Back in school and much more!
This is my first week back in school after three weeks of rest from my summer classes. For some reason, I feel much better and more hopeful for things now than what I did when I first started here at UCF. Maybe it's because i've grown used to how the school does things, where every building I go to is, and also I know a few people on the side who are currently in the same place as I am class-wise. I also just feel better about my studies all together. I feel optimistic that i'll do better, and hopefully continue to achieve my goals of good grades. So far, i've already done outlines for my Systems Software class and my first programming assignment in Computer Science II. Here is my schedule for the week( It's pretty crazy XD):
MWF - Computer Science II from 12:30-1:15
TR - Systems Software from 12:00-1:15
TR - Statistical Methods II from 1:30-2:45
TR - Introduction to Computer Engineering 3:00-4:30
There are labs as well, but since I don't have any this week, I don't know off the top of my head what the times are. I'm taking 16 credit hours this semester. I hope to dear god that i'll do well too. Maybe having more classes and people that I know in all of them will give me a boost to get my ass in gear.
As far as DJ is concerned, i'm starting to like him more. We talk everyday and there are little things i'm starting to notice about him and his personality. I'm picking up on the fact that despite he can appear to be a hardass and somewhat of a showoff on the surface, but deep down he's sensitive and takes notice of my own feelings towards things. It's not a constant thing like how it was with Jeff in regards to how we feel about each other, and I know how DJ feels about me without having to ask him constantly. It's very straightforward and I appreciate that. With Jeff it was like, I never really knew how he felt.
Another thing is, I really don't feel like bitching so much when i'm around DJ, I think it's because I don't feel as much pressure to do better or to be better at something like how it was with Jeff. I often got frustrated because I didn't know how to do a lot of the things they introduced me too, then they would be experienced at it, then kick my ass and would encourage me to do better at the same time. It felt like I was a level 1 person trying to fight people who were level 50. I lost everytime I tried and never got better. There was only one time in chess where I felt like I could have beaten Jeff. Amazingly, Jeff never remembered this moment. It was my only moment of triumph in gaming against him, ever.
Jeff also had his bitchy moments, where he would bitch to me for hours, then I would try to listen and understand him. Ultimately, he felt like I wasn't listening to him and it always ended up that he would argue with me over that. He also got so depressed sometimes that he would talk about wanting to end his life and this hurt me because I mean, if someone's happy with another person, you wouldn't feel like that. I mean his circumstances were tough, but it wasn't that bad to be honest. He was neglected by his parents, and felt like he was not doing enough for being a sick 32 year old man. So I tried to reassure him and at the same time I felt bad because I didn't feel like I was making him happy enough. When the atmosphere is set like that, you kind of feel like doing it yourself. So I became more bitchy than what I needed to be.
Why is it when I try to reflect over my past relationship with Jeff, that all I see is how much we argued and were trying to adjust to each other? Why is it that all I remember was the times that I was always feeling bad and under pressure to do better? When I went up to see him, I was happy. There was really happy memories I had with him, in particular moreso to Final Fantasy 11 when I first met him. It seemed like after FF 11 it seems to get harder to remember the good things up until I met him in person. I think I made the right choice in the long run. There was too many conflicts and differences in personality and desires to really continue to be together, all though I think I could have ended up being together with him forever had I not ended the relationship myself. The reality is now i'm single and there is someone else who I like. I discovered a lot of things about myself and I grew stronger as an individual. I learned a lot from Jeff though, and I will continue to grow as a person in the future. I just hope my life picks up now that it's over and i'll kickass in college! :D I think i'll still talk about things i'm feeling here, since this is my little place to express my thoughts and feelings, but what's done is done and i'm moving on. The pieces are finally beginning to be put together. I'm starting to heal, and it's about fucking time.
MWF - Computer Science II from 12:30-1:15
TR - Systems Software from 12:00-1:15
TR - Statistical Methods II from 1:30-2:45
TR - Introduction to Computer Engineering 3:00-4:30
There are labs as well, but since I don't have any this week, I don't know off the top of my head what the times are. I'm taking 16 credit hours this semester. I hope to dear god that i'll do well too. Maybe having more classes and people that I know in all of them will give me a boost to get my ass in gear.
As far as DJ is concerned, i'm starting to like him more. We talk everyday and there are little things i'm starting to notice about him and his personality. I'm picking up on the fact that despite he can appear to be a hardass and somewhat of a showoff on the surface, but deep down he's sensitive and takes notice of my own feelings towards things. It's not a constant thing like how it was with Jeff in regards to how we feel about each other, and I know how DJ feels about me without having to ask him constantly. It's very straightforward and I appreciate that. With Jeff it was like, I never really knew how he felt.
Another thing is, I really don't feel like bitching so much when i'm around DJ, I think it's because I don't feel as much pressure to do better or to be better at something like how it was with Jeff. I often got frustrated because I didn't know how to do a lot of the things they introduced me too, then they would be experienced at it, then kick my ass and would encourage me to do better at the same time. It felt like I was a level 1 person trying to fight people who were level 50. I lost everytime I tried and never got better. There was only one time in chess where I felt like I could have beaten Jeff. Amazingly, Jeff never remembered this moment. It was my only moment of triumph in gaming against him, ever.
Jeff also had his bitchy moments, where he would bitch to me for hours, then I would try to listen and understand him. Ultimately, he felt like I wasn't listening to him and it always ended up that he would argue with me over that. He also got so depressed sometimes that he would talk about wanting to end his life and this hurt me because I mean, if someone's happy with another person, you wouldn't feel like that. I mean his circumstances were tough, but it wasn't that bad to be honest. He was neglected by his parents, and felt like he was not doing enough for being a sick 32 year old man. So I tried to reassure him and at the same time I felt bad because I didn't feel like I was making him happy enough. When the atmosphere is set like that, you kind of feel like doing it yourself. So I became more bitchy than what I needed to be.
Why is it when I try to reflect over my past relationship with Jeff, that all I see is how much we argued and were trying to adjust to each other? Why is it that all I remember was the times that I was always feeling bad and under pressure to do better? When I went up to see him, I was happy. There was really happy memories I had with him, in particular moreso to Final Fantasy 11 when I first met him. It seemed like after FF 11 it seems to get harder to remember the good things up until I met him in person. I think I made the right choice in the long run. There was too many conflicts and differences in personality and desires to really continue to be together, all though I think I could have ended up being together with him forever had I not ended the relationship myself. The reality is now i'm single and there is someone else who I like. I discovered a lot of things about myself and I grew stronger as an individual. I learned a lot from Jeff though, and I will continue to grow as a person in the future. I just hope my life picks up now that it's over and i'll kickass in college! :D I think i'll still talk about things i'm feeling here, since this is my little place to express my thoughts and feelings, but what's done is done and i'm moving on. The pieces are finally beginning to be put together. I'm starting to heal, and it's about fucking time.