Seeing Alfio
Somewhere along the way, I was trying so hard to fit in that I lost myself. New Alfio was more visible, but I couldn’t see Old Alfio in him anymore. Nothing but a warm welcome to 2019.
I had realized nothing was going as I expected to. I'll just give a very bad but meaningful example: I wanted to upgrade from an iPhone SE to an iPhone 7 Plus. I couldn't and you know why? Because my bank account wanted to suicide. To make everything even worse, there was my boss probably hating me and the other managers who wanted me dead. Even if I had tried to make a coherent chart of this situation, I still wouldn’t have been able to wrap my head around it. And it felt like I was constantly treading on a fault line that was about to create a social earthquake. I didn’t know how the hell I had become the epicenter, but the potential disasters that could result from it were… best not thought about.
My probation was going to expire in february and, I must admit it, maybe I was happy if they decided not to take me under their wings. But who was going to pay my rent?
My high school teachers were right: "We protect you, but the world out there is ready to attack you". I felt like everyone and everything wanted to kick my ass out; there was like a void inside of me that wanted to turn its light off forever. I truly wanted to shine but how was I supposed to do it if I didn't have the courage to change my life?