Asexuality Panel at Creating Change
So here’s my writeup for what went down when I went to Atlanta with several other asexual people and spoke on the Asexual Voices Panel at Creating Change 2013.
The Panel
Our panel was called “Asexual Voices.” Four of us-me, Tristan, Rin, and M.-gave personal speeches and took questions and answers in front of a group of about eighty people. And considering how many panels there were to choose from, it was awfully flattering that so many people decided ours was the most interesting or the most important.
My speech focused on my aromantic identity, my realization that I was asexual and my invention of the orientation for myself in the vacuum where there was no community as a teen in the early 1990s, and my decision to start trying to reach out and support the community when it grew. Tristan discussed his experience as a gay gray-asexual person and his journey toward discovering asexuality. Rin discussed their gender identity, asexual identity, and relationship experiences. And M. talked about their understanding of asexuality from a young age, their mature understanding of it, and their gender experience.
Our questions and answers from the audience were submitted in writing (so we wouldn’t have to embarrass anyone or wait for them to find the right words), and they were all pretty common questions. Someone actually asked about what allies shouldn’t ask, which was nice. We got to discuss privilege and the queer community, our relationships, the difference between sex drive and sexual attraction, and tons of other things.
The Caucus
Yes, we had cake at the caucus. It was open to asexual people and their allies, and our informal event broke into four groups to discuss campus organizing, asexuality in fiction/media, the intersection of asexuality and gender, and ace experiences. I was the only panelist in the ace experiences circle, so they all kind of seemed to expect me to run it. Heh. We did introductions, and my highlights were getting to meet a woman named Denise who had skipped her own caucus (the bisexual caucus) to come to ours and wanted to discuss how information about asexuality might need to be incorporated into her organization’s work, and a person named Lily who actually told us about experiencing sexual attraction but NOT romantic attraction (something shamed in our society, but very important to asexuals because so many of us separate romance and sex in a way that is largely unrecognized). It was a good time.
The Thursday Highlights
I arrived late Thursday night, and after a bit of a SNAFU, I got into the apartment, which I’m kinda jokingly calling the Ace Place. There I got to meet M., Hannah, Rin, Sara Beth, and David, and we did our introductions and went out for food to cook at the apartment. We got pizza and soup and got to know each other a little. Tristan wasn’t there yet, so I got a room to myself. (His flight was a bigger SNAFU than my taxi.)
The Friday Highlights
Sara Beth and I cooked eggs and pancakes for the crew (Tristan had arrived by the morning), and then we were off to the conference!
My first day at the conference was Friday, and I spent most of it hanging around with Sara Beth meeting very cool people and discussing asexuality and our resources with them. I got to briefly meet Dan Choi, who very visibly and famously protested Don’t Ask Don’t Tell by chaining himself to the White House fence when he was in the army, and I also got to meet Mara Keisling, who is the executive director for the National Center for Transgender Equality. She is one of David Jay’s mentors because she spearheaded the trans* movement years ago when there was nothing, and David’s following in her footsteps.
Mara dropped a bomb on Sara Beth and me: they were days away from a meeting to discuss including transgender people in the language of the Employee Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), and had considered adding asexuality to the argument! But with no actual cases on file of asexual discrimination, they weren’t sure they could swing it. Mara said she’d let us give her an argument if we could get it to her in time, so David ran away to write a paper, with M.’s help. Sara Beth gave input and I volunteered a link to a blog post I’d seen. Later in the day, with five aces on one bed, Hannah helped with the citations and I proofread it. We basically argued that since asexuality is on the verge of becoming more visible in the media (as evidenced by requests to AVEN from major television representatives discussing inclusion of asexual characters), there will soon be more people identifying that way and more people knowing it exists and therefore more discrimination. It was a very well-supported argument and I thought it was super cool to be involved in watching what happened, even though I only helped a little.
What was also amazing was the plenary session in which I got to hear Rea Carey speak and PRESIDENT OBAMA MADE A VIDEO SPECIFICALLY FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY AT THIS CONFERENCE. He sent a video! For us! Check it the hell out.
The Saturday Highlights
Once we were done with our responsibilities, we could finally spend Saturday checking out panels and presentations. I lost my buddy Sara Beth because she was feeling crappy and needed to not be walking, so she sat on a couch at the conference and took meetings while I buddied up with M. and Tristan to go to panels.
So first we went to Establishing Inclusivity in Campus Organizing. I didn’t really learn anything new but it was fun to hear the discussion, despite the fact that I am not involved in any campus organizations. We learned about how LGBT groups need to be mindful of certain other issues when organizing, and we discussed racism and privilege and safe spaces. Afterwards the presenters chatted to us and it was swell. (M. had to run off during the presentation, but they were back in time for the end. They were meeting with Mara and whatnot, discussing the paper.)
We took a break for lunch and then headed to the Community-Based Surveys workshop, which Tristan and M. were curious about because they’ve both been involved in specifically asexuality-related research and number-crunching. The presentation focused on how to collect and use data to help LGBT people through surveys, and used a large survey on transgender people as an example. I had to jump out in the middle for a bathroom break and ended up running into someone from the Rockway Institute-he told me that he was involved with mental health and LGBT issues, so I gave him some asexuality pamphlets in case he wanted to help ace people too and he said someone in one of his classes actually did a presentation on asexuality once. How cool.
M. decided to take their leave of us for a while for a meeting, and so Tristan and I went to the plenary session about undocumented people and how that intersects with LGBT issues. It was pretty moving, and they had a panel too. After that we decided to go to an interesting panel called The End of Romance. We weren’t sure if this would be applicable to us, but as an aromantic I was pretty interested. It turned out to be very relevant in many ways; the four presenters discussed non-traditional relationships, getting their needs met through many relationships, separating romance from a central “pinnacle” in their lives, and their own experiences with poly relationships, BDSM, and parenting. They encouraged us through exercises to examine our own attitudes toward romance, and it was pretty awesome. (And independently of Tristan and me, Rin and Hannah and David all ended up in that workshop too!)
Afterwards I ended up talking with an ace I’d met the previous night, Alicia. We’re both from Tampa, so that was cool. We were discussing how she, as a person new to the community, could get more involved, and after we did some errands, I ended up taking her to meet Sara Beth and we all sat around talking. Eventually the whole ace contingent converged there once the poly caucus and trans* caucus were over, and we picked up another person named Halee and went to dinner at a Thai restaurant. (Sara Beth and David stayed behind.)
The waiter was curious about our badges so I let him read it and he exclaimed, “Oh, so you’re FAMILY!” and proceeded to give us free appetizers. :D The food was great there and we had some good conversations. And afterwards we retired to the Ace Place and debriefed, discussed, and decompressed. I shared the business cards I’d collected with Sara Beth and David and we discussed follow-ups and whatnot. And I gave out candy necklaces and we talked about silly stuff mostly. We also took turns writing on the postcards we’d be sending to some of the supporters of our fundraiser.
The Sunday Highlights
Not much to say about Sunday since there was only one workshop, but after packing up from the apartment, Tristan and I went to one called I’m Online, discussing LGBT issues in a social media context. We’d missed part of it so we didn’t get much out of it, but AGAIN a bunch of our contingent ended up there. I saw Hannah and M., and David was even later than we were. But after that, we said our goodbyes because I had to leave. Whee.
In General
I do have to say it was a fabulous experience and the best thing about it was getting to be in a room with more than half a dozen other aces. I liked interacting with, teaching, and learning from the other queer people at the conference, talking with people who get it, learning others’ personal stories, and doing my little part to create change.
And I must say the gender-neutral bathrooms were super great, the buttons and literature I collected from a bunch of organizations was useful and fun, and I think it’s overall an amazing conference to experience. And Sara Beth is kind of a goddess. She’s a whirlwind of organization and connection and networking, and she freaking knows everyone. David was jazzed to finally meet me and the reverse was also true, and I feel like I made a lot of new friends. :)
And here is my VIDEO SUM-UP of the conference:
Asexuality Panel at Creating Change
(Soon I will add the embedded captions--I didn't have time to type it up yesterday, but it will be done within the week.)
That’s the gist of the conference for me!
Some good stuff:
David's Storify (containing tweets, images, and videos)
David's Day 1 Video
David's Day 2 Video
David's Day 3 Video
My full photo album
Tristan's blog post about the event
Pride For All blogs about us