It's been a long winter
So UPDATE! Since I haven't written in a long long time.
My senior year has been going great so far, I love having a light course load, and being able to drink legally. It was really exciting at first to be able to go to the bar without the fear of getting your ID taken, or getting arrested. The novelty quickly wore off, as everyone told me that it would. I didn't believe them. Oh well. I enjoy going to the bar if only to socialize with people I don't see otherwise. I really enjoy Hooley's. I've decided It's my favorite bar, because it's so laid back and out of the way, that you don't get the crowd you get on Main Street. Not that I dislike Jug or Woodie's, I'm just sick of going there EVERY.SINGLE.WEEKEND. I'm one of those people who need excitement and to shake it up, lest I get bored and cranky.
One bad thing about senior year is that people are starting to get on my nerves. I'm sick of being walked all over just because I'm nice. I'm sick of getting shit moved around so I can't find it. I'm sick of not having access to my car. But these things are really minor and I get over them quickly.
I'm looking forward to graduating, but at the same time I'm fucking terrified. I can't wait to be done with college and to finally have a degree. I want to feel like I've accomplished something other than alot of bad choices and weekends I can't for the life of me remember. But I'm scared to enter the real world. Everyone's talk about GRE's , grad schools, and resumes is really bumming me out. I had a plan, I swear I did, but as usual my Dad forgets to talk to the people he's supposed to, and I'm left scared and optionless. It's too late to take the GRE's this year, too late to apply to grad school. I've basically realized that my degree is useless if I don't want to be a cop. Graduating means I'll have to leave Cortland and most of all Tony.
And that brings us to my love life. Tony and I started officially dating sometime in November. I'm pretty much head over heels for this boy. I don't stop thinking about him. I want to spend all my time with him. And the best part is, I'm pretty certain he feels the same way about me. He always texts me at night, regardless of where he is or who he's with. I never feel like a burden when I'm with him. Sure I've hit some bumps along the way, but they are thankfully minor compared to what I've been through. I want to spoil him, and baby him, and just be there for him whenever he needs me. The love I once had for Rich pales in comparison to whatever this is I'm feeling for this boy. With Rich, I felt like I was a burden, like he was ashamed of me. With Tony, never, ever ever. What is more, I trust him. I know he's not going to do anything to hurt me on purpose and if he does, he knows just how to fix it. Falling in love is a wonderful thing. However, I feel like I'm holding back, because in a couple months, we're leaving, and we won't be living in the same town, or even the same county. It's barely the same state. It scares me to know that that looms on the horizon and I could lose this amazing thing that I have. That distance could destroy something that could become so beautiful. I try not to think about it. I think my friends get miffed sometimes because when I start to crash, I go to his place to sleep. I 'm sick of trying to make everyone else happy. I'M HAPPY. So everyone else can fuck off. I'm sorry you aren't used to sharing me. Get over it. I got used to sharing with Rich, when I shouldn't have had to.
Other than small issues and some occasional stress, my life has been pretty amazing.
So for now, I'll sign off