/ speed kills with presence of mind and / speed kills if you know what i mean /
well, i'm a terrible student, i'm bad at sleep but i think i've got some of the important stuff figured out, at least. i was composing a letter to a friend in my mind, the friend being the sort of terrified agnostic who wants so desperately for there to be answers to all his questions, but is afraid that the cost of them will be higher than he wants to pay. in other words, a smart man--as ace troubleshooter noted, /here my friend, take / take some of mine / it's freely given / and will cost you everything you have / but drink / my cup runs over /... i've been trying so many ways to explain myself to him; i have this (very skewed, perhaps) idea that if i can explain why i know God, and that He is good, then maybe my friend will see the same way. or, at least, maybe if i can explain why i know i need God, he will see that he needs what i have found. i'm still not entirely sure how this whole "conversion" thing works, really, though i know my part in it will be, in one sense, utterly negligable--as ace troubleshooter noted in another song, /it's not bred out of pride / a trohpy on a shelf / i can't save you / i can't even save myself /. in the same sense, how can i help but speak? I HAVE THE ONE THING THAT MATTERS. but i digress greatly. all this to say, i found yet another thing to explain how i feel about God.
i was drowning. i reached out for something, anything, and i found Everything.
that was not my, in the sense i've always understood it, salvation. i knew who God was before, i loved Him before, i talked to Him and tried to do what i thought He wanted, but i still found myself being inexplicably human. it was a condition i desired to rectify, but that is not relevant to this. and what was this? this was my moment of being peter. i had (and have had, for a long time) enough faith to cry out to God, and enough to walk out on the water to Him, to do things i have thought impossible, but when i think i have it all right i look away from Him and find myself sinking. what i lacked was focus. what i still often lack is focus, and not just in divine things.
and so i reach out, drowning. and Everything takes my hand, picks me up and puts me back on solid water, and asks me where my faith is. i wish i knew. i really don't have the excuse anymore. then again, neither did peter. guess there's hope for me yet. :)
also, on a completely different note, exams are in the next few days. i will commence freaking out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
that is all.
-g
(songs quoted are, as mentioned, by ace troubleshooter, and go by the names of "anything," and "misconceptions," respectively)
edit: also, i have a ride home now. i'd say thanks for small miracles, but the one giving me the ride is the same one who told me "there are no small miracles." so praise be to God for miracles, especially when they're also friends.
i was drowning. i reached out for something, anything, and i found Everything.
that was not my, in the sense i've always understood it, salvation. i knew who God was before, i loved Him before, i talked to Him and tried to do what i thought He wanted, but i still found myself being inexplicably human. it was a condition i desired to rectify, but that is not relevant to this. and what was this? this was my moment of being peter. i had (and have had, for a long time) enough faith to cry out to God, and enough to walk out on the water to Him, to do things i have thought impossible, but when i think i have it all right i look away from Him and find myself sinking. what i lacked was focus. what i still often lack is focus, and not just in divine things.
and so i reach out, drowning. and Everything takes my hand, picks me up and puts me back on solid water, and asks me where my faith is. i wish i knew. i really don't have the excuse anymore. then again, neither did peter. guess there's hope for me yet. :)
also, on a completely different note, exams are in the next few days. i will commence freaking out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
that is all.
-g
(songs quoted are, as mentioned, by ace troubleshooter, and go by the names of "anything," and "misconceptions," respectively)
edit: also, i have a ride home now. i'd say thanks for small miracles, but the one giving me the ride is the same one who told me "there are no small miracles." so praise be to God for miracles, especially when they're also friends.