Reality and Dream
It's normal to wake up every morning grasping for the last bits of a dream. As every second passes by, the fast clips and moments that I've experienced in my sleep evaporate one by one. I want so badly for my real life to be true only in sleep, and for my dreams to come to life.
Selfish? I say I love many things, but to be able to give it all up without a seconds thought seems too ironic.
I have many goals in my life. I have many friends, and I don't struggle anymore. There was a time in my life when everything hit rock bottom. But now that I have actually seen it, it's not so scary. Once you've been there, you realize that there's nothing to be afraid of. You have to live for the heck of living. There ARE better days, but you've gotta get through all the shitty ones before those days come upon you.
Have you ever held your hand up towards the sky, wanting more than life? Life is only what we live day to day, but I've come to want more than that. I want a challenge. It feels like whatever anyone wants me to do, I can do. If I put my mind into something, I accomplish it very well.
I know I'm capable, and I know that I have a lot of potential. But, have you ever felt empty like this? Everything is so plain.
To the point where I feel like just diving into one of my creative dreams, only forever.
So it feels like I've been climbing these sets of stairs people like to call days. I've been past about 18 levels that many like to call years.
I have a lot to learn... I dislike it very much when my life stands still. I urge to move forward quickly, because I get so bored easily.
I fall in love easily, and I fall out of it even quicker. People come and go day by day. I have a couple of close friends, they're crazy like me.
We can go through 2 tanks of gasoline a day and still be in the same city.
I've learned that it's impossible to strive towards two goals in life. That's why I'm so down inside.
Hitting the 18th level of this staircase called life, my roads have split in half. You live with your parents, you obey. And that's what I did for a long time, a verrrry long time. It wasn't until about 3 years ago I noticed that I also had guts. My dream to become a singer has been very strong, and right now it is the strongest than it has ever been. Even though my parents would never agree with this career, my heart wont let it go. It's something that's always in the back of my mind. I've let it sit there for 18 years. I thought that maybe if I made it to high school, my parents would let me take vocal lessons. It didn't happen, so I thought, maybe if I got straight A's they'll pay more attention. It didn't happen, so I thought that if I graduated from high school and recieved a scholarship into a post-secondary institution, maybe they'll take me more seriously.
It worked, but not in the way I anticipated. My mom is the scariest business woman I will ever live to know. My father is a business man that can't let go of his past. They both want me to get into law school. As they both had to live the hard life and work their way up, they have paved the way for me to succeed. Too easy.
If life were so easy, it'd make me question the worth of it all in the end.
So here's my problem. Reality is tempting, but I want to live in my dreams. I want that stage, and that microphone. I want all the attention, and I want to let my voice out. It feels like I've been cramped in my head for too long that I could explode any second.
If I chase this feeling, that means that I'm all on my own. The split road is in front of my face right now and I'm so choked.
It's a huge jump, even for me. But I really want this, so I jump for it.
Orrrr not~
I sit in my mother's house babysitting my brother while she is vacationing in Asia. When she comes back, my plan is to drop out of college and get a full time job. After I've saved up enough money, I want to take vocal lessons. I want to be active, and I want to succeed so badly.
I want to live my dreams so badly. To the point where I could drop the reality any moment.