many people there for me but yet things just dont' seem to be enough and i always find something bad to talk about...
yeah i keep on mumblin on and on and on and on sry for all those that get to read this...it just helps me so much when i can write all this crap down...it makes me feel better for some reason...it helps things...sometimes i write poems too but noone wants to read those, they stink...lol...see negativity...im full of all that stuff...but when it comes to other people im always sayin good things about them...prolly because most people i know are awesome people...and i don't knwo waht i would do without them, but i wish that i could say some good things about myself...i guess what it all comes down to is that i have to change...i don't know how i will but i have to...
im not tryin to cause any drama or problems or anything like that...i just want to understand myself and know if im being stupid or know if i even understand myself...and u all get to read it..im sry if im comin off to be self centered or always thinking of myself, that's definitley not it...im just trying to make sense of all this...doubt it will ever happen but im trying...
i have to go, my sis is in tears, and im goin to be soon too...things are just soo messed up lately and i don't knwo waht to do...its all out of my reach...
i have no idea what time im here til tonight but im not coming back tomorrow...my mom has the day off so we are prolly goin to go shoe shoppin for the weddin...my mom told us that we have to find dresses from someone else because she prolly doesn't have enough money for the dresses too...figures huh...
and oh yeah about the party, i've heard absolutely nothing about the party my mom was suppose to throw me...im still lookin for it, even if it doesn't happen...i shouldve figured that i wouldn't have a party for my 16th birthday..what was i thinkin when i thought i would...i thought maybe just maybe i would be thought of and not let down, but it looks like i was wrong...and it makes me feel awful...i just wanted one night for me and my friends celebratin my 16th...i don't know i just thought it was a big deal...well it is a big deal for me, but obviously my mom doesn't agree...why did she have to bring it up if it was never goin to happen, i seriously don't get it...maybe my dad will throw me one during the summer, i don't know, but we are goin to have to find out now aren't we...lol...i can just hope...
okay enough of that topic...parties are just full of drama anyway lol that's what happens when u get a bunch of gurls all in one room lol...some people aren't like that but i know a bunch taht are lol...okay onto a good subject...hmmm have to think of something
im hungry...what have i eaten today...rice...good meal huh...lol why the heck am i talking about my food...lol im wicked bored...yeah i prolly shouldn't have said anything like i've only eaten rice today, my friends will prolly kill me, look at what i get myself into...lol...oh yeah, i had some starbursts too...can't leave those out lol..im kind of hyper because i drank some coca cola...good stuff when u have to stay awake lol...
hmm what now what now...im tryin to occupy myself, must be pretty boring for u people to read this huh...i don't knwo why u would anyway...i suck so why bother...god why do i think about myself like that, it really bugs me...i never have anything good to say about myself, it's always bad stuff...am i the only person that is like this, or do other people feel the same way about themselves, sometimes there is good things about me, but that is very few...i mean the only time when i think good about myself is like 1 day out of a month...not good, and it bugs me i don't know i think theres something wrong with me...::sighs:: man i wish there was something that i could do to make me stop thinkin like that but i honestly think that there is absolutely nothing i can do...is it soemthing my parents did or is it something that only i do..i don't get it...maybe im one messed up person...
seems like i have a lot of mixed feelings goin through me...sometimes im hyper and other times, im just upset and can't stop thinking...and it just happens...one second im fine and the next second im confused and can't stop thinking and stuff...i don't get it...i need someone to talk to but its 10:00 and noone is on...well theres people on but noone i feel comfortable talking to about any of this...i mean i wish one of my best friends were there to help me but everyone is prolly out having a blast while im stuck here feelin bad for myself...and wishing things were better...why do i get so upset when i have so many good things in my life...i have awesome friends...a great boyfriend...and an understanding family...i have so many people there for me but yet things just dont' seem to be enough and i always find something bad to talk about...
yeah i keep on mumblin on and on and on and on sry for all those that get to read this...it just helps me so much when i can write all this crap down...it makes me feel better for some reason...it helps things...sometimes i write poems too but noone wants to read those, they stink...lol...see negativity...im full of all that stuff...but when it comes to other people im always sayin good things about them...prolly because most people i know are awesome people...and i don't knwo waht i would do without them, but i wish that i could say some good things about myself...i guess what it all comes down to is that i have to change...i don't know how i will but i have to...
im not tryin to cause any drama or problems or anything like that...i just want to understand myself and know if im being stupid or know if i even understand myself...and u all get to read it..im sry if im comin off to be self centered or always thinking of myself, that's definitley not it...im just trying to make sense of all this...doubt it will ever happen but im trying...
i have to go, my sis is in tears, and im goin to be soon too...things are just soo messed up lately and i don't knwo waht to do...its all out of my reach...