You Bastards! You Killed Kenny! [Incomplete]
Title: You Bastards! You Killed Kenny!
Rating: R
Fandom: X-Men: First Class, South Park
Pairing: Charles/Erik
Summary: Charles and Erik breakdown in a small town called South Park during the Bromance World Tour.
Warnings: Cartman being Cartman (ie. anti-Semitism), copious amounts of cursing.
Author's Note: Written for the prompt here for irishburnett. Also, this is a WIP and will be completed someday.
"Jews can't be firemen!"
That catches one Erik Lehnsherr’s attention.
“Shut up fat ass!”
That one catches one Charles Xavier’s attention.
Erik looks to Charles. And it’s look of utter hate and violence and twenty other things.
“Maybe we should...go?” It’s Charles that says this.
“How the hell are we supposed to leave?” Erik’s seething. He points to their car. “Our damn car broke down.”
“Well, maybe you could use your,” Charles moves his arms out in mock jazz hands. “you know. Just make the car move.”
“Don’t call me a fat ass you stupid jew!”
Erik tenses. The car starts to sink in and crumble. Charles’ eyes widen.
“Right, so none of that. Let’s...explore town a bit, yes? Maybe find a motel?”
Erik doesn’t answer. Charles grabs him by the arm and pulls him away.
“Erik! Stop. Wait, wait.”
Erik turns on his heels to face Charles.
“What.” And somehow it’s not a question.
Charles points across the street.
“That boy, he’s,” He’s is smiling like no other. “he’s like us! A mutant!” Now he’s bouncing on his heels. “Come on, let’s go talk to him. You can start it off this time!”
And Charles is running across the street before Erik could object or tell him no more sex puns, Charles.
Charles kneels down in front f the little boy.
“Hello there. My names is Charles Xavier and this,” He looks up to Erik. “is my associate Erik Lehnsherr.”
The boy, if his face wasn’t covered by an orange parka would have one of the most incredulous looking faces known to man and mutant*.
Erik looks down with an almost scowl.
“We’re,” He started. “Looking for...” He trails off not really knowing what to say.
How the hell do you speak to a nine year old about being a damn mutant?!
Charles rolls his eyes. He sticks out his hand and asks the boy his name.
“Kghroh Mmrghk.”
Charles stares at him a moment, with brows knit tight.
“Right then. Kenny it is? Good.”
Erik looks to Charles, projecting the thoughts what the hell you understand?? Charles only laughs, then turns his attention back to Kenny.
“Kenny, my dear boy, Mr Lehnsherr and I run a...school for people like us. People with...Hold on a minute. Erik, be a good chap and show him, yes?”
Erik rolls his eyes and sighs. He lifts his hand, and with a great gesture** moves their now broken car off the ground several inches and pulls close.
Kenny grabs at his chest. “Hhrm fgrgh.”
There’s no reason to be alarmed Kenny. We know about you. You are not alone.
If anyone could see Kenny's eyes, they would know they were so wide that they threatened to bulge right out of his skull.
"We believe your mutation is instant regeneration. Would you mind showing us?"
“Dude.”
“You killed Kenny!”
“You bastards!”
“What abhorrent language!”
“Charles, I think we have bigger problems than children with horrible speech habits.”
Charles turns to him.
“But...” He turns back to the three children. “We didn’t...He’s a-special. He’s not dead. Not really.”
“Mm grphmm mn nammngh phghrm.”
“Ah Kenny! That’s gross! He’s so old.”
“Gh mndpp hfmn fbk.”
“Guys, we have to focus on the real problem here. Kenny is it true? Are you a mutant?”
“Shut up Khal, you stupid jew! The only mutant here is me!” A fat, chubby finger pokes Kyle in the chest. “Now go fuck off, jew!”
“Shut up fat ass. You are not.”
“I AM TOO YOU STUPID JEW. Tell ‘em Kehnah!”
“Fhld Cghedj, stghb mmhne.”
“That’s right Kenah! My power is super strength.”
“Super stupidity is more like it.”
“SHUT UP STAN.”
The boys are arguing while Erik and Charles just stare. If you looked hard enough you could see that they were having a silent conversation. Fortunately no one was paying attention.
Erik, what are we going to do?
What do you mean?
The fat one. Charles nudges his head towards the fat one. He’s not a mutant and he won’t leave us alone until we take him with us.
Erik was silent for a moment, then: I could always kill him.
ERRRRIKKK! NO. YOU CANNOT KILL THAT CHILD.
Erik winces slightly, nearly imperceptible. But he’s an anti-Semite and the world would be better off without him.
Charles turns to Erik, stares him in the eyes and says:
“Listen to me closely, my friend. Killing will not bring you peace.”
“Actually it would Charles. That little cretan would be gone and peace would overwhelm me.”
Charles gives Erik a stern look.
“Erik, I cann-”
“SCREW YOU GUYS, I’M GOIN’ HOME.”
“You British asshole! Bring back Kenny!”
“I...We can’t. We have to wait.” Charles bites his lip.
The boy glare at the two older men.
"You bastards."
*And, as it stands, the closely related baboon, and a certain species of manbearpig not currently known to mankind, or mutantkind for that matter.
**One that is likened to those of dancers that have trained under Bob Boross.
TBC~
Rating: R
Fandom: X-Men: First Class, South Park
Pairing: Charles/Erik
Summary: Charles and Erik breakdown in a small town called South Park during the Bromance World Tour.
Warnings: Cartman being Cartman (ie. anti-Semitism), copious amounts of cursing.
Author's Note: Written for the prompt here for irishburnett. Also, this is a WIP and will be completed someday.
"Jews can't be firemen!"
That catches one Erik Lehnsherr’s attention.
“Shut up fat ass!”
That one catches one Charles Xavier’s attention.
Erik looks to Charles. And it’s look of utter hate and violence and twenty other things.
“Maybe we should...go?” It’s Charles that says this.
“How the hell are we supposed to leave?” Erik’s seething. He points to their car. “Our damn car broke down.”
“Well, maybe you could use your,” Charles moves his arms out in mock jazz hands. “you know. Just make the car move.”
“Don’t call me a fat ass you stupid jew!”
Erik tenses. The car starts to sink in and crumble. Charles’ eyes widen.
“Right, so none of that. Let’s...explore town a bit, yes? Maybe find a motel?”
Erik doesn’t answer. Charles grabs him by the arm and pulls him away.
“Erik! Stop. Wait, wait.”
Erik turns on his heels to face Charles.
“What.” And somehow it’s not a question.
Charles points across the street.
“That boy, he’s,” He’s is smiling like no other. “he’s like us! A mutant!” Now he’s bouncing on his heels. “Come on, let’s go talk to him. You can start it off this time!”
And Charles is running across the street before Erik could object or tell him no more sex puns, Charles.
Charles kneels down in front f the little boy.
“Hello there. My names is Charles Xavier and this,” He looks up to Erik. “is my associate Erik Lehnsherr.”
The boy, if his face wasn’t covered by an orange parka would have one of the most incredulous looking faces known to man and mutant*.
Erik looks down with an almost scowl.
“We’re,” He started. “Looking for...” He trails off not really knowing what to say.
How the hell do you speak to a nine year old about being a damn mutant?!
Charles rolls his eyes. He sticks out his hand and asks the boy his name.
“Kghroh Mmrghk.”
Charles stares at him a moment, with brows knit tight.
“Right then. Kenny it is? Good.”
Erik looks to Charles, projecting the thoughts what the hell you understand?? Charles only laughs, then turns his attention back to Kenny.
“Kenny, my dear boy, Mr Lehnsherr and I run a...school for people like us. People with...Hold on a minute. Erik, be a good chap and show him, yes?”
Erik rolls his eyes and sighs. He lifts his hand, and with a great gesture** moves their now broken car off the ground several inches and pulls close.
Kenny grabs at his chest. “Hhrm fgrgh.”
There’s no reason to be alarmed Kenny. We know about you. You are not alone.
If anyone could see Kenny's eyes, they would know they were so wide that they threatened to bulge right out of his skull.
"We believe your mutation is instant regeneration. Would you mind showing us?"
“Dude.”
“You killed Kenny!”
“You bastards!”
“What abhorrent language!”
“Charles, I think we have bigger problems than children with horrible speech habits.”
Charles turns to him.
“But...” He turns back to the three children. “We didn’t...He’s a-special. He’s not dead. Not really.”
“Mm grphmm mn nammngh phghrm.”
“Ah Kenny! That’s gross! He’s so old.”
“Gh mndpp hfmn fbk.”
“Guys, we have to focus on the real problem here. Kenny is it true? Are you a mutant?”
“Shut up Khal, you stupid jew! The only mutant here is me!” A fat, chubby finger pokes Kyle in the chest. “Now go fuck off, jew!”
“Shut up fat ass. You are not.”
“I AM TOO YOU STUPID JEW. Tell ‘em Kehnah!”
“Fhld Cghedj, stghb mmhne.”
“That’s right Kenah! My power is super strength.”
“Super stupidity is more like it.”
“SHUT UP STAN.”
The boys are arguing while Erik and Charles just stare. If you looked hard enough you could see that they were having a silent conversation. Fortunately no one was paying attention.
Erik, what are we going to do?
What do you mean?
The fat one. Charles nudges his head towards the fat one. He’s not a mutant and he won’t leave us alone until we take him with us.
Erik was silent for a moment, then: I could always kill him.
ERRRRIKKK! NO. YOU CANNOT KILL THAT CHILD.
Erik winces slightly, nearly imperceptible. But he’s an anti-Semite and the world would be better off without him.
Charles turns to Erik, stares him in the eyes and says:
“Listen to me closely, my friend. Killing will not bring you peace.”
“Actually it would Charles. That little cretan would be gone and peace would overwhelm me.”
Charles gives Erik a stern look.
“Erik, I cann-”
“SCREW YOU GUYS, I’M GOIN’ HOME.”
“You British asshole! Bring back Kenny!”
“I...We can’t. We have to wait.” Charles bites his lip.
The boy glare at the two older men.
"You bastards."
*And, as it stands, the closely related baboon, and a certain species of manbearpig not currently known to mankind, or mutantkind for that matter.
**One that is likened to those of dancers that have trained under Bob Boross.
TBC~