Loaded Dyce: Third Wheel Syndrome
"You know me, I know you, why don't we just get comfortable? You're listening to Loaded Dyce.
"I know we're all being shocked and appalled by this shooting yesterday, but here's the thing that got me: that Auror, doing fuck all. He was there knowing something was going to happen, and then he just goes and lets two people get shot. Are they both dead yet?
"No?
"Well, fuck, you hang in there kid, I want to see you standing naked outside the Ministry to show them your badass fuckin' new scar, ask them how they like it. It's their fuckin' fault, isn't it? I mean, who the fucking shit are they hiring down there? Here's a theory: the Death Eaters are worming their way back into the Ministry again. That guy didn't just not do anything, he let it happen. Check that guy's arm, Minister Shaklebolt, I've got good money in this one.
"Fuck it, let's talk about porn.
"Don't get all shy on me. I know you're beating off right now. My voice just does it for you. Me, though, I have to say I have a soft spot-- not fuckin' soft at all, huh?-- for lesbian twins. Here's the real shit, though; Patil girls? Leave it to the professionals. That shit ain't natural, you should know better.
"Okay, here's a name you haven't heard for a while: Hannah Abbott. She mostly keeps to herself, doesn't she? Not much a troublemaker in that one. Apparently, it takes a few drinks to get her slapping the shit out of some poor old lady looking for donations to support S.P.E.W., like she did yesterday evening. Chick fuckin' hates house elves or something, right?
"Enough from me, we're here for you. Outraged citizens, pick up your quills.
"The rest of you, Get Loose."
"I know we're all being shocked and appalled by this shooting yesterday, but here's the thing that got me: that Auror, doing fuck all. He was there knowing something was going to happen, and then he just goes and lets two people get shot. Are they both dead yet?
"No?
"Well, fuck, you hang in there kid, I want to see you standing naked outside the Ministry to show them your badass fuckin' new scar, ask them how they like it. It's their fuckin' fault, isn't it? I mean, who the fucking shit are they hiring down there? Here's a theory: the Death Eaters are worming their way back into the Ministry again. That guy didn't just not do anything, he let it happen. Check that guy's arm, Minister Shaklebolt, I've got good money in this one.
"Fuck it, let's talk about porn.
"Don't get all shy on me. I know you're beating off right now. My voice just does it for you. Me, though, I have to say I have a soft spot-- not fuckin' soft at all, huh?-- for lesbian twins. Here's the real shit, though; Patil girls? Leave it to the professionals. That shit ain't natural, you should know better.
"Okay, here's a name you haven't heard for a while: Hannah Abbott. She mostly keeps to herself, doesn't she? Not much a troublemaker in that one. Apparently, it takes a few drinks to get her slapping the shit out of some poor old lady looking for donations to support S.P.E.W., like she did yesterday evening. Chick fuckin' hates house elves or something, right?
"Enough from me, we're here for you. Outraged citizens, pick up your quills.
"The rest of you, Get Loose."