time and drug dealers pass you by

[ascensionblue]

so, i was going for three or four month breaks between coke seshes. i'd go for a few months clean and craving lines and that sense of perfect pleasure in delicious white flakes. then i'd have a couple nights where id do line after line. when i was craving, i'd forget what its REALLY like to do coke. you just remember how amazing everything feels and how you could jump across lakes and rooftops and how eveyone is so funny and everything is so fast. you dont think about how your nose is always runny and dropping blood. or how the comedown makes you want to do anything to get more lines to hold it back. or how unless you get the really good shit, the high doesnt really last THAT long and is kind of a ripoff for the money you have to put in

anyway. after my last sesh with jessie, i decided to take another break. but lastn ight i was really craving it again and i called jessie. her phone had been disconnected. i called all my old friends who had hookups. none of them were answering or their phoens had swtiched. none of my dealers numbers still worked. the only dealer i still have only sells weed and mushrooms

i don't know where to get cocaine anymore. i stopped hanging out with these people for a little while and now theyve moved on withotut me. well. im sure at least five or six or them overdosed or gone to jail.

part of me wants to see this as a good thing and part of me just wants to find a trashy bar and just talk and schmooze until i find a hookup. i guess its a good thing im too fucking lazy to even think about looking for a new hookup right now.